It's The Bitter Taste Of Losing Everything I Held So Dear...
...I think far too much when I'm alone, and frankly, that can be disasterous. The more the minutes progress, the more I think about how cold he was on the phone, and how he is with his ex, the stripper, and how maybe I shouldn't have turned down Josh's offer for that date. He said he would call, he hasn't. He's the first boy I have bought underwear for. The first boy I've actually cared enough about, to bother looking at the underwear I put on. I stare at his artwork, hanging on my wall, and think to myself that I'm a fool. A fool for saying no to his proposal, and how I wouldn't be aflicted with anxious stomache aches, if I would have just said yes. I've scheduled the rest of my week, chock full, so I have as little time as possible to let my mind wander. It does though, it sneaks up on me, and I start to think about us and about me, and how I'm not strong enough to handle this. I'm pondering going out with another guy when he's gone for a week. What's going to happen when I go to school? I miss you Nick, and I need you. I trust you more than my conscience. Tomorrow is work until 6, then I have dinner plans with Ben. Ben, who is Dom's best friend, and complete two faced asshole. Kristen and I went over his place last night, and he didnt have a good thing to say about him, only furthering my suspicion that the secret reason he's mad at Dom is me. He was going to make me dinner, but decided to take me out, because he doesnt know how to make anything that doesnt involve meat. If he offers to pay, I will refuse. That is crossing a couple of boundaries even I won't touch. I talked to Kristofer about all this today, and he says I shouldnt even do it, because if he were Dom, it would make him uncomfortable. I would ask him myself, but he is MIA. Friday, I dont work, which will make my day excruciatingly boring, unless I can coax Ginny to let me come over so we can finally make my comforter, and I will play with the baby and she will make me happy. Friday night, is your birthday, and hopefully you will be home and anxious to party it up. I found a great card today, that I think you will love. Saturday is my aunt's crop, where I will surprise them all by showing up, since it will be the last time I will see them all before I go to school. Saturday night is Ben's gig at Rain, and I will attend to pacify his ego, and my boredom. Sunday, we will take Kristin to Coventry again, to experience the shops, since when we went Tuesday night at 9, all the stores were closed. Monday, I will work, and he will come home, and I will greet him with much confrontation and kisses. This will be interesting. I'm lonely, and no ammount of music, books or television can pacify my racing head. Maybe yoga? My brother uses my mat for his squats and it smells like gross boy. Mr. Kris will help me sort all this out in the morning, since he is home from vacation, and I missed him bunches. Ms. Woj has been much comfort in this situation, and makes me feel better, while Ms. Krista makes me want to punch her in the face. She has some brass balls in her panties. It goes beyond crass to yell at someone all day, ask them to buy you lunch, tell them even though they do, that you wont pay them back, then yell at them some more, before you even finish swallowing your food, that they bought. Fuck you. I got my hair done, by this great chick named Sarah, who's boyfriend will pierce my nose for free as long as I buy the jewlery. Its purple and carmel, and looks really cool. I cant wait to see what the counselors say. Dom will hate it, and Nick, youll love it. I'm going to try to sleep, coaxing myself with the simulated exaustion that I'll feel tomorrow at about 6:05. Tschus kids. Meg.