pikasu
in
crosswards
always meant to be (apart), never meant to be (apart)
Title: Always meant to be (apart), never meant to be (apart).
Pairing: OT5, Yunjae if you squint.
Rating: PG
Genre: Angst
Summary: Jaejoong looks back one day sometime in the future when he finally catches his breath, where the sun rises a little too slow and there isn't anymore Dong Bang Shin Ki or J.Y.J and they were Rising Gods no more.
Jaejoong looks back one day sometime in the future when he finally catches his breath, where the sun rises a little too slow and there isn't anymore Dong Bang Shin Ki or J.Y.J and they were Rising Gods no more. He notices, more often now, the new slew of idol groups trickling into the entertainment industry, concerts filled with far greater oceans of blue, white and green meshed together, the horde of loyal screaming fans that followed behind their every footstep. And just like that, suddenly DBSK becomes a distant name, and the red ocean fades to black just like the ends of their concerts in the past.
He's older now, wiser - he dare say. Jaejoong recalls a fragment of a question asked by some reporter he never remembered, "in your life, in all your success, do you have anything you regret?".
Jaejoong thinks about Changmin's tear-stricken face that still haunts his memory, hears a silent crack of Yunho's heart when he parts with Junsu and Yoochun, suitcases in hand, ready to leave their happy bubble of love.
He was so foolish, so rash, so young, back then.
He thinks about the unforgiving conflicts between lawyers, the scrutiny of the media as Dong Bang Shin Ki caught separate flights, as they never held concerts together anymore. He thinks about the headlines slamming newspapers day by day, of J.Y.J moving on?, of DBSK no more? and of Shim Changmin attends Jung Yunho's marriage. He thinks of the private cuddles Junsu and Yoochun shared with him when the world spun too fast for their liking, when their hearts were filled with nothing but regret and regret for being so stupid, stupid, stupid.
Jaejoong doesn't know, even now, what possessed him to break his family apart. Perhaps it was the fame, or the wealth he was promised if he broke free of SM's chains, or perhaps his childish self thought that their family would never break, no matter what happened. Perhaps he thought that he could chase his own happiness, if he broke free.
But Jaejoong's sure of this - he isn't happy now. He was never happy at all.
He guesses maybe that's why J.Y.J crashed and burned while Yunho and Changmin faded away - the stage always felt too empty without all five of them on it.
(A fan had said once, Jaejoong recalls, that although he was indeed talented and sung like an angel, when DBSK was on stage together - they were magic.)
--
Jaejoong stops his car. He's finally here.
He feels his tears trickling down as his (still, branded) boots trudged down the parched grass, a bouquet of fresh roses in his hands.
"You're here again," a woman says, smiling through tears.
"I'll always come," Jaejoong says softly.
"You would think, even after 20 years, it'll be easier huh," the woman whispers softly.
Jaejoong smiles painfully.
The woman leaves Jaejoong alone in the silence, like every year. Jaejoong sits on the grass patch and rests the flowers on the ground.
Jaejoong's mind slowly whirls like a movie, playing flashes of Yunho's smile, Junsu's laughter, Yoochun's piano playing and Changmin's mouth full of food. He suddenly feels as if he's dreaming, as if he's back on stage with all five of them together again, singing the last verse of the song, facing the magnificent red ocean once more. He dreams that there was never a lawsuit, that he still had Yunho's heart with him, that his heart with still with Yunho's. He dreams of having his family back again.
But the song ends, like how all songs do. And Jaejoong finds himself back in reality.
"I guess I'm the only one left huh," Jaejoong chuckles sadly as he faces the four tombstones, neatly lined together as if they were never meant to be apart.
And like every year, Jaejoong breaks down, sobbing and crying, his graying strands of hair now tinged with tears.
"We had a good run," he forces himself to say.
No, it could have been longer. No, it's not over yet.
No, we were always meant to be together.
Pairing: OT5, Yunjae if you squint.
Rating: PG
Genre: Angst
Summary: Jaejoong looks back one day sometime in the future when he finally catches his breath, where the sun rises a little too slow and there isn't anymore Dong Bang Shin Ki or J.Y.J and they were Rising Gods no more.
Jaejoong looks back one day sometime in the future when he finally catches his breath, where the sun rises a little too slow and there isn't anymore Dong Bang Shin Ki or J.Y.J and they were Rising Gods no more. He notices, more often now, the new slew of idol groups trickling into the entertainment industry, concerts filled with far greater oceans of blue, white and green meshed together, the horde of loyal screaming fans that followed behind their every footstep. And just like that, suddenly DBSK becomes a distant name, and the red ocean fades to black just like the ends of their concerts in the past.
He's older now, wiser - he dare say. Jaejoong recalls a fragment of a question asked by some reporter he never remembered, "in your life, in all your success, do you have anything you regret?".
Jaejoong thinks about Changmin's tear-stricken face that still haunts his memory, hears a silent crack of Yunho's heart when he parts with Junsu and Yoochun, suitcases in hand, ready to leave their happy bubble of love.
He was so foolish, so rash, so young, back then.
He thinks about the unforgiving conflicts between lawyers, the scrutiny of the media as Dong Bang Shin Ki caught separate flights, as they never held concerts together anymore. He thinks about the headlines slamming newspapers day by day, of J.Y.J moving on?, of DBSK no more? and of Shim Changmin attends Jung Yunho's marriage. He thinks of the private cuddles Junsu and Yoochun shared with him when the world spun too fast for their liking, when their hearts were filled with nothing but regret and regret for being so stupid, stupid, stupid.
Jaejoong doesn't know, even now, what possessed him to break his family apart. Perhaps it was the fame, or the wealth he was promised if he broke free of SM's chains, or perhaps his childish self thought that their family would never break, no matter what happened. Perhaps he thought that he could chase his own happiness, if he broke free.
But Jaejoong's sure of this - he isn't happy now. He was never happy at all.
He guesses maybe that's why J.Y.J crashed and burned while Yunho and Changmin faded away - the stage always felt too empty without all five of them on it.
(A fan had said once, Jaejoong recalls, that although he was indeed talented and sung like an angel, when DBSK was on stage together - they were magic.)
--
Jaejoong stops his car. He's finally here.
He feels his tears trickling down as his (still, branded) boots trudged down the parched grass, a bouquet of fresh roses in his hands.
"You're here again," a woman says, smiling through tears.
"I'll always come," Jaejoong says softly.
"You would think, even after 20 years, it'll be easier huh," the woman whispers softly.
Jaejoong smiles painfully.
The woman leaves Jaejoong alone in the silence, like every year. Jaejoong sits on the grass patch and rests the flowers on the ground.
Jaejoong's mind slowly whirls like a movie, playing flashes of Yunho's smile, Junsu's laughter, Yoochun's piano playing and Changmin's mouth full of food. He suddenly feels as if he's dreaming, as if he's back on stage with all five of them together again, singing the last verse of the song, facing the magnificent red ocean once more. He dreams that there was never a lawsuit, that he still had Yunho's heart with him, that his heart with still with Yunho's. He dreams of having his family back again.
But the song ends, like how all songs do. And Jaejoong finds himself back in reality.
"I guess I'm the only one left huh," Jaejoong chuckles sadly as he faces the four tombstones, neatly lined together as if they were never meant to be apart.
And like every year, Jaejoong breaks down, sobbing and crying, his graying strands of hair now tinged with tears.
"We had a good run," he forces himself to say.
No, it could have been longer. No, it's not over yet.
No, we were always meant to be together.