growing up
Wow. Ok, so I started this journal. What an idea. A place where you can be yourself because nobody knows you? Hmm. Too bad we can't really be ourselves with those who know us.
I used to think that being married was having a husband who knew me and adored me. Someone who respected me and thought I was just the answer to his prayers. Now I am realizing that sometimes it's about just learning to be myself despite what my husband thinks of me. Despite what he says or does. Learning to somehow find my way on my own and try to take what he says as just input to run by my own filters on life.
I am me. Part of growing up is learning that no one else's opinion decides whether that is a worthwhile thing.
Sometimes I think about dying, and noone thinking that my life was worthwhile. My kids seem to side with my husband in arguments. I know that is because they know he controls our money for the most part, but it still hurts. Stupid how I can know that and still let it bug me.
better go to bed. Tired, sad and lonely tonight. I am proud that I know not to take it all to heart, but so sad that there isn't more positive to take in...
I used to think that being married was having a husband who knew me and adored me. Someone who respected me and thought I was just the answer to his prayers. Now I am realizing that sometimes it's about just learning to be myself despite what my husband thinks of me. Despite what he says or does. Learning to somehow find my way on my own and try to take what he says as just input to run by my own filters on life.
I am me. Part of growing up is learning that no one else's opinion decides whether that is a worthwhile thing.
Sometimes I think about dying, and noone thinking that my life was worthwhile. My kids seem to side with my husband in arguments. I know that is because they know he controls our money for the most part, but it still hurts. Stupid how I can know that and still let it bug me.
better go to bed. Tired, sad and lonely tonight. I am proud that I know not to take it all to heart, but so sad that there isn't more positive to take in...