[ CLOSED ] | “ wanna fight it out? ”

[mistercommunist]

[ Characters ] mistercommunist and isajellydonut; [CLOSED]
[ Location ] Stupid Commie-Capitalist Neighbors, Jamorrow
[ Date/Time ] During the Card Event! 
[ Warning ] COLD WAR.
[ Content ] Stupidity, among other things! Russia and America have that one episode where the arch-rivals team up for epic badassery!! And then fight each other!!! This requires so many

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[isajellydonut]

[You know those days where you now you're dreaming (how could it be anything else when it's that awesome?) and you can't wake up (why would you want to) and your house is built in the most awesome way possible so that you can spy on check up on your neighbor from time to time without having to see him every time you turn around and you had a kickass breakfast of some awesome cereal and orange juice this morning because that is how you roll, and then suddenly there is a knock on your door.

And of course it's an adorning fan. An adoring fan who is screaming]

GET UP! YOU'RE UNDER ARREST FOR INCITING A PUBLIC RIOT.

[...Oh, you mean your mornings aren't that awesome? You must be communist.]

[mistercommunist]

[Russia, opening his door so it hits the card soldier on its OPENING PATH OF DESTRUCTION, leans out and shouts over to America's house.]

You are thinking this is funny? Could have waited until after breakfast to send your ridiculous jokes!

[isajellydonut]

[America, being a little busy, replies loudly to Russia,]

I'M A LITTLE BUSY, CAN YOU CALL AT A BETTER TIME?

[Then goes back to this card-soldier-thing that is harassing him.]

You know, I'm the United States of America. I'm the hero that whole yelling out the window thing, that was Russia. He's a communist.

[mistercommunist]

[Russia, being Russia, gives the card a solid kick to the middle before he's managed to fully recover from the door slam.]

Ha! America is starting it!

[isajellydonut]

[Suddenly the card soldier is touching him what even you can't do this to America!

He punches it.

For justice.]

[mistercommunist]

[Russia has no such concept of Justice, so he's just trying to land a punch on his own soldier, which is now waving a lance in his general direction oh no what is this the 1800s? So last century.

He starts cursing (loudly) while digging in his coat for the empty vodka flask and trying to avoid being lanced at the same time.]

This is your fault! Filthy Capitalist!

[isajellydonut]

It's not my fault! Anyway - shut up - I'm busy, aren't you listening?

[Oh Jesus Christmas they have lances why doesn't he get a gun? This is so unfair.

Wait. No. America still has democracy on his side. And the ability to make stupid comments at Russia.]

Getting drunk in the middle of the fight, now, commie?

[Also moving over to be standing next to Russia. Slowly, but surely. Mostly unintentional.

No wait, mostly to keep insulting him.]

No wonder you're so bad at it.

[mistercommunist]

[Side steps to a avoid a swing and runs straight into America, but pulls out the empty flask triumphant at last!!]

Get out of way, fat Capitalist self is obstructing glory of Soviet Union!

[isajellydonut]

[Just. Laughs. I mean, after being run into by a communist land whale. BECAUSE WHAT EVEN AHAHAHAHAH GLORY.]

ahaha "Glory of the Soviet Union" that's a real knee slapper, Russia.

[mistercommunist]

[HERE, HAVE A FAMILIAR LOOKING PIPE SUDDENLY POINTING AT YOU.]

Would America like his knees slapped out from under him~?

[isajellydonut]

[George Washington! Where did that come from!? America jumps a bit, and in an entirely unmanly way his hand jumps to Washington D.C., brushing that awfully nice lapel pin.

And because uh, whoops, it falls a bit off the back and he catches it jusssssst in the nick of time.]

Don't you see we ---

[....well, that Colt Dragoon Revolver wasn't there before. Huh.]

[mistercommunist]

[Thwacking the Card Soldier firmly on the head, with a satisfying clank.]

Foolish America needs a gun to defeat one foolish little card man with funny outdated weapons.