pikasu
in
crosswards
through the years
inside: 1413 words, 100 icons, 1 wallpaper, ∞ love
2003-12-26
day 0: debut
you were on the streets, the road ahead fogged up by your breath against the chill. you didn't know where you were going. you were simply trudging forward, stomping on the snow beneath your feet, angry at life. it was winter. and your heart was cold. so were the tears that seeped past your lips.
it was one of your bad days. you thought it was everyone's worst. but the girl who crashed into you nearing your house, red lightstick in hand and eyes like an endless ocean, told a different story.
life goes on.
2004-01-14
day 19: release of Hug
monday mornings bring you to a cafe by the streets, coffee mug in hand. you let the steam from the matcha latte cloud your vision once again, while perched on a wooden stool. you would like to think that you were contemplating life. in reality, it's just confusion settling in.
the stereo behind blares an unfamiliar tune: i'll live in your love / and your dreams / forever and ever. you pay no attention to it, but the tune remains persistently lodged in your head even after the song ends. somehow it makes you lost admist your thoughts and the puddle of lyrics. it's one of those moments where an epiphany skirts your mind, brushes past long enough for you to grasp onto its seams, but short enough that you can't hold on.
you take a sip of your coffee, and then two. it burns slowly in your throat.
2005-04-27
day 489: release of Stay With Me Tonight
the newspapers that day were drowned in praises of a group's successful debut in japan. stay with me tonight, it said. and you laugh at that. you're tired. there's nothing to break the monotony of the routine you have. somewhere along the road it's as if the colours were bleached by work and grocery shopping.
even the television programmes sound like static to your ears. but before you switch it off once again, there's a slight flash of colour that catches your attention. five people in the scrutinizing eyes of the media, gait uncertain and japanese fumbling awkwardly from their mouths. but you notice they never stopped holding hands, even as they exit from the stage. even when they bow.
they seem close, you think. i would like a friendship like that.
2006-03-22
day 816: release of Heart, Mind and Soul
notables: 2006-09-29: release of "O"-正.反.合.
you surf the net perhaps to grasp onto some semblance of hope that there's a life out there for you. in one of your recent trawls, there's a video of five men dressed in red. it's not something exceptional. but the wheelchair in the center catches you by surprise.
celebrities have an ability to force their tears out when they want to. you hear a reporter questioning one of the five after you press play, what present would you like to receive for the new year? the other four imperceptibly tense, but he had remained unfazed.
the only present that i really want now is jaejoong hyung's knee to get well soon, he had said with a shaky smile.
you'd think they were merely toying with your emotions, pulling on their fans' heartstrings for more support. but the jaejoong hyung you see does not cry. he lowers his head down instead, as if trying not to let the tears run down his cheeks. just before the camera stops rolling, you catch a brief hand squeeze from jaejoong hyung to the other, and somehow that squeezes your heart too.
2007-06-18
day 1269: release of The 2nd Asia Tour Concert 'O' Live
it's pretty easy to fall once you've started. a video escalates into two, and forays into a bundle of mp3's and posters you keep safely at home. you don't bother to follow their every footstep, or read every piece of news, but at least you've got the basics right. dong bang shin ki spells of five and they sing like no other ever did. that's all that mattered.
it's a forum post that brings you to the knowledge of their suffering in japan. surely, you feel that nothing's smooth-sailing in life. begin still works in nudging your tears out though, when they sing; the future's confusing / but we're not defeated / look, you're already laughing. and they cry too. men on stage aren't supposed to cry, but they do so anyway. you realize later that perhaps they're still little boys, afraid of failing, losing everything they hold so dear. afraid of what's next.
later you find out that they had thought begin to be their last performance, before they are shipped back to korea again, because of their dismal sales in japan. look where they are now, you think proudly. at the back of your mind you remember how they were still holding hands when they had exited, and a fancam you had watched afterwards, of micky wiping the tears from hero. of xiah laughing while embraced by the five.
not only two years. but even until twenty, two hundred, two thousand years... we always have to be together. - Yoochun
2008-11-15
day 1784: MKMF 2008's Album of the Year
you're crying and squealing with joy, along with eight hundred thousand others when yunho collects the trophy, yoochun, jaejoong, changmin and junsu close behind. you know all their names by now.
it feels silly to feel so happy for an achievement that you had no part in. but the emotional investments you've made only encourage the tears from falling. yunho embraces jaejoong tight in his arms, face captured in total elation and bliss. the yunjae fans you know go rabid. and then there's a little hug by yoochun and changmin at the edge of the camera's view too. but in the end, everything falls back to five. their group hugs always last the longest. it's as if no one wants to be the first to let go.
Fan: No matter what, you guys are always five. Even until the end, you guys have to be with Cassiopeia~ ^^ Promise!
Jaejoong: No matter what, we are always five. ^^
-- 2008-04-09 UFO reply
2009-02-20
day 1881: 3rd Asia Tour Mirotic
everything feels like a dream when you're face to face with them. or rather, you're a face in the audience to them on stage. seeing the five whom pictures you've ogled at and songs you've swooned to right in front of you is an experience on its own.
there's a part where jaejoong forgets his lyrics. it isn't obvious, but there's nothing you can't catch after repeating that song for more than a thousand times. it doesn't last for long though, as changmin quickly steps to fill in the empty spaces, and junsu to cover the silence. later you notice jaejoong giving an appreciative squeeze to both their shoulders, and to yunho and yoochun as well. don't even think about it, is an expression he receives in return. like it's so natural to make and forgive mistakes. it's like they're family.
only when the five of us are together, are we called TVXQ! - Changmin
2010-04-03
day 2288: filing of lawsuit
the first thing that flits through your mind when you hear the news is not utter devastation. instead, it's more of 'what if's' and 'what's next'. you feel a little betrayed, and sad that it's very likely you're never going to hear the five sing together ever again. and you're too emotionally invested to just leave it like that. you pray the most fervent that their friendship's not ruined.
once, you read in an interview that the members would like - for all five of them - to find some time in the future to go to someplace peaceful and quiet, where they could really have fun together. you wonder if they ever got the chance.
the members are like my brothers. we are just like a family. - Junsu
2011-01-05
day 2565: release of Keep Your Head Down
it's been a little more than a year but to you it feels like decades. things seemed to have escalated to a point of no return, but somehow you're still here, holding on. you take solace, and although guilty, find comfort in jaejoong's drunken tweets of missing yunho and changmin. it gives you hope that there's still a chance yet, for them to be together once again. sometimes you wonder if you're clinging on, only because you want to see how everything's going to end. only because you don't want your perfect image of the five of them, knitted ever so closely by their bonds, ruined.
sometimes you regret. other times, you briefly wonder about how your life was before dong bang shin ki. before the five of them came in and swept you away on an emotional rollercoaster you've never been any happier to ride on. and sometimes, sometimes you really believe that no matter how everything ends, they're still going to be friends. and it's worth holding on, till the very end.
∞
day infinite: Faith carries on
people die. things decay. lights dim. everything that seems so solid is meaningless.
all that's left are the gestures we make. gestures and air.
that's what we remember. but-
never forget.
they were once. you were happy.
you both were.
“what would you do if you met the three (jyj) again after 10 years?”
i think i'll give them a good scolding and a clout. but also, a big hug -- Yunho 2011-01-12
in order of years:
01-04: 2005; 05-10: 2006; 11-12: 2007; 13-36: 2008; 37-41: 2009; 42-67: 2010; 68-85: 2011; 86-100: infinite
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my very late thank you for 100++ members and watchers.
you don't know how much it means to me, that more than 100 people are here
bothering to give their support to this person who really isn't deserving
of so much. so thank you, thank you, and thank you. i'll work hard.
♥♥♥
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+ please credit pikasu if using and please don't distribute without permission
+ i'm not going to lock this post because there's a fic, so i'd really appreciate no stealing ♥