(no subject)
i had the strangest dream the other night. but i'm not sure i want to write it down here, because i woke up and was pretty upset. its kind of petty and stupid, because the dream shouldn't have been a really emotional one, but it was. i guess just when you believe someone is looking you in the eye and telling you how they really feel is difficult in any situation. i also woke up and i couldn't move for a few minutes, which really scared me.
i just haven't been feeling like myself lately... whatever "myself" is. i have also been listening to a lot of music that isn't making me feel too good, AND dealing with personal issues in my work which have brought a lot of things to the surface that i didn't expect would happen. i just get this feeling that i'm like... hollow inside maybe. i mean my stomach will physically hurt i feel so ___ sometimes. i don't know what the feeling is. its like, sadness and just emptiness. i just hate that word because its so dramatic and everyone i've ever known that has told me that they're empty inside was just looking for attention. maybe thats what i'm looking for? i don't know. i try to fight it. i fight it every day, but sometimes i can't even get out of bed in the morning i'm so exhausted (physically and emotionally).
my grades are slipping. its too bad because i really like my classes. just two of them i have a really hard time going to because they're in the morning. my mom tells me that i'm lazy, but i can't get out of bed. maybe i am lazy and i'm just disguising it as a bigger problem?
however, i think that is also a problem of mine. i believe that my problems aren't as important so i don't talk about them. i am almost at the point where i don't really feel much anymore, and i feel like one day its all just going to come out and i'm either going to crack or rise above it all.
i guess we'll see which is which.
i just haven't been feeling like myself lately... whatever "myself" is. i have also been listening to a lot of music that isn't making me feel too good, AND dealing with personal issues in my work which have brought a lot of things to the surface that i didn't expect would happen. i just get this feeling that i'm like... hollow inside maybe. i mean my stomach will physically hurt i feel so ___ sometimes. i don't know what the feeling is. its like, sadness and just emptiness. i just hate that word because its so dramatic and everyone i've ever known that has told me that they're empty inside was just looking for attention. maybe thats what i'm looking for? i don't know. i try to fight it. i fight it every day, but sometimes i can't even get out of bed in the morning i'm so exhausted (physically and emotionally).
my grades are slipping. its too bad because i really like my classes. just two of them i have a really hard time going to because they're in the morning. my mom tells me that i'm lazy, but i can't get out of bed. maybe i am lazy and i'm just disguising it as a bigger problem?
however, i think that is also a problem of mine. i believe that my problems aren't as important so i don't talk about them. i am almost at the point where i don't really feel much anymore, and i feel like one day its all just going to come out and i'm either going to crack or rise above it all.
i guess we'll see which is which.