Mother's Day thoughts
My mom and I haven't always had the best relationship. Not that she didn't love me, but while I was growing up she tried to instill a sense of empathy in me. She did this by always asking me what my part was in any conflict/issue that came up.
While that's a noble cause and certainly has given me the ability to see things from the the other person's side, I grew up feeling that my mom was never on my side and that she thought everything was always my fault.
This is something that came to a head when I pretty much blew up at her after I had my miscarriage and when I was trying to recover from that.
But the really good thing about that blow-up is that, since then, my Mom and I have gotten a lot closer. She really listened to what I needed and has made every effort to give it to me. And I really listened to why she acted the way I did when I was growing up and understanding that she did it out of love and a desire to help me become a better person. I definitely appreciate the fact that I can empathize and I can think outside of my own P.O.V. when having issues, but I still believe everyone should feel that their mom is always in their corner.
Anyway, we have become a lot closer and even more so since I got pregnant. She has been so supportive and she was there for Isabelle's birth, which was amazing. She was so happy to be there and it's been great to hear her experience with how it was when she was pregnant and when we were small.
It's also been amazing to hear how she used to just stare at me in awe and other things she did for me that I do for Isabelle and having her here for this time has just underlined for me how much she has always loved me and that's lovely.
My mom's also told me a few times that she thinks I'm doing a good job with Isabelle and that's great to hear from her.
Oh, and she's also been so proud of me in other areas, including my costuming. I know comic books and superheroes aren't her thing, but she had so much fun at the Superman Celebration last year and told everyone who would listen afterward that I had the best Black Canary costume. (even though she didn't know who the BC was before I explained it. lol)
So it's nice to know that she's proud of me after having so many years of feeling like I wasn't ever good enough.
as for me... being a mom is amazing. It's incredible to walk in the room and see Isabelle's face light up when she sees me. and when she's fussing and I start singing (badly, mind you) and she just stops and stares at me in awe, like she's never heard anything better than my singing.
Words just can not express how wonderful it feels to have her fall asleep on me, or when I can get her to giggle, or when she just snuggles right into me. I'm really not describing it well but that's because it defies description. (and I'm on my 2nd glass of wine, since it was a pretty rough day)