Angry niggling.
I've been having angry niggling feelings lately.
About little stuff that I never really realised before.
Like...ever since year 8, there was a little group of people who were always teasing me when I happened to walk past, always making jokes, saying mean stuff in a 'joking' manner and I suppose they always thought because they were 'joking' it didn't really matter. Just stuff like "oooh alice, have you got enough text books there?" or "have you done all your homework yet?" or "are you going to the library again to be friends with all the books?" and other stuff like that, stuff about never having a boyfriend etc.
They weren't mean people. In fact, they were nice to lots of other people but they were unkind to some people too.
I never really thought about that til now, but when I think about it, that actually upset me quite alot. There were a few of them at clunes so I spent lots of time in my house. I know they didn't think I was stupid or naive, cos when I one time had to work on a group project with one of them and was late to school one morning cos I was getting orthodontics, they sent an email to me "you better get there, the whole presentation will be useless unless you get here to lead it, you're the only one that knows whats going on"
Because they were always joking, I supposed that I shouldn't get upset about it. After all, they were only joking.
...but then today I got thinking, what was the point of them doing that? What were they getting out of? Maybe they got to laugh, but it wasn't really beneficial in anyway and it really wasn't that funny...I'm a nerd and always have been and one of those akward teenagery people who didn't always have many friends but I never denied it and neither did anybody else, so why make jokes about it? Nobody else laughed. I didn't laugh. I just felt humiliated and kept going on my way. All the way up until year 12 it kept happening and I kept thinking it was ok, cos they were just joking.
Today I had this vivd daydream that at a 5 year reunion, the same thing would happen, even when we were all grown up.
This is what I would like to say to them:
"What are you doing this for? Is it making you feel better about yourself? Cos if it is you should feel terrible that you have to put others down to bring yourself up. Is it just a joke? Cos if it is its not very funny so whats your point? Don't you think that its a little immature that you get some pleasure from being cruel to other people? You're a mean, fucked-up person and I feel sorry for you cos I never had to do that, and I hope you never do again"
About little stuff that I never really realised before.
Like...ever since year 8, there was a little group of people who were always teasing me when I happened to walk past, always making jokes, saying mean stuff in a 'joking' manner and I suppose they always thought because they were 'joking' it didn't really matter. Just stuff like "oooh alice, have you got enough text books there?" or "have you done all your homework yet?" or "are you going to the library again to be friends with all the books?" and other stuff like that, stuff about never having a boyfriend etc.
They weren't mean people. In fact, they were nice to lots of other people but they were unkind to some people too.
I never really thought about that til now, but when I think about it, that actually upset me quite alot. There were a few of them at clunes so I spent lots of time in my house. I know they didn't think I was stupid or naive, cos when I one time had to work on a group project with one of them and was late to school one morning cos I was getting orthodontics, they sent an email to me "you better get there, the whole presentation will be useless unless you get here to lead it, you're the only one that knows whats going on"
Because they were always joking, I supposed that I shouldn't get upset about it. After all, they were only joking.
...but then today I got thinking, what was the point of them doing that? What were they getting out of? Maybe they got to laugh, but it wasn't really beneficial in anyway and it really wasn't that funny...I'm a nerd and always have been and one of those akward teenagery people who didn't always have many friends but I never denied it and neither did anybody else, so why make jokes about it? Nobody else laughed. I didn't laugh. I just felt humiliated and kept going on my way. All the way up until year 12 it kept happening and I kept thinking it was ok, cos they were just joking.
Today I had this vivd daydream that at a 5 year reunion, the same thing would happen, even when we were all grown up.
This is what I would like to say to them:
"What are you doing this for? Is it making you feel better about yourself? Cos if it is you should feel terrible that you have to put others down to bring yourself up. Is it just a joke? Cos if it is its not very funny so whats your point? Don't you think that its a little immature that you get some pleasure from being cruel to other people? You're a mean, fucked-up person and I feel sorry for you cos I never had to do that, and I hope you never do again"