How Hot is it?
HOT !.. HOT ! HOT !
oh hell.. is it time to get out of here yet?.. It's hot.. and humid.. and the whole midwest populace is just cranky. (including myself) Heat does that to a spirit. AC helps of course, until one opens the door to the outside, then it's a nice windy blast in the face of wet, hot air ( Read more... )
oh hell.. is it time to get out of here yet?.. It's hot.. and humid.. and the whole midwest populace is just cranky. (including myself) Heat does that to a spirit. AC helps of course, until one opens the door to the outside, then it's a nice windy blast in the face of wet, hot air ( Read more... )
My first thought upon reading what you wrote, is that always there is such a big danger in giving someone else ANY kind of advice.. (you know the old saying about advice being-worth-what-you pay-for it.) because advice is always a projection that is based upon the advisor's own experiences, the likes and dislikes of individuality, and current situations, many of which are totally unreconcilable. The disconnect and lack of real understanding can be enormous. Especially so between my 60 year old self and your teenage self, that generational disconnect may well be not even on the same planet. Everything is different now in 2005, then when I was a teenager in the late 50s and early 60s. Still, after all of that, we human beings do have some shared similarities regardless of everything else.
Anyway, I am willing to at least try to help where I can. If you want all this to be private you can email me at: bbouslaugh at yahoo.com
If you want the possibility of other free-advice-givers of our CrookedPath journal readers (most of whom are in their 50's and above.. in other words: lots of varied experiences who MAY also offer their advice), then post your dilemma here for all of us to read (along with your email if you want to.. because very few of them will reply publicly.)
bill..
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To begin, I'll state this: I made a post last night on the issue, and got a bit of help there which I appreciate. I also collected my thoughts a bit through the age-old wonder of sleep.
And a note for you: Awhile back I determined exactly what it was I was waiting for; somewhere I belonged. I haven't felt entirely right anywhere in life, and I've been waiting to feel like I was supposed to be somewhere.
I'll skip the details and start with this; I met a girl. Before any conclusions are jumped to, I'm still not sure if I would want to pursue a relationship(I'm taking my time here). My problem's arising from the fact that when I'm with her, as when she's sitting next to me or she has her head on my shoulder, I feel like that that is exactly where I'm supposed to be. It's where I belong. As a result, I've been asking myself if she's what I've been waiting for.
For some reason I can't determine, I'm not letting myself let that be known. For the moment, I'm fine with that. This could entirely be infatuation and could blow over sometime next week, so I don't want to pursue something without knowing it will last(I might be being too hesitant here).
She and I have mutual friends, that's how we met. Specifically, Scott. I've known Scott since I was a little kid, he's one of my closest friends. So when I was unable to inform him of my feelings on this situation the other night, and basically saying that I don't care what happens, I surprised myself. What's worse is that I know he talks to her, and I've reason to believe what I say to him with regards to her is probably brought up. I'm afraid I might be sending a wrong message, and ruining any chance I have before I'm even sure if I should pursue it.
I know it probably sounds like a trivial problem, but for some reason I can't be direct or honest with one of my closest friends about her, even though I want to be. If I know why that is, I can at least attempt to fix it, so that I won't force myself to do something I subconsciously don't want to do. If you can follow me on that line of thought, I'll be amazed.
Any advice on what to do in this situation would be appreciated.
-Zac
true_idler at hotmail.com for those private reply types.
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MORE LATER.....
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Pioneer Princess aka Ma Kettle here weighing in, from the woman's point of view. Admittedly a much older, but hopefully wise, one.
I don't know anything about you, except that I believe that you are around high school age. But in reading your two posts to Bill, here's what I've deduced. You are incredibly articulate. Your grammar and spelling are perfect. What's this got to do with the issue at hand? Plenty. I'm guessing you are a very bright guy and you spend lots of time rummaging around in left brain territory. Now this woman thing is more right brain stuff--feelings, emotions, etc. Poor left brain tries to puzzle it all out like you're accustomed to doing, but it's not built for this kind of "problem".
Yes, maybe it's infatuation; or maybe she's destined to be the love of your life. You can't possibly know that at this point, so don't dwell on the question at all. ..."so I don't want to pursue something without knowing it will last(I might be being too hesitant here)." Correct, way too hesitant.
You MUST be willing to take risks in life, love, food, friends, career, everything. If you must know how something is going to turn out, that pretty much eliminates all risk and thus, much potential reward as well as valuable life lessons.
And, again from the female point of view, I can pretty much guarantee that if this woman has any mushy feelings at all for you, she's every bit as unsure of herself as you are. And I can also guarantee she's already discussed it with at least six of her girlfriends. Maybe eight. Accept it, that's just what women do.
As for your friend Scott, you can be selective in what you confide; just assume it will get back to her. But it doesn't matter. It's part of the whole crazy love dance we all so long to do, including all the crying when we trip and fall all over our clumsy selves.
Finally, when you find yourself over-intellectualizing things, step back, take some deep breaths, and let your right brain do what it must. You know that annoying Barbra Streisand song...F E E L I N G S, oh oh oh oh. Yeah, that's what it's all about here.
That's my two cents worth, and I'll bet it's worth at least half that amount.
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Hi Ma Kettle and Bill... this is the Burke VA. Theresa. I don't check email often due to constant email during work hours however I am here now. Thanks for keeping us a part of you journey.
Patricia / Zac, what a beautiful way of stating that male/female dance. Patricia, I agree with you completely, then I am female, smile.
The only advice (well not the only advice) I gave my daughter as she began to question relationships with folk that were not family is that when you get older these same situations will come up again, and again. So what you are experiencing now is only practice and as Bill said most of us are 50's+ and (my statement) most are still practicing.
Try putting your shoes on opposite than you normally do, if you put the right on first, then change and put the left on first. Use your opposite hand when combing your hair or putting on your belt. It will feel awkward (and you may begin to question, why am I doing this; the answer, just because) and it may take a bit more time and focus and even if you are not good at it and it doesn’t turn out right the world will not come to an end, you may even be able to laugh at your self. This is what learning / experiencing life is like, new things feel awkward (and you may question) and may not turn out right or the way you desire but at least you tried (this is the just because) and now you can move on to the next experience. Thank God or whom ever you honor for the next experience and the next opportunity to laugh at yourself, by yourself or with others.
Now if you guys can understand my rambling I will be amazed. Peace!
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Nothing back from Zac yet, but I suspect he's taking it all in.
Hmmm. now which shoe do I usually put on first?
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The greatest thing is just to love and be loved in return..
hi Zac.. sorry about the delay in my response to you.. finding chunks of computer time for myself is difficult here on the farm...
Upon reading of your conflict at hand, admittedly I did have to smile a bit.. (and was relieved that it wasn't something more terrible whereas I, or anyone else have no business dishing out advice on. ) But the problem you are faced with is so absolutely universal in nature, that I, or anyone and everyone for that matter, have no problem with shoveling out our advice, on these oh so weighty matters of love. Afterall, this is human being stuff that we ALL come face to face with, each and every one of us, once we begin to notice the difference between ourselves and the opposite sex. It all can be wondrous.. It can be totally terrifying. Sometimes both emotions at the same time. ..a real roller-coaster at times.
As one goes thru life.. and (as so often happens), different "dancing partners", the initial apprehension when "boy-meets-girl" is always the same no matter how old or experienced one becomes. It is totally spooky and absolutely fearful when our eyes begin to sparkle. But still, like a moth-to-flame we long to flutter closer and closer.
When the moon hits yer eye, like a big pizza pie... that's amore', that's amore!'"
This universal desire to move-forward.. to connect with one's opposite and to feel the feeling of "wholeness" (or feelings of "Home" as you so accurately put it) really is what Life is all about. We are unbalanced spiritual Beings in space thrown into a Universal Mix that ever seeks to balance Itself. Without the imbalance-struggling-for-balance our lives would become terribly boring. Actually, we would cease even to exist.. (but that's another story)
So.. to your question at hand. Here's my 2-cents of advice to you...
Be bold, brave rabbit!
I know.. I know.. that's easier said than done. Still.. at some point you have to stop using your buddy Scott as your go-between, because you are right.. he could indeed be conveying the wrong message to her and you don't have forever here. (Now if ole Scotty has his own pressing-to-the-hoop interests in this chick then you need to careful.. life-long guy friends are also very important to keep around.) but if not, then inch your way forward. For better or for worse, one of you has to "guts up" first. If young lassie is receptive, she'll let ya know in a variety of ways, as the ladies are adept at doing. (but she may not be.. prepare yourself for that possibility ). Just stop using Scott as your ghost-writer and proxy. That only works for a short while ... and start your own practice in setting a new pattern within yourself, in your relationship to women.
"rolling the dice" and letting the chips fall where they will, can serve you well not only in matters of the heart but also in many other areas of your life as well. Expect receiving some "black eyes" and "bloody noses" and seemingly unrelenting failure. It is all kind of like sticking nickles into a slot machine, most of the time you will "miss" (don't take it personal), but sometimes (OH Glory!) you will hit the Jackpot and a 3-point Hail Mary swish at the buzzer.
It's those times, infrequent as they are for us little bunnies, that Life is all about.
good luck to ya, buddy.. :-)bill
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On that note here is a copy-n-paste edition (found it in my email) of Zac's original comment made to me yesterday:
"Hey, Old Man Bill.
With luck, you'll remember me. I'm not sure, so I won't do your anonymous bit there, I'll fix it if it's violating some rule of yours. Just let me know.
Anyhow. Back when I was still posting, you always seemed to have an answer for a problem I couldn't handle myself. And you told me that some day, the thing I was waiting for would hit me and I would know exactly what it was.
Well, it's hit me. And it's becoming a problem I can't handle. Well, not it, but events surrounding it combined with my inexperience. If it's not too much trouble, I'd like to know if you could lend me a helping hand on this one. My head's all over the place right now and I'm having a hard enough time trying to put it back together.
If you can't that's fine, please just let me know.
-Zac"
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