Drink up baby, stay up all night.

[croquetclub]

Oh jeeze. So things were going fine. Sean is a sweetheart and he's driving two hours just to come and hang out with me and I am so happy. I am developing quite the crush on him and he says things that make me melt. Not in the artificial way that guys have talked to me in the past. He says I'm beautiful and he loves to hold my hand and I even taste good when I probably shouldn't. We kissed in alley ways and he didn't let my hand go once. But knowing my life, something had to come and crash down on me. Dustin used the god damn 'L' word. The love thing is just raping me this year. God damnit. It feels so incredibly good to hear someone say that they love me and want me and long for me. I can't even explain how wonderful it is. He is pretending like my flaws don't exist, even though he knows them better than any person ever has or will. He said, "What you are, I love." So what vain part of me is turning this away? Why don't I feel as strongly as him? Why can't I long to be with someone who longs for me just the same? Instead I will eternally chase after the ones that just can't want me. I'll hang off the coat tails of the addicts and the concieted and the shy and the confused until I finally fine the one who complements me just perfectly.
Until then...I'll just let fate decide who I am going to be with. It could be worse. I could have no one.