disturbing advice..
Below is a Dear Margo letter with response that I found particularly disturbing.
DEAR MARGO: I was checking out my 12-year-old daughter's MySpace (she knows I do this as a condition of her having it) and found my 14-year-old niece's MySpace (that my brother and sister-in-law do not know she has), where she alluded to having a "relationship" with a lesbian friend. The last time we spoke, my sister-in-law said she was wary of this girl, so I don't know whether I should tell her what I found. They live several states away, and we only see each other a few times a year. Their daughter is a good kid, and I don't want to cause problems, especially if my niece learns how her parents found out.
If it were my daughter, I'd want to know so I could at least talk to her about it. This kid is barely 14 years old.
--- WAVERING AUNTIE
DEAR WAVE: I suggest you say nothing. Assuming the "relationship" is sexual (and it may not be), the youngster is experimenting and should be allowed to do so without parental input -- which would not change the outcome, by the way.
It's not as though your niece is robbing banks and popping Quaaludes, dangerous behavior requiring intervention. She is figuring out her sexuality, and parents trying to steer a child away from a natural inclination are not going to be successful.
When next you talk to your s-i-l, you might ask what she dislikes about this friend, since she told you she is wary of her. If there are complaints about the girl that are valid, they should be the reason to put the kibosh on the friendship, not that she is a lesbian.
--- MARGO, JUDICIOUSLY
Why do I find this disturbing? Not because a 14 year old thinks is in some sort of relationship with a lesbian (which for all we know is just heresay AND it could be strictly platonic). Nor am I upset by the fact that a 14 year old is figuring out who she is. My disturbance starts AND ends with the response to let her be. First off, 14 years old is far too young to get into any kind of sexual relationship. If she was talking about having sex with a boy, would this person still give the advice to let her keep doing it? That, my friends, is disturbing. SHE IS 14.. let her talk about it. Let her family talk to her about it, but to say it is OK for a 14 year old to possibly having a sexual relationship (with a girl OR a guy) is just insane and not very good advice!!!
DEAR MARGO: I was checking out my 12-year-old daughter's MySpace (she knows I do this as a condition of her having it) and found my 14-year-old niece's MySpace (that my brother and sister-in-law do not know she has), where she alluded to having a "relationship" with a lesbian friend. The last time we spoke, my sister-in-law said she was wary of this girl, so I don't know whether I should tell her what I found. They live several states away, and we only see each other a few times a year. Their daughter is a good kid, and I don't want to cause problems, especially if my niece learns how her parents found out.
If it were my daughter, I'd want to know so I could at least talk to her about it. This kid is barely 14 years old.
--- WAVERING AUNTIE
DEAR WAVE: I suggest you say nothing. Assuming the "relationship" is sexual (and it may not be), the youngster is experimenting and should be allowed to do so without parental input -- which would not change the outcome, by the way.
It's not as though your niece is robbing banks and popping Quaaludes, dangerous behavior requiring intervention. She is figuring out her sexuality, and parents trying to steer a child away from a natural inclination are not going to be successful.
When next you talk to your s-i-l, you might ask what she dislikes about this friend, since she told you she is wary of her. If there are complaints about the girl that are valid, they should be the reason to put the kibosh on the friendship, not that she is a lesbian.
--- MARGO, JUDICIOUSLY
Why do I find this disturbing? Not because a 14 year old thinks is in some sort of relationship with a lesbian (which for all we know is just heresay AND it could be strictly platonic). Nor am I upset by the fact that a 14 year old is figuring out who she is. My disturbance starts AND ends with the response to let her be. First off, 14 years old is far too young to get into any kind of sexual relationship. If she was talking about having sex with a boy, would this person still give the advice to let her keep doing it? That, my friends, is disturbing. SHE IS 14.. let her talk about it. Let her family talk to her about it, but to say it is OK for a 14 year old to possibly having a sexual relationship (with a girl OR a guy) is just insane and not very good advice!!!