pikasu
in
crosswards
lights go on again
Title: lights go on again
Pairing: doojoon/yoseob, ot6
Rating: pg
Genre: fluff, angst
Length: oneshot
A/N: Thank you so much to lenggiiee for the beta, this is for you! ♥
Summary: It's all dark for Yoseob, until Doojoon and the others show him a little bit of light.
lights go on again
Yoseob feels like he's asleep.
All he sees is a muddle of black when he closes his eyes, and sometimes there are a few white patches - like the spotlights he sees when they're performing on stage. When he opens his eyes though, the darkness still remains. Yoseob tries blinking a few times, and wonders if he's in a dream. It's all dark now, and it's even worse than when they're travelling back to the dorms in the early mornings when the sun hasn't risen. It's black like an abyss, and Yoseob feels as if he's falling into it. He clenches his fists, once, to check if he's still there, if he's still the Yang Yoseob of BEAST, and another to make sure that it isn't a dream. It isn't a really bad nightmare.
The panic settles in now, when Yoseob realizes that it's still dark out there and he can't see a thing even after he tries to rapidly blink to dispell all the black he sees. It doesn't work. He thrashes a few times, and his heart races so very fast out of anxiety that Yoseob feels like throwing it all up. He doesn't succeed in that either, and instead struggles with his hands to find something familiar, something he knows in the darkness he's in.
He hears sounds now - a few escalated shouts of surprise, the pattering of hasty footsteps and the rustling of blankets. He barely manages to catch a 'He's awake!' before he is jolted upright. A pair of foreign hands begin to roam around his body, occasionally stopping to press on some of his pressure points. It stops, and then he hears the sound of pen against paper, tapping incessantly on a clipboard. Yoseob struggles a little then, only because he doesn't know what's going on and feels so very lost and afraid of the darkness he's seeing. The hands only hold him down tighter, and a switch is flicked on before Yoseob is finally released.
“Wh - what's going on?” Yoseob finally whispers. It feels so foreign to hear his voice echoing back to him in the dark. It's as if he's alone, and he's the only one out there in this lonely world he is trapped in. And he is about to panic again when he is met with five, so very familiar voices.
“Yoseobie!” Yoseob hears Kikwang exclaim before he is tackled. He catches a protest from Doojoon and a slight snicker from Hyunseung before he is buried in a pile of warmth. Yoseob extends his hands, and tries to reach for Kikwang's face in the darkness, but it doesn't clear, and he can't do anything but grope randomly around him.
There's a sharp intake of breath after his attempt, and a slight muffled scream from Hyunseung. Yoseob hears a brief shout of panic from Kikwang, who has now shuffled off his bed and most probably is beside him. Then, there's a few murmurs from unfamiliar voices, and the cracking of porcelain before Yoseob hears a hasty and furious “Blind?” being whispered by Dongwoon.
“Oh,” Yoseob thinks. Oh, he's blind.
And he really doesn't know what to think, or what to feel anymore when he hears a few muffled protests and sobs. So he clenches on a little harder and tries not to let the sorrow get to him yet. Yoseob can't cry now. He can't. Not when everyone's here worrying for him and when he's already so useless and so helpless in this darkness. He bites his lips, and after hearing some steady clicks of footsteps, Yoseob feels a warm hand enveloping his.
“Shh,” Doojoon's voice floats to him in the darkness. And Yoseob sighs, a little in relief that he finally feels something familiar with him, and tucks it safely in his heart. “We'll get through this together,” Doojoon whispers comfortingly. “You'll be okay, you'll be fine. It's okay. It's okay, Yoseobie.”
And then Yoseob hears the other four voices from his members and four pairs of hands clasped firmly on his own. “We'll be waiting,” they say. “You're going to be fine, you're going to be all right. We'll always be here.” He feels the warmth of an embrace and even more comforting strokes, and finally, he lets himself relax a little. But then when everyone's surrounding him and all he feels is love, Yoseob catches a stray thought and is startled.
“Oh,” Yoseob realizes then. Oh, he's blind.
Oh, he isn't going to be able to sing with them ever again.
---
He hears from the nurse that comes to check on him that management's sent the other members away and BEAST is continuing to promote as usual, sans their lead singer. A pang of helplessness always hits him at random times, and the tears always threaten to spill. But Yoseob always holds it in, because in this darkness of his, he doesn't know when there are people and he doesn't know when he's alone. So he decides not to cry at all, in case anyone sees him. Because he really doesn't want anybody to worry further, and certainly doesn't want the other members to waste their careers worrying for useless, useless Yoseob.
They visit frequently of course, whenever they manage to squeeze in a little time before their next schedule. Doojoon's always here. Well, he's been here the most, and always clings onto Yoseob's hand when he visits. Yoseob likes it when Doojoon visits. He likes the familiar scent and the familiar touch of his amazing and brilliant leader. And Yoseob likes how Doojoon always threads his hand across his hair and strokes it as if he's the most important thing in the entire world. Sometimes, it feels like Yoseob's normal again. Like he's just taking a very long nap and Doojoon's with him in his dreamland. Sometimes, it's as if he's back to the Yang Yoseob that everyone loves - that Doojoon loves and cares for with all his heart, and he's the lead singer of BEAST that's always mistaken for the maknae. And there are also times where Yoseob feels like the lights are flicked on again, and all he sees is white from the spotlights that shine upon him when he, when BEAST, is up performing and singing together.
But no matter how he feels, the darkness still remains.
---
When the others visit, Junhyung's always the one fussing and tucking in the blankets a little tighter around Yoseob just so he's warmer than usual. He tells Yoseob to be careful when he's going to the toilet and always call a nurse for assistance and to drink lots and lots of water because he needs it for his throat. Yoseob wants to tell him that no, he doesn't need it. He doesn't think that he's going to get out of this darkness and face the stagelights, the camera lights anymore. Because Yoseob's just a stupid blind idiot that can't really sing and no one loves a useless lead singer. But still, he nods when Junhyung tells him about how he shouldn't do this and how he needs to be careful with that, because Junhyung, because BEAST, still means the world to him, and he's not going to let that crash down due to his pessimism.
A little part of him doesn't agree with that though. There's a little part of him that simply wants the darkness to end and that part of him believes in the fact that one day, one day Yoseob's going to find the switch and turn the lights on. One day, he's going to sing again and he's going to stand on that stage with five of the dearest people he knows and he's going to shine.
Yoseob's going to wake up from this nightmare, and he's going to sing. He's going to sing until his throat turns dry and he's going to sing even more, even until his voice wears out. Because Yoseob loves to sing. He loves to sing with the others and he loves, loves everything about music. And that's the only thing he can do. It's the only thing that he thinks he's good at - though he still isn't the best, but at least it's something that people like; it's something that he loves.
So Yoseob's going to try a little harder. Just for them. Just for BEAST. Just to sing.
---
It's really hard though, and sometimes Yoseob feels like giving up. He feels as if the darkness is never going to end no matter how long he walks in it and no matter how much love and determination he has. And it hurts, it hurts so much to let the thought of not singing and not standing on stage anymore sear his mind. So sometimes he cries. Sometimes he buries himself in the pillow and sobs. He's wary though, that someone might spot him, but there are times where he just can't take it anymore and the only thing he can find himself to do in all the darkness he's in is to cry.
And it's on one of these days that Doojoon visits, and sees a crying Yoseob.
Yoseob doesn't know it's Doojoon at first, as there's only a soft tapping in footsteps before it is silence once again. He had assumed it to be a staff walking along the corridors. And it is only until the pair of hands grasp softly onto his and the same fingers thread across his hair that Yoseob realizes it's been Doojoon all along. It's been Doojoon that's silently watching over him and it's been Doojoon that doesn't ask a thing but allows him to cry his heart out.
With the knowledge of that, Yoseob can do nothing but sob even harder. Though he had told himself not to, but he can't really help it. He doesn't understand why Doojoon would care so much for a useless person like him, who can't even sing with them anymore. And who, has left BEAST to promote without their lead singer. And he doesn't and couldn't understand how his Doojoon (his, and only his), would still love him after everything and would still stroke his hair as if he's still the most important thing in the world.
“Are you still waiting?” Yoseob asks tentatively one day in between his tears when Doojoon's here.
There's a period of silence, and Doojoon clenches onto his hand even tighter, as if it's his heart that's clenching equally as tight. “We'll wait forever if we have to.”
They lay there in silence afterwards, and Doojoon would sometimes press his lips softly against Yoseob's, as if he's trying to transfer all his love and longing across.
“I'll wait forever.”
---
It's on a Sunday night when Yoseob regains his sight. It happens so suddenly that Yoseob still think he's dreaming when he finally opens his eyes and sees something other than pitch black. It's all bleary at first, but he makes out a vase of flowers beside his bed. It's probably the thing that broke the first time he had regained consciousness. He finally sees his hand - it's still the same as ever and the whites and all the flowers that the members have been leaving him. And then he turns around, and sees a small paper heart on his bedside, with Doojoon's name scrawled on it.
Yoseob laughs then - it's just like Doojoon to do such a thing. He reaches for the heart and uses his free hand to rub his eyes, as if it'll help them focus. When he unfolds the heart, he spots the smidges of black ink written inside in Doojoon's handwriting.
“This heart of mine belongs to you. I'll never let you give it back.”
It is a few hours later when Doojoon enters the room to visit Yoseob again. Then, Yoseob has folded the heart back and he is clutching it tightly in his arms, and pressing it firmly against his chest, as if they're beating in sync. Doojoon blinks, and then he notices the smile on Yoseob's face and how Yoseob is looking at him, and only him. That's when he catches himself, and realizes the fact that Yoseob's not blind anymore. He's okay now.
And that's all it takes for Doojoon to hug Yoseob there and then and kiss the breath out of him. The heart is enveloped between them, and they stay like that, until Yoseob runs out of breath. They pull away from each other, only to hug once again. And it is then that Yoseob feels truly at bliss, and truly happy that he can see once again. He can see the curves of Doojoon's cheekbones and Doojoon's eyes and how Doojoon's hands run against his hair and petting him like he's the most important person to Doojoon. He can see how his own hands find their way to Doojoon's back and trace patterns over it, and he can see how Doojoon smiles when Yoseob smiles too, as if Doojoon's the most important person in the world to Yoseob.
Later, they are joined by the other members, who had dashed over immediately after waking from their slumber. They hug then, and they hug Yoseob so tight that Yoseob feels that he's never going to breathe the same way anymore.
And it's only then when Yoseob finally hears the flick of the switch in his head, and it's only then when all the darkness finally goes away.
The lights are on again.
---
A/N: ...my first beast fic. i hope i didn't butcher all their characters T_T yomi, this is for you!! thank you for being so amazing and such a b2st fairy ♥ merry christmas (late!) but ilu! ;;
Pairing: doojoon/yoseob, ot6
Rating: pg
Genre: fluff, angst
Length: oneshot
A/N: Thank you so much to lenggiiee for the beta, this is for you! ♥
Summary: It's all dark for Yoseob, until Doojoon and the others show him a little bit of light.
lights go on again
Yoseob feels like he's asleep.
All he sees is a muddle of black when he closes his eyes, and sometimes there are a few white patches - like the spotlights he sees when they're performing on stage. When he opens his eyes though, the darkness still remains. Yoseob tries blinking a few times, and wonders if he's in a dream. It's all dark now, and it's even worse than when they're travelling back to the dorms in the early mornings when the sun hasn't risen. It's black like an abyss, and Yoseob feels as if he's falling into it. He clenches his fists, once, to check if he's still there, if he's still the Yang Yoseob of BEAST, and another to make sure that it isn't a dream. It isn't a really bad nightmare.
The panic settles in now, when Yoseob realizes that it's still dark out there and he can't see a thing even after he tries to rapidly blink to dispell all the black he sees. It doesn't work. He thrashes a few times, and his heart races so very fast out of anxiety that Yoseob feels like throwing it all up. He doesn't succeed in that either, and instead struggles with his hands to find something familiar, something he knows in the darkness he's in.
He hears sounds now - a few escalated shouts of surprise, the pattering of hasty footsteps and the rustling of blankets. He barely manages to catch a 'He's awake!' before he is jolted upright. A pair of foreign hands begin to roam around his body, occasionally stopping to press on some of his pressure points. It stops, and then he hears the sound of pen against paper, tapping incessantly on a clipboard. Yoseob struggles a little then, only because he doesn't know what's going on and feels so very lost and afraid of the darkness he's seeing. The hands only hold him down tighter, and a switch is flicked on before Yoseob is finally released.
“Wh - what's going on?” Yoseob finally whispers. It feels so foreign to hear his voice echoing back to him in the dark. It's as if he's alone, and he's the only one out there in this lonely world he is trapped in. And he is about to panic again when he is met with five, so very familiar voices.
“Yoseobie!” Yoseob hears Kikwang exclaim before he is tackled. He catches a protest from Doojoon and a slight snicker from Hyunseung before he is buried in a pile of warmth. Yoseob extends his hands, and tries to reach for Kikwang's face in the darkness, but it doesn't clear, and he can't do anything but grope randomly around him.
There's a sharp intake of breath after his attempt, and a slight muffled scream from Hyunseung. Yoseob hears a brief shout of panic from Kikwang, who has now shuffled off his bed and most probably is beside him. Then, there's a few murmurs from unfamiliar voices, and the cracking of porcelain before Yoseob hears a hasty and furious “Blind?” being whispered by Dongwoon.
“Oh,” Yoseob thinks. Oh, he's blind.
And he really doesn't know what to think, or what to feel anymore when he hears a few muffled protests and sobs. So he clenches on a little harder and tries not to let the sorrow get to him yet. Yoseob can't cry now. He can't. Not when everyone's here worrying for him and when he's already so useless and so helpless in this darkness. He bites his lips, and after hearing some steady clicks of footsteps, Yoseob feels a warm hand enveloping his.
“Shh,” Doojoon's voice floats to him in the darkness. And Yoseob sighs, a little in relief that he finally feels something familiar with him, and tucks it safely in his heart. “We'll get through this together,” Doojoon whispers comfortingly. “You'll be okay, you'll be fine. It's okay. It's okay, Yoseobie.”
And then Yoseob hears the other four voices from his members and four pairs of hands clasped firmly on his own. “We'll be waiting,” they say. “You're going to be fine, you're going to be all right. We'll always be here.” He feels the warmth of an embrace and even more comforting strokes, and finally, he lets himself relax a little. But then when everyone's surrounding him and all he feels is love, Yoseob catches a stray thought and is startled.
“Oh,” Yoseob realizes then. Oh, he's blind.
Oh, he isn't going to be able to sing with them ever again.
---
He hears from the nurse that comes to check on him that management's sent the other members away and BEAST is continuing to promote as usual, sans their lead singer. A pang of helplessness always hits him at random times, and the tears always threaten to spill. But Yoseob always holds it in, because in this darkness of his, he doesn't know when there are people and he doesn't know when he's alone. So he decides not to cry at all, in case anyone sees him. Because he really doesn't want anybody to worry further, and certainly doesn't want the other members to waste their careers worrying for useless, useless Yoseob.
They visit frequently of course, whenever they manage to squeeze in a little time before their next schedule. Doojoon's always here. Well, he's been here the most, and always clings onto Yoseob's hand when he visits. Yoseob likes it when Doojoon visits. He likes the familiar scent and the familiar touch of his amazing and brilliant leader. And Yoseob likes how Doojoon always threads his hand across his hair and strokes it as if he's the most important thing in the entire world. Sometimes, it feels like Yoseob's normal again. Like he's just taking a very long nap and Doojoon's with him in his dreamland. Sometimes, it's as if he's back to the Yang Yoseob that everyone loves - that Doojoon loves and cares for with all his heart, and he's the lead singer of BEAST that's always mistaken for the maknae. And there are also times where Yoseob feels like the lights are flicked on again, and all he sees is white from the spotlights that shine upon him when he, when BEAST, is up performing and singing together.
But no matter how he feels, the darkness still remains.
---
When the others visit, Junhyung's always the one fussing and tucking in the blankets a little tighter around Yoseob just so he's warmer than usual. He tells Yoseob to be careful when he's going to the toilet and always call a nurse for assistance and to drink lots and lots of water because he needs it for his throat. Yoseob wants to tell him that no, he doesn't need it. He doesn't think that he's going to get out of this darkness and face the stagelights, the camera lights anymore. Because Yoseob's just a stupid blind idiot that can't really sing and no one loves a useless lead singer. But still, he nods when Junhyung tells him about how he shouldn't do this and how he needs to be careful with that, because Junhyung, because BEAST, still means the world to him, and he's not going to let that crash down due to his pessimism.
A little part of him doesn't agree with that though. There's a little part of him that simply wants the darkness to end and that part of him believes in the fact that one day, one day Yoseob's going to find the switch and turn the lights on. One day, he's going to sing again and he's going to stand on that stage with five of the dearest people he knows and he's going to shine.
Yoseob's going to wake up from this nightmare, and he's going to sing. He's going to sing until his throat turns dry and he's going to sing even more, even until his voice wears out. Because Yoseob loves to sing. He loves to sing with the others and he loves, loves everything about music. And that's the only thing he can do. It's the only thing that he thinks he's good at - though he still isn't the best, but at least it's something that people like; it's something that he loves.
So Yoseob's going to try a little harder. Just for them. Just for BEAST. Just to sing.
---
It's really hard though, and sometimes Yoseob feels like giving up. He feels as if the darkness is never going to end no matter how long he walks in it and no matter how much love and determination he has. And it hurts, it hurts so much to let the thought of not singing and not standing on stage anymore sear his mind. So sometimes he cries. Sometimes he buries himself in the pillow and sobs. He's wary though, that someone might spot him, but there are times where he just can't take it anymore and the only thing he can find himself to do in all the darkness he's in is to cry.
And it's on one of these days that Doojoon visits, and sees a crying Yoseob.
Yoseob doesn't know it's Doojoon at first, as there's only a soft tapping in footsteps before it is silence once again. He had assumed it to be a staff walking along the corridors. And it is only until the pair of hands grasp softly onto his and the same fingers thread across his hair that Yoseob realizes it's been Doojoon all along. It's been Doojoon that's silently watching over him and it's been Doojoon that doesn't ask a thing but allows him to cry his heart out.
With the knowledge of that, Yoseob can do nothing but sob even harder. Though he had told himself not to, but he can't really help it. He doesn't understand why Doojoon would care so much for a useless person like him, who can't even sing with them anymore. And who, has left BEAST to promote without their lead singer. And he doesn't and couldn't understand how his Doojoon (his, and only his), would still love him after everything and would still stroke his hair as if he's still the most important thing in the world.
“Are you still waiting?” Yoseob asks tentatively one day in between his tears when Doojoon's here.
There's a period of silence, and Doojoon clenches onto his hand even tighter, as if it's his heart that's clenching equally as tight. “We'll wait forever if we have to.”
They lay there in silence afterwards, and Doojoon would sometimes press his lips softly against Yoseob's, as if he's trying to transfer all his love and longing across.
“I'll wait forever.”
---
It's on a Sunday night when Yoseob regains his sight. It happens so suddenly that Yoseob still think he's dreaming when he finally opens his eyes and sees something other than pitch black. It's all bleary at first, but he makes out a vase of flowers beside his bed. It's probably the thing that broke the first time he had regained consciousness. He finally sees his hand - it's still the same as ever and the whites and all the flowers that the members have been leaving him. And then he turns around, and sees a small paper heart on his bedside, with Doojoon's name scrawled on it.
Yoseob laughs then - it's just like Doojoon to do such a thing. He reaches for the heart and uses his free hand to rub his eyes, as if it'll help them focus. When he unfolds the heart, he spots the smidges of black ink written inside in Doojoon's handwriting.
“This heart of mine belongs to you. I'll never let you give it back.”
It is a few hours later when Doojoon enters the room to visit Yoseob again. Then, Yoseob has folded the heart back and he is clutching it tightly in his arms, and pressing it firmly against his chest, as if they're beating in sync. Doojoon blinks, and then he notices the smile on Yoseob's face and how Yoseob is looking at him, and only him. That's when he catches himself, and realizes the fact that Yoseob's not blind anymore. He's okay now.
And that's all it takes for Doojoon to hug Yoseob there and then and kiss the breath out of him. The heart is enveloped between them, and they stay like that, until Yoseob runs out of breath. They pull away from each other, only to hug once again. And it is then that Yoseob feels truly at bliss, and truly happy that he can see once again. He can see the curves of Doojoon's cheekbones and Doojoon's eyes and how Doojoon's hands run against his hair and petting him like he's the most important person to Doojoon. He can see how his own hands find their way to Doojoon's back and trace patterns over it, and he can see how Doojoon smiles when Yoseob smiles too, as if Doojoon's the most important person in the world to Yoseob.
Later, they are joined by the other members, who had dashed over immediately after waking from their slumber. They hug then, and they hug Yoseob so tight that Yoseob feels that he's never going to breathe the same way anymore.
And it's only then when Yoseob finally hears the flick of the switch in his head, and it's only then when all the darkness finally goes away.
The lights are on again.
---
A/N: ...my first beast fic. i hope i didn't butcher all their characters T_T yomi, this is for you!! thank you for being so amazing and such a b2st fairy ♥ merry christmas (late!) but ilu! ;;