Put your name on the line, along with place and time
It was quite incorrect of me to think college would be any different socially. I’m never going to be someone that people enjoy talking to, or are interested in getting to know. I’ve made one sort of friend within these past two weeks, meanwhile everyone else is having dinner together and talking like they’ve known each other for ages. I thought everyone would have my sort of attitude here, or be more accepting, but they’re not. They are the same people I went to high school with, the same people that said hi to me that first day and then never took a second glance. They’re the people who are bubbly and happy, the people who don’t get my humor and the people who judge me based on how I dress. The Resident Director even seems like she doesn’t think I’m good enough to be here.
So here I am drinking my tea, waiting for people I love to call me so I can feel like there’s someone in the world that understands. I don’t know why this sort of stuff always ends up being so difficult for me. My predictions were correct when I thought I would end up secluding myself. Or maybe it’s not me actually secluding myself. Maybe it’s the familiarness of the situation and me doing what I would do naturally while they do what they would do naturally. Maybe my personality is too different, maybe silence becomes too intense and too uncomfortable when I’m in the room because I can’t find a thing to say to them. Maybe it’s that they won’t bother to say much to me. Maybe I’m too busy worrying about them not liking me when they might actually think I’m interesting.
But I really doubt it.
I’m stupidly looking for people who will appreciate my thoughts, give me some encouragement, make me feel like I really have a talent. Unfortunately, I am surrounded by people who most likely believe that they are the best at what they do, or what they are here to study. Meanwhile I sit up here in my room thinking that I am probably the worst artist to ever hit this school. Everyone seems to have confidence except for me.
I need to hear from Zac, and mum, Kris, and Kymm.
I need to see Ashley and have some good chit chat.
I need something more before I self-destruct.
So here I am drinking my tea, waiting for people I love to call me so I can feel like there’s someone in the world that understands. I don’t know why this sort of stuff always ends up being so difficult for me. My predictions were correct when I thought I would end up secluding myself. Or maybe it’s not me actually secluding myself. Maybe it’s the familiarness of the situation and me doing what I would do naturally while they do what they would do naturally. Maybe my personality is too different, maybe silence becomes too intense and too uncomfortable when I’m in the room because I can’t find a thing to say to them. Maybe it’s that they won’t bother to say much to me. Maybe I’m too busy worrying about them not liking me when they might actually think I’m interesting.
But I really doubt it.
I’m stupidly looking for people who will appreciate my thoughts, give me some encouragement, make me feel like I really have a talent. Unfortunately, I am surrounded by people who most likely believe that they are the best at what they do, or what they are here to study. Meanwhile I sit up here in my room thinking that I am probably the worst artist to ever hit this school. Everyone seems to have confidence except for me.
I need to hear from Zac, and mum, Kris, and Kymm.
I need to see Ashley and have some good chit chat.
I need something more before I self-destruct.