it doesn't matter what you say (for jesstoast)
For: jesstoast
From: birthdaykill
Title: it doesn't matter what you say (i'm gonna be here anyway)
Rating: PG
Length: 7467 words
Summary: Joonmyun’s new assistant is very forward. But there’s something he seems to be hiding, too, and Joonmyun can’t help but wonder what secrets Jongdae’s been keeping.
Notes: Many thanks to A for editing this for me. I love the parts of our voice calls where we only hear each other typing furiously into our respective word documents. And when you play your music so loudly that I don’t have to play mine and we can enjoy the same music while writing together HAHA yay you I wouldn’t have the confidence to finish this if it weren’t for you. Really. Thank you.
Joonmyun has never expected much from life.
He graduates from SNU’s International Relations program in less than four years before he turns 24, and one day before he does, his father tells him that he’s going to have to start learning to take over the family business, preferably before he turns 30. Joonmyun only agrees because that seems like the right thing to do. He’s smart, hardworking and is quite the looker, too, if he were to say so himself. It’s just that he doesn’t really have a direction in life; he isn’t sure of which path to take, and since his father’s offering, he’s not going to be a fool and say no. Two months later sees him being uprooted from his little apartment his parents have rented for him in Apgujeong, and into a much more luxurious apartment complex in Canal Walk, right at the edge of Songdo, Incheon.
There’s one thing that people should understand, and it’s that Joonmyun did not grow up surrounded by riches and gold. He’s witnessed his father slaving for others and working his way to the top, before breaking off with the rogue company and starting up his own. Their family of four had eventually moved out of the little rented villa apartment, and straight into an apartment in the Gangnam district. Joonmyun had moved out when he entered college but right now, after living 26 years of his life under someone else’s roof, here he is, in his own spacious, luxurious apartment surrounded by a man-made canal right outside his floor-to-ceiling windows, accompanied by clean white furniture with modern grey walls. The light pitter-patter of his Scottish Straight’s feet against the wooden floorboards go alongside his own.
On the occasional Saturday business party his father holds, people walk up to him and pat him on his shoulder, telling him that he’s so lucky, and that he has everything. Joonmyun smiles and thanks them, but not really, he thinks. He doesn’t really have everything.
✿✿✿
Joonmyun’s new assistant greets him with a bright neon pink post-it beside a glass of iced Americano, placed atop an equally pink coaster. A stainless steel straw is in place of his usual disposable plastic one, but he shrugs and places it in the glass to get his first sip of coffee anyway. He picks up the pink slip of paper:
Hi boss! I’m Kim Jongdae, your new assistant. Here is your daily cup of iced Americano. I hope you don’t mind that I’ve replaced your usual straws with this new one. It’s reusable and eco-friendly! I have gone down to the second floor to get the red folder from a certain Kris, as Baekhyun at the front desk had instructed me me to do. I will be back in five.
Kim Jongdae
Joonmyun squints at the paper as he continues sucking on the cold metal straw, and then flicks his wrist downwards to look at the hands of his watch. 9 a.m.. Anything involving a red file does not jog his memory. He doesn’t recall ever instructing Baekhyun-- oh that asshole. He presses down on the intercom button that connects to the front desk, and he barely hears Baekhyun’s voice greeting him over the speaker before it turns into rough shout and then a yelp. Joonmyun jumps and releases the button, and he’s out of his chair before his office door bursts open.
Before him stands a man barely taller than him, his blazer unbuttoned and light-blue tie slightly askew. It seems like whatever trouble he’s gotten into had left his neatly coiffed hair out of it. Schooling his face into one of impassiveness, Joonmyun asks, “I see you’ve met my receptionist?”
The corners of the man’s lips lift into a smile and he pushes a hand through his hair as he extends the other out to Joonmyun. “Kim Jongdae. They did not say that Kim Joonmyun looked this handsome. I thought that I was going to be working for a 40 year old man!”
Joonmyun lifts an eyebrow and bites back a smile, still very much determined to play the role of a tough boss. “So are you saying that my name makes me sound like a 40 year old man?”
“Well, I guess you would still be a very good-looking one.” Jongdae winks and sits himself down on the chair opposite Joonmyun’s desk. “What’s the agenda for today? Or maybe you could just run me through how things work over here and then I can start. Officially. Oh, you might also need a new receptionist.” Joonmyun makes his way back to the chair behind his desk, and shakes the mouse to wake the monitor, completely aware of how Jongdae is staring at him very intently.
“You truly have one of the most exquisite faces,” Jongdae says. And Joonmyun is a grown man, he will not blush like a teenager. Joonmyun prints out a copy of his schedule for the day and slides it across the table to Jongdae, together with the company-issued notebook and desk organiser.
“All these happen today.” Joonmyun gestures to the piece of paper. “You can access your email using the given password and you’ll be able to update my schedule whenever a new one comes up. And these organisers... I’m sure you know what to do with them?”
Jongdae purses his lips as he studies the day’s schedules and flips through the empty organiser. “All right then. And about your receptionist, Baekhyun? He said that you gave me instructions to get a red folder from a Kris. I couldn’t even get past his receptionist. She just raised her brows at me and threatened to send security after me when I insisted that I meet Kris.” Joonmyun risks a look sideways from his computer and confirms that Jongdae has indeed been saying all that with a pout on his face. “I came back up and there Baekhyun was with this look on his face. So I went behind the front desk and pulled his chair out from under him,” Jongdae finishes with a shrug of his shoulder.
Joonmyun finds himself smiling. Not everyone has the guts to deal with Baekhyun’s shenanigans so directly. “I’ll deal with him later. But for now you can start working on helping me with settling our account with this client who’s trying to market blueberry flavoured coffee,” he says. “They need all the help they can get.” Jongdae sticks his tongue out in a “uck!” and then gives Joonmyun a salute as he exits the office, a musky sandalwood scent lingering in his wake.
✿✿✿
Jongdae is a fresh college graduate. Joonmyun had looked through resumé after resumé and Jongdae’s had finally caught his eye. It is rather unusual for a 23 year old to have completed college and have this much work experience, ranging from part-timing at a local fast-food chain to dog-sitting and baby-sitting. Most of it is rather irrelevant to what the job opening actually requires. But this is exactly what Joonmyun needs - a pair of fresh eyes and an unjaded mind.
✿✿✿
Joonmyun thinks Jongdae got through the first week well enough. They secured four accounts with two major companies and Joonmyun has to admit that he could not have done all of that if not for Jongdae’s help and support. He works hard, as Joonmyun observes from the glass panel that provides him direct sight over Jongdae’s shoulder and to his computer screen. He’s never found Jongdae on a site that he’s not supposed to be at, his open tabs and windows are always only those related to work and Joonmyun has never had a personal assistant who did not at least open the pre-installed solitaire application for a bit of off-time.
Jongdae is also crazily punctual. They both start work at 9 but while Joonmyun usually just reaches the company at 8, Jongdae arrives 20 minutes early to check Joonmyun’s agenda and get started on two espresso shots for Joonmyun’s iced Americano. It is everyday without fail that he knocks on Joonmyun’s office door, greets him a good morning and leaves the coffee ice cold on a pink coaster beside Joonmyun’s computer. Joonmyun would send a smile Jongdae’s way as he leaves for his own desk situated right outside Joonmyun’s office.
Joonmyun realises by the second week that considering the number of times in a day that Jongdae has to come into Joonmyun’s office to clear things up and work together with him, it would be much more convenient if Jongdae’s desk was right here in his office. It is big enough anyway, and Joonmyun thinks that Jongdae’s presence would provide some sort of company, even if they worked in silence most of the time.
He soon realises that he’s wrong, though. Jongdae is much more of a distraction now that they work in such close quarters, even though Joonmyun’s office alone takes up nearly half of the floor’s layout. Jongdae writes notes on post-its which he sticks all over the office. Little reminders to tell Joonmyun to “smile!” or to “brush your teeth after lunch, meeting with client @ 2!”. Joonmyun appreciates them all, to say the least. He keeps all the little stickers in a compartment in his second drawer. And he pretends to not notice Jongdae’s stares prickling the side of his neck whenever he’s bent over the desk going through the contract proposal for the twentieth time that day.
✿✿✿
“Do I really have to go down to the second floor?” Jongdae is whining again. He gave Joonmyun the stink-eye earlier when he’d reminded Jongdae to clean up his desk. As Joonmyun thinks about how much Jongdae’s age shows during times like these, Jongdae continues to run his mouth off about Kris and gigantic hands and brows and if he’s ever trimmed them. Joonmyun shoots Jongdae a look that successfully shuts him up, at which he pouts and then grabs a file off the table before stomping off to the office door, yelling at Baekhyun to “shut up!” before he’s even said anything. Joonmyun laughs breathily as he sits back in his swivel chair and stretches, closing his eyes and placing his hands behind his head. Jongdae is such a breath of fresh air.
✿✿✿
Jongdae is pouting again. Well, not pouting as much as furrowing his brows and banging angrily on his keyboard, Joonmyun notes. “Baekhyun was going to tell me about his date with Kris’s receptionist over lunch. And he’s treating! Do you know how important it is that he’s treating? Everything here is so expensive unless I settle for eating Kyochon chicken everyday...”
He’s cute. He’s so cute even when he’s whining like this. Joonmyun lets out a little cough as if to interrupt his own thoughts. “I’m sorry, it’s just that we’re so busy and this next account is worth too much. I can’t, we cannot afford to lose this account.” Joonmyun apologises. He feels the stress levels in him spiking even as he’s explaining the situation.
It seems like Jongdae’s sensed that something’s up. His features soften and he walks towards Joonmyun, picking up the empty glass sitting on a pink coaster. “I know, bossman. I’ll go grab lunch for the both of us and head back here fast.” He walks towards the office door, hand on the handle before he turns to face Joonmyun. “We’ll both work hard on this together. Believe in us, okay?” And then he leaves. Joonmyun nods to no one as he runs a hand through his hair, knowing he’s going to mess it up but not caring. He has work to do.
✿✿✿
There is one thing that Joonmyun notices: he’s been smiling a lot more ever since Jongdae’s stepped into his office as his personal assistant. He does not know how that could be, but it seems like Jongdae brings along a stream of light behind him and lights up the way as he goes about the day’s activities. The corner where he’s seated at his desk always seems to be significantly brighter than the rest of the room. And Joonmyun likes looking at that corner, likes looking at Jongdae as he works - the quirk of his lips when he’s thought of a particularly original idea, and that furrow in his brows when he’s so concentrated in his work. Joonmyun hopes that Jongdae’s concentration is enough for him to not notice that Joonmyun has been staring a little too much at him
Joonmyun is jolted out of his daze when Jongdae’s head snaps up. He’s looking at the digital clock hanging on the wall again. Joonmyun has realised that Jongdae does this whenever it nears 6 p.m., when Jongdae gets off work. He’s never thought much about it, since Jongdae works hard throughout the day without as much as a break to the pantry. And well, anyone would be eager to go home after a long, gruelling day at work.
Joonmyun glances at the clock. It reads 5:55 p.m. and as if on cue, after a few clicks on his mouse, Jongdae slides the keyboard holder back under the table and walks out of the office, coming back in with a glass of water, ice cubes clinking against each other. He looks really happy like always does right before he gets off work. And it’s not that he doesn’t seem happy when he’s working. Joonmyun simply feels like Jongdae smiles a little brighter whenever the numbers on the clock switch to read 6 p.m.
Just as he does everyday, Jongdae places the glass on the pink coaster and bows slightly at Joonmyun. Right after doing so, he takes a look at Joonmyun’s face and sighs a little. Now this is different. Joonmyun quirks an eyebrow up when Jongdae comes towards him behind the desk. He freezes completely when Jongdae gets closer and stands behind his swivel chair. His chair drops a few moments later and he kicks a foot into the side of his desk in surprise. Joonmyun spins his head around to glare at Jongdae. “Hey don’t look at me like that I was just doing you a favour! You were slouching and it must really be hurting your back. Also, it made you look even smaller than you already are. You’re the bossman! You’ve got to have the posture to look like one,” Jongdae says as he ruffles Joonmyun’s hair before making his way to the office doors again.
Joonmyun freezes once again at that affectionate gesture and he sputters. “I-I’m not small!! Stop messing with my hair and tell me before you do anything shocking like that again!” he yells at Jongdae’s cackling, retreating figure.
An hour after Jongdae’s left, Joonmyun frowns and looks at his reflection against the black glass walls, wriggling about in his chair. Okay, well. He really needs to work on his posture and that small adjustment Jongdae made to his chair had really helped with his back ache. Ugh, that brat, Joonmyun smiles fondly. He’s right.
✿✿✿
Jongdae is sitting on his desk again. Joonmyun’s desk, to be more precise. He’s kicking his legs back and forth, the usual pout on his face.
“You know you can’t make me get take out for you everyday, right? Please just come get lunch with me. Do you even get out of the chair to pee? Do you even leave the office?” Jongdae kicks at Joonmyun’s chair so it swivels to and fro.
Joonmyun knows better than to allow such proximity between them but selfishly lets himself indulge in the warmth provided by Jongdae’s presence. He feels a tug on his hand and looks up, which soon proves to be a huge mistake because Jongdae is being the very definition of “big brown eyes” and Joonmyun is weak. He relents and lets Jongdae pull him up but not before letting out a huge, exasperated sigh.
“Fine, but it’s my treat,” he says.
Jongdae glances at him sideways like he’s said something really stupid. “You know I would never pay, anyway.”
✿✿✿
Doctor Mittens is currently making himself comfortable in Joonmyun’s lap, the both of them lounging on the white leather couch while Joonmyun browses through this month’s Forbes Magazine on his iPad. Joonmyun pushes it aside after flipping through a few pages, opting to close his eyes and lean back into the couch as he runs the palm of his hand along Doctor Mitten’s neck and back. The cat purrs lowly and leans into Joonmyun’s touch as he hums softly to himself. The quiet in his apartment is settling, to say the least, after a hectic day at work.
Joonmyun thinks about Jongdae and the way he bats his eyelashes at him when he’s trying to wheedle out of going to Kris’s floor, about how Jongdae is so small but so strong. He’s so hardworking, Joonmyun thinks for the 10th time that day. He’d nearly missed lunch that day because he was so caught up with work and Joonmyun had been the one to knock him out his work frenzy, reminding him to “eat! or I’ll cut your paycheck”. Jongdae had narrowed his eyes at him and gone to the pantry to grab a bag of chips, opening it up and eating out of it while glaring at Joonmyun. “What? I’m eating!” He’d yelled when Joonmyun opened his mouth to complain.
Joonmyun smiles at that memory. He likes Jongdae, yes. He can’t get enough of him and selfishly hopes that Jongdae would stay for a while longer after office hours just so he could spend more time with him, even though Jongdae runs off straightaway, everyday.
It’s a scary thought, to want someone this much. Joonmyun’s brain and heart hold a long debate deciding if he should just ask Jongdae out. His heart wins, eventually. Jongdae’s a hard worker and quite honestly the best assistant Joonmyun’s ever had and he wouldn’t want to risk losing Jongdae if he fails. But of course, he would rather fail knowing he’s tried than not having attempted at all.
✿✿✿
Apparently ‘trying’ means doing it the next day.
Joonmyun hadn’t planned on doing it so soon. But Jongdae walks into Joonmyun’s office with a polka dotted bow tie and, instead of his usual ‘good morning’, scrunches his nose up at Joonmyun in greeting which also turns his eyes into crescents.
Joonmyun’s momentarily stunned and a rush of affection surges up and burns his chest. It could have looked completely ridiculous to someone like Baekhyun but Joonmyun just found it absolutely adorable, as he’s been finding most of Jongdae’s actions. All of them, really, if he were to be completely honest with himself. Today’s face scrunch and bow tie are basically add-ons to Jongdae’s cuteness scale. It gives Joonmyun the extra nudge to tell Jongdae and Joonmyun really, really hopes that what he’s about to do isn’t going to end up being a huge mistake.
Lunch break comes and goes. Jongdae bats his eyelashes at Joonmyun again, enticing him into lunch at one of the quaint sandwich places that Jongdae’s been dying to try out. Jongdae eats his sandwich deconstructed, removing the top bread slice and the food items in between before eating them bit by bit with a fork and knife. Joonmyun raises his brows, but that isn’t the weirdest thing he’s seen Jongdae do.
The tiny sandwich, as gourmet as it is, doesn’t curb Joonmyun’s hunger but it seems to work well enough for Jongdae, who seems to share the same stomach capacity as a mouse. The both of them walk back to the company building. Joonmyun trips over his own feet and Jongdae shoves at Joonmyun’s shoulder as he laughs. “You’re so embarrassing!”
Joonmyun would gladly do anything to hear Jongdae laugh like this everyday, even if it means tripping over his own feet all the time. He’s already fallen head first and knee-deep for Jongdae anyway.
✿✿✿
10 minutes to 6 p.m., as if on cue, Jongdae leaves his desk and goes to the pantry for the daily glass of iced water. Joonmyun follows him a few seconds later and corners Jongdae right in front of the espresso machine.
“Jongdae,” Joonmyun says.
Jongdae jumps and the ice tray in his hands drops back onto the counter.
“You surprised me! Are you gonna be a good bossman and get your water yourself?” Jongdae grins, his eyelashes fluttering, the lilt at the corner of his lips teasing.
“No, I was just-- “ Joonmyun drops his head and his shoulders droop. He doesn’t know how to do this. He’s never been the one to make the first move. And Jongdae is so special.
Jongdae’s expression has fallen into one of concern, and he takes a step forward into Joonmyun’s space, head bending a little to look up into Joonmyun’s eyes.
“Is something wrong?” He straightens up. “Are you trying to fire me and the guilt is consum-- “
“I like you, Jongdae. And unless I’m reading the signs all wrong I think you like me too. Is it okay if I were to ask you out on a date some time?” Joonmyun determinedly looks straight into Jongdae’s eyes, which are rounded in alarm, before they soften and Jongdae places a hand on his forearm, mouth open to speak.
Before he even does, Joonmyun curls a hand around the back of Jongdae’s neck and kisses him hard, his mouth closing around Jongdae’s upper lip. He feels Jongdae return the kiss, his head shifting a little more as he melds into it. The hand on Joonmyun’s forearm tightens for a second and then as soon as it came, the warmth is gone.
“I don’t think I can do this,” Jongdae says, sounding almost sad as he stumbles out of the pantry. Joonmyun stands there, stricken, his lips tingling from the ghost of Jongdae’s touch.
✿✿✿
Jongdae doesn’t come to Joonmyun’s desk unless completely necessary and Joonmyun knows better than to ask Jongdae to grab take-out for the both of them. Jongdae goes to lunch with Baekhyun and Joonmyun politely turns down his co-workers who ask him out. Jongdae comes to, and gets off work on time, as per usual. Joonmyun isolates himself, and struggles to understand what went all wrong with Jongdae.
✿✿✿
Joonmyun thinks he’s finally gaining some normalcy back in the office. Baekhyun doesn’t give him a pitying look when he walks into the office that morning and Jongdae’d left a post-it beside his coffee.
“Starting tomorrow you're drinking green tea and coffee on alternate days. This is getting unhealthy,” it reads, complete with an emoticon that depicts a frowny face.
Joonmyun doesn’t realise how much he’s missed getting these until he opens up the side drawer to place the new note atop the rest.
✿✿✿
With an impending important meeting with a huge client, Joonmyun does what he does best, skipping lunches and staying back in the office longer than is probably necessary.
It’s just that this billion-dollar contract is one of the biggest he’s ever had to sign. His father, heck, the entire company is depending on him to score this client so as to elevate the company’s brand to stand out amongst its competitors. Joonmyun knows that he could have gotten this easily without all the stress, but the monetary value placed behind this contract is a tremendous amount of weight upon his shoulders and he continues to work himself into the ground.
It’s late, probably around 8 or 9 p.m. The rest of the floor is empty, save for Jongdae who’s still at his desk. Joonmyun had asked very quietly if Jongdae could stay behind for a couple more hours and Jongdae had agreed after making a hushed phone call.
Jongdae walks up to Joonmyun, handing him a file for the briefing before tomorrow’s Very Important Meeting.
“You look stressed,” Jongdae teases, gesturing at Joonmyun’s loose tie and unkempt hair.
Joonmyun imagines that there’s a pinched look on his face because the next thing he knows, Jongdae sits himself on the desk and he pulls Joonmyun forward towards him, the wheels of his chair squeaking.
Joonmyun looks up at Jongdae. There’s a soft look on his face which squeezes Joonmyun’s heart, but he likes it. It’s like they both know that they have something they want but can’t have. Jongdae reaches a hand out and Joonmyun stills. But he relaxes and closes his eyes, letting Jongdae smooth his thumbs over his temples and stroke his face. Joonmyun doesn’t know why, but he finally breaks down, laying and burying his face into Jongdae’s thigh, a few tears escaping. Jongdae keeps quiet and continues stroking his hair.
It’s moments later that he finally calms down and extricates himself from his position to stand up before Jongdae. He hesitates, but brings himself down to Jongdae’s level and grazes his lips lightly against Jongdae’s cheek. “Thank you,” Joonmyun says, genuinely thankful. Jongdae just smiles slightly and hops off the table, shutting down his computer and waves his fingers goodbye as he exits the office, leaving Joonmyun alone with his thoughts.
✿✿✿
Needless to say, the client signs the contract and Baekhyun and Jongdae manage to wheedle Joonmyun into treating the entire floor to samgyupsal.
✿✿✿
Locating his car in the basement of the apartment complex is always a hassle. Joonmyun never seems to remember where he’s parked it the night before. He nearly starts the engine when his phone starts to ring. It’s Jongdae.
“Hey, bossman.” Joonmyun hears a bit of an echo and thinks Jongdae sounds a out of breath, a little hysterical, even.
“I can’t come in for work. I know it’s really last minute but something came up and--” Joonmyun hears a loud splash in the background and a sharp cry. “Shit, I’m sorry, Joonmyun, please say yes,” Jongdae pleads through the phone. Joonmyun’s never heard Jongdae curse before and it seems like Jongdae has a pressing matter at hand. It’s been two days since the big signing and today’s the day when Joonmyun’s supposed to bring the entire floor out for samgyupsal for lunch, it being a Friday and all. Joonmyun was really looking forward to it, too.
“No worries, I--” Joonmyun starts, but Jongdae cuts him off.
“Thank you bossman!” And he hangs up.
Joonmyun stares bewilderedly at his phone and feels the edge of his lips tug downward. He shrugs and places his phone into the connecting phone system in the car, revving up the engine and pulling out of the lot.
✿✿✿
Joonmyun guesses that he could have had much more fun had Jongdae been around the previous day at lunch, but he looks forward to seeing Jongdae in the office today, having missed him from the day before. The numbers on the clock change but Jongdae hasn’t even stepped into the office yet, last Joonmyun’s heard from Baekhyun. It is uncharacteristic of Jongdae to not be on time, even more so for him to be late. He steps into Joonmyun’s office 15 minutes later, mouth open, an apology hanging off his lips. Joonmyun takes one glance at him and sees that he’s forgotten his tie.
“It’s fine,” Joonmyun says even before Jongdae apologises. He smiles at Jongdae to emphasise his point and only looks back at his computer when Jongdae sits down at his own desk.
Only he stands back up seconds later, shouts “coffee!” and runs out of the office before Joonmyun can even stop him. Joonmyun smiles in adoration at no one, shaking his head as he returns to his work.
Things go on fine till lunch time. Jongdae comes to his desk to be let off for lunch a little earlier, rubbing his palms over his slacks. Joonmyun peers at him curiously and asks, “Is something wrong?” Jongdae just shakes his head no and says that he’s got a lunch date as he laughs nervously.
Up close, Joonmyun observes that Jongdae has day old stubble on his chin and above his lip. His eye circles look a little darker today and he has a coffee stain on his shirt. A lunch date? He doesn’t press further, though, and lets Jongdae off for lunch, looking at his retreating figure as he stumbles out the office.
Jongdae returns from lunch looking worse for wear, pieces of his hair out of place and the area around his eyes red and swollen. A question tugs at Joonmyun’s lips but he thinks that it’s better for him to not question it. Jongdae’s a grown man and it’s his life. Joonmyun should trust Jongdae with himself a bit more.
The atmosphere in the Joonmyun’s office is a little dim and tries to joke about the colour of Baekhyun’s tie with Jongdae.
“It’s mustard-yellow! It’s fashionable!” Joonmyun attempts to imitate Baekhyun. Jongdae smiles slightly at him, albeit a little frayed at the edges. Just then, Joonmyun’s intercom beeps and Joonmyun clicks on a button.
“I hear you, Mr. Kim. That’s not quite it,” Baekhyun drawls over the intercom.
Jongdae starts laughing. Bright chortling laughter filling up the office as Joonmyun flushes and releases the button. It’s fine, though, because Jongdae’s laughing again and the office already seems so much brighter. Joonmyun sends Jongdae a look that quiets him down, but he continues giggling anyway. And Joonmyun, who continues smiling at Jongdae, thinks that maybe everything’s fine, afterall.
✿✿✿
They revert back to their usual routine. The iced coffee, post-its, lunch breaks and minor flirting on Jongdae’s part. The weeks past and it’s like Joonmyun’s never screwed things up in the first place.
✿✿✿
Jongdae sets the iced Americano down the pink coaster, and then places a neon green post-it beside it, pressing down on its edges so that it sticks to Joonmyun’s desk.
“May I please be released at 4 today, bossman? :(“ Sad face and everything.
Joonmyun looks up. “Why?” he asks.
“It’s important, but I can’t really say...” Jongdae trails off and shrugs. “You can dock my pay if you want, it doesn’t matter. But I really need to go off 4 p.m. sharp today,” he finishes.
“I wasn’t going to not let you go off anyway. But you should know that you can always come to me if you’re having any problems, right?” Joonmyun makes sure to say sternly to Jongdae. Jongdae’s eyes soften, and he sort of looks... guilty?
“I know, bossman. Thank you.”
Joonmyun is ready this time. Jongdae is keeping secrets and he wants to know what’s going on. He knows he shouldn’t be doing this, but if Jongdae won’t speak to him about it then this is the only thing that he can do. He heads down to the car park 10 minutes before Jongdae had asked to be let off and parked his car right outside the company building. Right at 4:02 p.m., Joonmyun sees Jongdae exiting the building before flagging down a cab. It’s curious because Jongdae’s all about cutting on expenses and saving money, always taking public transport and never a taxi. Joonmyun tails the vehicle that Jongdae’s in at a safe distance, which exits the international business district and out into the surrounding town area.
They pull to a stop outside a building, which Joonmyun notices is a kindergarten, as it reads on a sign outside the gates that they’ve just drove past. Joonmyun sees Jongdae getting out of the cab from his car, his messenger bag slung messily over his shoulder, and he enters a small entrance at the side of the school building. Joonmyun parks his car in a lot and follows Jongdae into the hall, just in time to see a little girl running into Jongdae’s arms, yelling “Daddy!” as she does.
✿✿✿
Daddy? Joonmyun feels lost and light-headed.
Jongdae is holding onto the little girl’s hand. She’s pouting, tears streaming down her face. And then he does what he did to Joonmyun the other night. He draws himself down to the same height as the girl, thumbs moving to wipe the tears away and carry her up into his arms.
Joonmyun hasn’t been discovered. He overhears the adult standing next to them, a teacher, apparently, telling Jongdae that “Jimin”, she gestures to the little girl, is having stage fright and won’t change into her costume. Jongdae asks if it’s okay to bring her out for a minute but before Joonmyun can even conceal himself, Jongdae’s turned around, the girl back on the ground, her small hand in his.
Jongdae is shell-shocked. It is written all over his face. Joonmyun offers a feeble “hi” and a smile that is as weak as he feels. Jongdae recovers soon enough, and Joonmyun walks up to him. “Let’s get out of here for bit, yeah?” He holds on to Jongdae’s arm to make sure he doesn’t run off, and walks them all out of the hall.
✿✿✿
Joonmyun steps aside as Jongdae talks to his daughter, his mind still reeling. Jongdae has a child? Jongdae is a father! Holy crap! That explains why he’s always getting off work on time. He. Is. A. Father. Joonmyun’s thoughts are screaming at him. There’s a pat on his shoulder and he jumps. It’s just Jongdae.
“Please don’t pass out on me,” Jongdae jokes. And then he turns serious. “Why were you following me?”
“I’m sorry. It’s just that you were acting really weird and I wanted to know what’s going on with you. I care for you.” Joonmyun tries to defend himself. He frowns. He’s never meant to intrude on Jongdae’s privacy like that.
“And you thought that the best thing to do was to follow me?”
“It’s not like you were going to tell me anything!” Joonmyun nearly shouts, and Jongdae narrows his eyes at him. Joonmyun inhales to speak again but a tug on his pant leg makes him look down, finding himself staring into a pair of big doe eyes.
“Hello, are you daddy’s bossman?” the little girl asks. Joonmyun nods and brings himself down into a squat so that he’s at face level with her. “And you’re Jimin?” She nods, too. The long tails of the yellow ribbons on her head droop into her face and she brings a small hand up to brush it away. “Daddy says you’re the bossman. Is daddy’s bossman here to watch the show, too?”
Joonmyun looks up at Jongdae, who nods stiltedly at him. “Yes, I’m here to watch the show. Will I be seeing you on stage too?”
Jimin’s eyes are downcast. “Jimin is scared. The stage is so big and there are so many chairs. There will be many people, right? I’m scared.” She pouts and her eyes have gotten watery again. Joonmyun brings both her hands together and smooths his thumbs over the back of them.
“You are going to be so good. You’ve practiced a lot, right?” Jimin nods, a tear landing on the back of her hand. “Well then there’s no problem. Uncle bossman and your daddy will be right there watching you. We’ll sit right at that corner and you can look at us. And then uncle bossman will bring you for ice cream after. How’s that?”
“Ice cream?” Jimin looks up at him. Joonmyun smiles and wipes stray tears off her cheeks.
“Yes, ice cream. All the ice cream you can eat in the whole, wide world!” Joonmyun adds in a childish tone and gestures wildly with one hand. He brings a pinkie to Jimin. “I promise.” Jimin smiles, tiny teeth showing as she extends her little finger out for Joonmyun. Joonmyun pats her on the head before drawing himself to full height, and he smiles smugly at Jongdae. “Nailed that.”
“Yeah, no. All the ice cream in the world? You never asked for my permission,” Jongdae snarks right back at him.
Joonmyun’s feels his face fall again. “I’m really sorry, Jongdae. I really just--”
“It’s fine. Thank you for the help. I don’t think she would have agreed to this if it weren’t for you.”
Joonmyun shrugs. “What can I say, she likes me just as much as her father does.” Jongdae sends him a piercing glare and shoves Joonmyun but catches him before he actually falls.
“Daddy, come on! I need to change!” Jimin whines. Joonmyun chuckles and moves himself next to her, holding her hand and pulling her forward gently. “Let’s go, then!”
The show is about a farm, from what Joonmyun can make of it. Like he’d said to Jimin, both Jongdae and himself are seated at a corner of the front row. They watch her sing The Sun Rises in her little sunflower costume, her hair tied into two pigtails. Joonmyun is distracted by Jongdae’s side profile though. He’s mouthing the words to the song and there’s just so much fondness in his smile that Joonmyun’s heart swells, and he resists the urge to place his hand over Jongdae’s own in his lap.
The show ends, and Joonmyun insists on driving father and daughter back to Bupyeong. Jongdae gives quiet instructions along the way as Jimin sleeps in the backseat. They turn into an officetel building and Joonmyun can only gape stupidly as Jongdae thanks him after gathering Jimin up in his arms and pushing the car door shut. How is this place comfortable enough for the both of them?
He falls into bed, Doctor Mittens hot on his heels. Joonmyun smiles, thinking of the look in Jongdae’s eyes when he’d seen his daughter onstage, when he’s with his daughter, and just like that all the pieces fall together. Joonmyun berates himself for not noticing earlier. Today’s happenings boil down to one thing though, and it’s that Joonmyun’s feelings for Jongdae have changed and evolved into something stronger.
✿✿✿
Jongdae enters Joonmyun’s office the next day, bright and early with the iced Americano. He doesn’t go back to his desk like he usually does, but sits himself right infront of Joonmyun on his desk. Joonmyun places a reassuring hand on Jongdae’s thigh and looks up at him. And just like that, Jongdae tells him about Jimin.
Jongdae’s parents had passed away in a car crash two years ago. A car crash that Jongdae still blames himself for, since his father had taken his eyes off the road for a second to look at what Jongdae was trying to show him and the next thing he knew, they’d crashed into a large truck driving in the wrong lane, he’s in the hospital, and his parents are dead. Two years means Jongdae working part time at various places to afford the rent on his officetel. In his final year of high school, his grades were slipping and he still had his college entrance exams to worry about. Jongdae found Jimin in a duffel bag by the abandoned train tracks when he was making a detour walking home. It was like some kind of saving grace that’d saved him from himself. He brought the baby home and basically raised her with the help of the elderly neighbour next door. A year later, he entered college on full scholarship and finally registered the baby as a citizen, with the judge granting him rights to be the child’s father. Here he is 4 years later, getting by, raising a daughter in his officetel. Although there’s nothing fancy going on his life, even if he can’t live the lifestyle of the usual 23 year old adult, he’s satisfied.
Joonmyun’s long since moved his hands to cover Jongdae’s as he was telling the story and squeezes them for good measure.
“Okay,” Joonmyun says because Jongdae’s finished speaking and he’s blinking at Joonmyun expectantly.
“Just... okay? You don’t have anymore questions?” The expression on Jongdae’s face is unreadable and he’s wrapped his arms around himself.
“You’ve worked really hard Jongdae. You’re a hard worker and I can see that you work hard at being a great father, too. Your daughter loves you and you, Jongdae, are clearly in love with her too. That look on your face, all the love in your eyes they may as well be heart shaped. What else is there to say?” Joonmyun wants to bring a hand up to soothe Jongdae’s brow, but lets both hands fall lamely into his own lap.
“Okay,” Jongdae nods. He gets off the table, figure still hunched into himself.
“We should probably start working on this new account.” Joonmyun smiles, attempting to get back into the ease of their previous conversations.
“Yeah,” Jongdae nods, and leaves Joonmyun’s desk for his own.
Joonmyun glances over at Jongdae and their eyes meet. Joonmyun tilts his head with a smile. He’s happy to note that the one Jongdae returns actually reaches his eyes, and he gets back to work, knowing that things are okay between them.
✿✿✿
“There’s a little girl on line one saying she won’t give her name to strangers who wants to speak to her daddy,” Baekhyun pages through the intercom and Jongdae’s head shoots up in alarm. “What do I do oh my god this is the fifth call!”
“It’s okay, Baekhyun, just put her through to me,” Joonmyun replies.
“Do you have a child that I--” Baekhyun is cut off as Joonmyun switches to line one.
“Hello?” he asks tentatively.
“Hello, can I speak to my daddy please?” A voice sounds through the speaker. It is Jimin, alright.
Jongdae is in front of his desk in seconds. “Yes, daddy is here. What’s wrong? Did you get into trouble?”
“Daddy! Daddy forgot to pick me up! Mrs Lee is angry.” Jimin says, and Joonmyun can hear her pout even through the speaker.
Joonmyun presses on a button that switches it from speaker to phone and lifts the receiver up for Jongdae, just to give him a little privacy. Jongdae has both hands cradled tight against the receiver. “I-- yes. Daddy will be there. Just wait for daddy and don’t go off with anyone, okay?” He pauses. “Yes you’re the most obedient. I’ll give you two hours of TV time today. Daddy is sorry. I love you, little one.”
Jongdae turns to face Joonmyun, his face almost grey with guilt. “I’m sorry but could I just have half a day off? I totally forgot about Jimin we were so busy at work and I left Jimin in school I--”
“It’ll be fine. I’m driving you.”
Joonmyun remembers the directions from the last time he’d went there. They’re halfway to the kindergarten when he decides that he’s got to know what’s happened. Before he can open his mouth to ask, though, Jongdae speaks.
“I can see that you’re dying to ask me, bossman,” Jongdae teases him lightly. “It’s Children’s Day tomorrow. The kids only go to school for half a day on the eve of it and I forgot to pick Jimin up. How could I--” he lets out a huge sigh. “Mrs. Lee already thinks that I’m too young to bring up a kid and this just confirms it, doesn’t it? I’m not fit to be a father. I don’t. I just don’t deserve Jimin. She needs a better father. She deserves someone who can always be there for her. I’m such a bad father.” Jongdae wrings his hands in his lap, his knuckles white from the amount of force that he’s doing so.
Joonmyun lifts a hand from the steering wheel and does his best to pry Jongdae’s hands apart from each other. Firmly squeezing one of Jongdae’s freed hands, he says, “If it matters to you at all, I think you’re a great father. I’ve seen people who gave up halfway through even the simplest of tasks, but four years of this, Jongdae, I’m not so sure I could have done it myself. You’re formidable. And so strong, Jongdae. You are strong now and you can be even stronger for yourself and for Jimin. You guys only have each other.” He slows down at a red light and pulls the car to a stop. “And you have me too.” He gives Jongdae a smile which he hopes is as reassuring and firm as he feels.
The one that Jongdae returns is soft but sure, he flips his hand over to entwine his fingers with Joonmyun’s. And that’s when Joonmyun knows that he’s alright. They’re alright.
✿✿✿ END ✿✿✿
**
(This note is probably rated R)
1. The ending probably isn’t what you expected. But I feel that for Jongdae and Joonmyun to end up being together ~*~for real~*~ they would have to go through a lot more character and relationship development. Jongdae has a daughter and it’s almost too much for a bachelor like Joonmyun to embrace and accept the both of them just like that into his lives. But of course, in the imaginary continuation of this fic Jongdae and Jimin pack their things up after a year and a half and move into Joonmyun’s apartment. Jimin and Doctor Mittens become the best of friends. Jongdae gets promoted by one of Joonmyun’s bosses (yeah the entire company is huge I’ve imagined it all up in my head) and is now a public relations officer in another department. But all is well because they still get to go on lunch dates (or not go on lunch dates because some days Jongdae’d really prefer to stay in Joonmyun’s office and eat his ass or something) and they go home to a lovely daughter. All is well and the end.
From: birthdaykill
Title: it doesn't matter what you say (i'm gonna be here anyway)
Rating: PG
Length: 7467 words
Summary: Joonmyun’s new assistant is very forward. But there’s something he seems to be hiding, too, and Joonmyun can’t help but wonder what secrets Jongdae’s been keeping.
Notes: Many thanks to A for editing this for me. I love the parts of our voice calls where we only hear each other typing furiously into our respective word documents. And when you play your music so loudly that I don’t have to play mine and we can enjoy the same music while writing together HAHA yay you I wouldn’t have the confidence to finish this if it weren’t for you. Really. Thank you.
Joonmyun has never expected much from life.
He graduates from SNU’s International Relations program in less than four years before he turns 24, and one day before he does, his father tells him that he’s going to have to start learning to take over the family business, preferably before he turns 30. Joonmyun only agrees because that seems like the right thing to do. He’s smart, hardworking and is quite the looker, too, if he were to say so himself. It’s just that he doesn’t really have a direction in life; he isn’t sure of which path to take, and since his father’s offering, he’s not going to be a fool and say no. Two months later sees him being uprooted from his little apartment his parents have rented for him in Apgujeong, and into a much more luxurious apartment complex in Canal Walk, right at the edge of Songdo, Incheon.
There’s one thing that people should understand, and it’s that Joonmyun did not grow up surrounded by riches and gold. He’s witnessed his father slaving for others and working his way to the top, before breaking off with the rogue company and starting up his own. Their family of four had eventually moved out of the little rented villa apartment, and straight into an apartment in the Gangnam district. Joonmyun had moved out when he entered college but right now, after living 26 years of his life under someone else’s roof, here he is, in his own spacious, luxurious apartment surrounded by a man-made canal right outside his floor-to-ceiling windows, accompanied by clean white furniture with modern grey walls. The light pitter-patter of his Scottish Straight’s feet against the wooden floorboards go alongside his own.
On the occasional Saturday business party his father holds, people walk up to him and pat him on his shoulder, telling him that he’s so lucky, and that he has everything. Joonmyun smiles and thanks them, but not really, he thinks. He doesn’t really have everything.
✿✿✿
Joonmyun’s new assistant greets him with a bright neon pink post-it beside a glass of iced Americano, placed atop an equally pink coaster. A stainless steel straw is in place of his usual disposable plastic one, but he shrugs and places it in the glass to get his first sip of coffee anyway. He picks up the pink slip of paper:
Hi boss! I’m Kim Jongdae, your new assistant. Here is your daily cup of iced Americano. I hope you don’t mind that I’ve replaced your usual straws with this new one. It’s reusable and eco-friendly! I have gone down to the second floor to get the red folder from a certain Kris, as Baekhyun at the front desk had instructed me me to do. I will be back in five.
Kim Jongdae
Joonmyun squints at the paper as he continues sucking on the cold metal straw, and then flicks his wrist downwards to look at the hands of his watch. 9 a.m.. Anything involving a red file does not jog his memory. He doesn’t recall ever instructing Baekhyun-- oh that asshole. He presses down on the intercom button that connects to the front desk, and he barely hears Baekhyun’s voice greeting him over the speaker before it turns into rough shout and then a yelp. Joonmyun jumps and releases the button, and he’s out of his chair before his office door bursts open.
Before him stands a man barely taller than him, his blazer unbuttoned and light-blue tie slightly askew. It seems like whatever trouble he’s gotten into had left his neatly coiffed hair out of it. Schooling his face into one of impassiveness, Joonmyun asks, “I see you’ve met my receptionist?”
The corners of the man’s lips lift into a smile and he pushes a hand through his hair as he extends the other out to Joonmyun. “Kim Jongdae. They did not say that Kim Joonmyun looked this handsome. I thought that I was going to be working for a 40 year old man!”
Joonmyun lifts an eyebrow and bites back a smile, still very much determined to play the role of a tough boss. “So are you saying that my name makes me sound like a 40 year old man?”
“Well, I guess you would still be a very good-looking one.” Jongdae winks and sits himself down on the chair opposite Joonmyun’s desk. “What’s the agenda for today? Or maybe you could just run me through how things work over here and then I can start. Officially. Oh, you might also need a new receptionist.” Joonmyun makes his way back to the chair behind his desk, and shakes the mouse to wake the monitor, completely aware of how Jongdae is staring at him very intently.
“You truly have one of the most exquisite faces,” Jongdae says. And Joonmyun is a grown man, he will not blush like a teenager. Joonmyun prints out a copy of his schedule for the day and slides it across the table to Jongdae, together with the company-issued notebook and desk organiser.
“All these happen today.” Joonmyun gestures to the piece of paper. “You can access your email using the given password and you’ll be able to update my schedule whenever a new one comes up. And these organisers... I’m sure you know what to do with them?”
Jongdae purses his lips as he studies the day’s schedules and flips through the empty organiser. “All right then. And about your receptionist, Baekhyun? He said that you gave me instructions to get a red folder from a Kris. I couldn’t even get past his receptionist. She just raised her brows at me and threatened to send security after me when I insisted that I meet Kris.” Joonmyun risks a look sideways from his computer and confirms that Jongdae has indeed been saying all that with a pout on his face. “I came back up and there Baekhyun was with this look on his face. So I went behind the front desk and pulled his chair out from under him,” Jongdae finishes with a shrug of his shoulder.
Joonmyun finds himself smiling. Not everyone has the guts to deal with Baekhyun’s shenanigans so directly. “I’ll deal with him later. But for now you can start working on helping me with settling our account with this client who’s trying to market blueberry flavoured coffee,” he says. “They need all the help they can get.” Jongdae sticks his tongue out in a “uck!” and then gives Joonmyun a salute as he exits the office, a musky sandalwood scent lingering in his wake.
✿✿✿
Jongdae is a fresh college graduate. Joonmyun had looked through resumé after resumé and Jongdae’s had finally caught his eye. It is rather unusual for a 23 year old to have completed college and have this much work experience, ranging from part-timing at a local fast-food chain to dog-sitting and baby-sitting. Most of it is rather irrelevant to what the job opening actually requires. But this is exactly what Joonmyun needs - a pair of fresh eyes and an unjaded mind.
✿✿✿
Joonmyun thinks Jongdae got through the first week well enough. They secured four accounts with two major companies and Joonmyun has to admit that he could not have done all of that if not for Jongdae’s help and support. He works hard, as Joonmyun observes from the glass panel that provides him direct sight over Jongdae’s shoulder and to his computer screen. He’s never found Jongdae on a site that he’s not supposed to be at, his open tabs and windows are always only those related to work and Joonmyun has never had a personal assistant who did not at least open the pre-installed solitaire application for a bit of off-time.
Jongdae is also crazily punctual. They both start work at 9 but while Joonmyun usually just reaches the company at 8, Jongdae arrives 20 minutes early to check Joonmyun’s agenda and get started on two espresso shots for Joonmyun’s iced Americano. It is everyday without fail that he knocks on Joonmyun’s office door, greets him a good morning and leaves the coffee ice cold on a pink coaster beside Joonmyun’s computer. Joonmyun would send a smile Jongdae’s way as he leaves for his own desk situated right outside Joonmyun’s office.
Joonmyun realises by the second week that considering the number of times in a day that Jongdae has to come into Joonmyun’s office to clear things up and work together with him, it would be much more convenient if Jongdae’s desk was right here in his office. It is big enough anyway, and Joonmyun thinks that Jongdae’s presence would provide some sort of company, even if they worked in silence most of the time.
He soon realises that he’s wrong, though. Jongdae is much more of a distraction now that they work in such close quarters, even though Joonmyun’s office alone takes up nearly half of the floor’s layout. Jongdae writes notes on post-its which he sticks all over the office. Little reminders to tell Joonmyun to “smile!” or to “brush your teeth after lunch, meeting with client @ 2!”. Joonmyun appreciates them all, to say the least. He keeps all the little stickers in a compartment in his second drawer. And he pretends to not notice Jongdae’s stares prickling the side of his neck whenever he’s bent over the desk going through the contract proposal for the twentieth time that day.
✿✿✿
“Do I really have to go down to the second floor?” Jongdae is whining again. He gave Joonmyun the stink-eye earlier when he’d reminded Jongdae to clean up his desk. As Joonmyun thinks about how much Jongdae’s age shows during times like these, Jongdae continues to run his mouth off about Kris and gigantic hands and brows and if he’s ever trimmed them. Joonmyun shoots Jongdae a look that successfully shuts him up, at which he pouts and then grabs a file off the table before stomping off to the office door, yelling at Baekhyun to “shut up!” before he’s even said anything. Joonmyun laughs breathily as he sits back in his swivel chair and stretches, closing his eyes and placing his hands behind his head. Jongdae is such a breath of fresh air.
✿✿✿
Jongdae is pouting again. Well, not pouting as much as furrowing his brows and banging angrily on his keyboard, Joonmyun notes. “Baekhyun was going to tell me about his date with Kris’s receptionist over lunch. And he’s treating! Do you know how important it is that he’s treating? Everything here is so expensive unless I settle for eating Kyochon chicken everyday...”
He’s cute. He’s so cute even when he’s whining like this. Joonmyun lets out a little cough as if to interrupt his own thoughts. “I’m sorry, it’s just that we’re so busy and this next account is worth too much. I can’t, we cannot afford to lose this account.” Joonmyun apologises. He feels the stress levels in him spiking even as he’s explaining the situation.
It seems like Jongdae’s sensed that something’s up. His features soften and he walks towards Joonmyun, picking up the empty glass sitting on a pink coaster. “I know, bossman. I’ll go grab lunch for the both of us and head back here fast.” He walks towards the office door, hand on the handle before he turns to face Joonmyun. “We’ll both work hard on this together. Believe in us, okay?” And then he leaves. Joonmyun nods to no one as he runs a hand through his hair, knowing he’s going to mess it up but not caring. He has work to do.
✿✿✿
There is one thing that Joonmyun notices: he’s been smiling a lot more ever since Jongdae’s stepped into his office as his personal assistant. He does not know how that could be, but it seems like Jongdae brings along a stream of light behind him and lights up the way as he goes about the day’s activities. The corner where he’s seated at his desk always seems to be significantly brighter than the rest of the room. And Joonmyun likes looking at that corner, likes looking at Jongdae as he works - the quirk of his lips when he’s thought of a particularly original idea, and that furrow in his brows when he’s so concentrated in his work. Joonmyun hopes that Jongdae’s concentration is enough for him to not notice that Joonmyun has been staring a little too much at him
Joonmyun is jolted out of his daze when Jongdae’s head snaps up. He’s looking at the digital clock hanging on the wall again. Joonmyun has realised that Jongdae does this whenever it nears 6 p.m., when Jongdae gets off work. He’s never thought much about it, since Jongdae works hard throughout the day without as much as a break to the pantry. And well, anyone would be eager to go home after a long, gruelling day at work.
Joonmyun glances at the clock. It reads 5:55 p.m. and as if on cue, after a few clicks on his mouse, Jongdae slides the keyboard holder back under the table and walks out of the office, coming back in with a glass of water, ice cubes clinking against each other. He looks really happy like always does right before he gets off work. And it’s not that he doesn’t seem happy when he’s working. Joonmyun simply feels like Jongdae smiles a little brighter whenever the numbers on the clock switch to read 6 p.m.
Just as he does everyday, Jongdae places the glass on the pink coaster and bows slightly at Joonmyun. Right after doing so, he takes a look at Joonmyun’s face and sighs a little. Now this is different. Joonmyun quirks an eyebrow up when Jongdae comes towards him behind the desk. He freezes completely when Jongdae gets closer and stands behind his swivel chair. His chair drops a few moments later and he kicks a foot into the side of his desk in surprise. Joonmyun spins his head around to glare at Jongdae. “Hey don’t look at me like that I was just doing you a favour! You were slouching and it must really be hurting your back. Also, it made you look even smaller than you already are. You’re the bossman! You’ve got to have the posture to look like one,” Jongdae says as he ruffles Joonmyun’s hair before making his way to the office doors again.
Joonmyun freezes once again at that affectionate gesture and he sputters. “I-I’m not small!! Stop messing with my hair and tell me before you do anything shocking like that again!” he yells at Jongdae’s cackling, retreating figure.
An hour after Jongdae’s left, Joonmyun frowns and looks at his reflection against the black glass walls, wriggling about in his chair. Okay, well. He really needs to work on his posture and that small adjustment Jongdae made to his chair had really helped with his back ache. Ugh, that brat, Joonmyun smiles fondly. He’s right.
✿✿✿
Jongdae is sitting on his desk again. Joonmyun’s desk, to be more precise. He’s kicking his legs back and forth, the usual pout on his face.
“You know you can’t make me get take out for you everyday, right? Please just come get lunch with me. Do you even get out of the chair to pee? Do you even leave the office?” Jongdae kicks at Joonmyun’s chair so it swivels to and fro.
Joonmyun knows better than to allow such proximity between them but selfishly lets himself indulge in the warmth provided by Jongdae’s presence. He feels a tug on his hand and looks up, which soon proves to be a huge mistake because Jongdae is being the very definition of “big brown eyes” and Joonmyun is weak. He relents and lets Jongdae pull him up but not before letting out a huge, exasperated sigh.
“Fine, but it’s my treat,” he says.
Jongdae glances at him sideways like he’s said something really stupid. “You know I would never pay, anyway.”
✿✿✿
Doctor Mittens is currently making himself comfortable in Joonmyun’s lap, the both of them lounging on the white leather couch while Joonmyun browses through this month’s Forbes Magazine on his iPad. Joonmyun pushes it aside after flipping through a few pages, opting to close his eyes and lean back into the couch as he runs the palm of his hand along Doctor Mitten’s neck and back. The cat purrs lowly and leans into Joonmyun’s touch as he hums softly to himself. The quiet in his apartment is settling, to say the least, after a hectic day at work.
Joonmyun thinks about Jongdae and the way he bats his eyelashes at him when he’s trying to wheedle out of going to Kris’s floor, about how Jongdae is so small but so strong. He’s so hardworking, Joonmyun thinks for the 10th time that day. He’d nearly missed lunch that day because he was so caught up with work and Joonmyun had been the one to knock him out his work frenzy, reminding him to “eat! or I’ll cut your paycheck”. Jongdae had narrowed his eyes at him and gone to the pantry to grab a bag of chips, opening it up and eating out of it while glaring at Joonmyun. “What? I’m eating!” He’d yelled when Joonmyun opened his mouth to complain.
Joonmyun smiles at that memory. He likes Jongdae, yes. He can’t get enough of him and selfishly hopes that Jongdae would stay for a while longer after office hours just so he could spend more time with him, even though Jongdae runs off straightaway, everyday.
It’s a scary thought, to want someone this much. Joonmyun’s brain and heart hold a long debate deciding if he should just ask Jongdae out. His heart wins, eventually. Jongdae’s a hard worker and quite honestly the best assistant Joonmyun’s ever had and he wouldn’t want to risk losing Jongdae if he fails. But of course, he would rather fail knowing he’s tried than not having attempted at all.
✿✿✿
Apparently ‘trying’ means doing it the next day.
Joonmyun hadn’t planned on doing it so soon. But Jongdae walks into Joonmyun’s office with a polka dotted bow tie and, instead of his usual ‘good morning’, scrunches his nose up at Joonmyun in greeting which also turns his eyes into crescents.
Joonmyun’s momentarily stunned and a rush of affection surges up and burns his chest. It could have looked completely ridiculous to someone like Baekhyun but Joonmyun just found it absolutely adorable, as he’s been finding most of Jongdae’s actions. All of them, really, if he were to be completely honest with himself. Today’s face scrunch and bow tie are basically add-ons to Jongdae’s cuteness scale. It gives Joonmyun the extra nudge to tell Jongdae and Joonmyun really, really hopes that what he’s about to do isn’t going to end up being a huge mistake.
Lunch break comes and goes. Jongdae bats his eyelashes at Joonmyun again, enticing him into lunch at one of the quaint sandwich places that Jongdae’s been dying to try out. Jongdae eats his sandwich deconstructed, removing the top bread slice and the food items in between before eating them bit by bit with a fork and knife. Joonmyun raises his brows, but that isn’t the weirdest thing he’s seen Jongdae do.
The tiny sandwich, as gourmet as it is, doesn’t curb Joonmyun’s hunger but it seems to work well enough for Jongdae, who seems to share the same stomach capacity as a mouse. The both of them walk back to the company building. Joonmyun trips over his own feet and Jongdae shoves at Joonmyun’s shoulder as he laughs. “You’re so embarrassing!”
Joonmyun would gladly do anything to hear Jongdae laugh like this everyday, even if it means tripping over his own feet all the time. He’s already fallen head first and knee-deep for Jongdae anyway.
✿✿✿
10 minutes to 6 p.m., as if on cue, Jongdae leaves his desk and goes to the pantry for the daily glass of iced water. Joonmyun follows him a few seconds later and corners Jongdae right in front of the espresso machine.
“Jongdae,” Joonmyun says.
Jongdae jumps and the ice tray in his hands drops back onto the counter.
“You surprised me! Are you gonna be a good bossman and get your water yourself?” Jongdae grins, his eyelashes fluttering, the lilt at the corner of his lips teasing.
“No, I was just-- “ Joonmyun drops his head and his shoulders droop. He doesn’t know how to do this. He’s never been the one to make the first move. And Jongdae is so special.
Jongdae’s expression has fallen into one of concern, and he takes a step forward into Joonmyun’s space, head bending a little to look up into Joonmyun’s eyes.
“Is something wrong?” He straightens up. “Are you trying to fire me and the guilt is consum-- “
“I like you, Jongdae. And unless I’m reading the signs all wrong I think you like me too. Is it okay if I were to ask you out on a date some time?” Joonmyun determinedly looks straight into Jongdae’s eyes, which are rounded in alarm, before they soften and Jongdae places a hand on his forearm, mouth open to speak.
Before he even does, Joonmyun curls a hand around the back of Jongdae’s neck and kisses him hard, his mouth closing around Jongdae’s upper lip. He feels Jongdae return the kiss, his head shifting a little more as he melds into it. The hand on Joonmyun’s forearm tightens for a second and then as soon as it came, the warmth is gone.
“I don’t think I can do this,” Jongdae says, sounding almost sad as he stumbles out of the pantry. Joonmyun stands there, stricken, his lips tingling from the ghost of Jongdae’s touch.
✿✿✿
Jongdae doesn’t come to Joonmyun’s desk unless completely necessary and Joonmyun knows better than to ask Jongdae to grab take-out for the both of them. Jongdae goes to lunch with Baekhyun and Joonmyun politely turns down his co-workers who ask him out. Jongdae comes to, and gets off work on time, as per usual. Joonmyun isolates himself, and struggles to understand what went all wrong with Jongdae.
✿✿✿
Joonmyun thinks he’s finally gaining some normalcy back in the office. Baekhyun doesn’t give him a pitying look when he walks into the office that morning and Jongdae’d left a post-it beside his coffee.
“Starting tomorrow you're drinking green tea and coffee on alternate days. This is getting unhealthy,” it reads, complete with an emoticon that depicts a frowny face.
Joonmyun doesn’t realise how much he’s missed getting these until he opens up the side drawer to place the new note atop the rest.
✿✿✿
With an impending important meeting with a huge client, Joonmyun does what he does best, skipping lunches and staying back in the office longer than is probably necessary.
It’s just that this billion-dollar contract is one of the biggest he’s ever had to sign. His father, heck, the entire company is depending on him to score this client so as to elevate the company’s brand to stand out amongst its competitors. Joonmyun knows that he could have gotten this easily without all the stress, but the monetary value placed behind this contract is a tremendous amount of weight upon his shoulders and he continues to work himself into the ground.
It’s late, probably around 8 or 9 p.m. The rest of the floor is empty, save for Jongdae who’s still at his desk. Joonmyun had asked very quietly if Jongdae could stay behind for a couple more hours and Jongdae had agreed after making a hushed phone call.
Jongdae walks up to Joonmyun, handing him a file for the briefing before tomorrow’s Very Important Meeting.
“You look stressed,” Jongdae teases, gesturing at Joonmyun’s loose tie and unkempt hair.
Joonmyun imagines that there’s a pinched look on his face because the next thing he knows, Jongdae sits himself on the desk and he pulls Joonmyun forward towards him, the wheels of his chair squeaking.
Joonmyun looks up at Jongdae. There’s a soft look on his face which squeezes Joonmyun’s heart, but he likes it. It’s like they both know that they have something they want but can’t have. Jongdae reaches a hand out and Joonmyun stills. But he relaxes and closes his eyes, letting Jongdae smooth his thumbs over his temples and stroke his face. Joonmyun doesn’t know why, but he finally breaks down, laying and burying his face into Jongdae’s thigh, a few tears escaping. Jongdae keeps quiet and continues stroking his hair.
It’s moments later that he finally calms down and extricates himself from his position to stand up before Jongdae. He hesitates, but brings himself down to Jongdae’s level and grazes his lips lightly against Jongdae’s cheek. “Thank you,” Joonmyun says, genuinely thankful. Jongdae just smiles slightly and hops off the table, shutting down his computer and waves his fingers goodbye as he exits the office, leaving Joonmyun alone with his thoughts.
✿✿✿
Needless to say, the client signs the contract and Baekhyun and Jongdae manage to wheedle Joonmyun into treating the entire floor to samgyupsal.
✿✿✿
Locating his car in the basement of the apartment complex is always a hassle. Joonmyun never seems to remember where he’s parked it the night before. He nearly starts the engine when his phone starts to ring. It’s Jongdae.
“Hey, bossman.” Joonmyun hears a bit of an echo and thinks Jongdae sounds a out of breath, a little hysterical, even.
“I can’t come in for work. I know it’s really last minute but something came up and--” Joonmyun hears a loud splash in the background and a sharp cry. “Shit, I’m sorry, Joonmyun, please say yes,” Jongdae pleads through the phone. Joonmyun’s never heard Jongdae curse before and it seems like Jongdae has a pressing matter at hand. It’s been two days since the big signing and today’s the day when Joonmyun’s supposed to bring the entire floor out for samgyupsal for lunch, it being a Friday and all. Joonmyun was really looking forward to it, too.
“No worries, I--” Joonmyun starts, but Jongdae cuts him off.
“Thank you bossman!” And he hangs up.
Joonmyun stares bewilderedly at his phone and feels the edge of his lips tug downward. He shrugs and places his phone into the connecting phone system in the car, revving up the engine and pulling out of the lot.
✿✿✿
Joonmyun guesses that he could have had much more fun had Jongdae been around the previous day at lunch, but he looks forward to seeing Jongdae in the office today, having missed him from the day before. The numbers on the clock change but Jongdae hasn’t even stepped into the office yet, last Joonmyun’s heard from Baekhyun. It is uncharacteristic of Jongdae to not be on time, even more so for him to be late. He steps into Joonmyun’s office 15 minutes later, mouth open, an apology hanging off his lips. Joonmyun takes one glance at him and sees that he’s forgotten his tie.
“It’s fine,” Joonmyun says even before Jongdae apologises. He smiles at Jongdae to emphasise his point and only looks back at his computer when Jongdae sits down at his own desk.
Only he stands back up seconds later, shouts “coffee!” and runs out of the office before Joonmyun can even stop him. Joonmyun smiles in adoration at no one, shaking his head as he returns to his work.
Things go on fine till lunch time. Jongdae comes to his desk to be let off for lunch a little earlier, rubbing his palms over his slacks. Joonmyun peers at him curiously and asks, “Is something wrong?” Jongdae just shakes his head no and says that he’s got a lunch date as he laughs nervously.
Up close, Joonmyun observes that Jongdae has day old stubble on his chin and above his lip. His eye circles look a little darker today and he has a coffee stain on his shirt. A lunch date? He doesn’t press further, though, and lets Jongdae off for lunch, looking at his retreating figure as he stumbles out the office.
Jongdae returns from lunch looking worse for wear, pieces of his hair out of place and the area around his eyes red and swollen. A question tugs at Joonmyun’s lips but he thinks that it’s better for him to not question it. Jongdae’s a grown man and it’s his life. Joonmyun should trust Jongdae with himself a bit more.
The atmosphere in the Joonmyun’s office is a little dim and tries to joke about the colour of Baekhyun’s tie with Jongdae.
“It’s mustard-yellow! It’s fashionable!” Joonmyun attempts to imitate Baekhyun. Jongdae smiles slightly at him, albeit a little frayed at the edges. Just then, Joonmyun’s intercom beeps and Joonmyun clicks on a button.
“I hear you, Mr. Kim. That’s not quite it,” Baekhyun drawls over the intercom.
Jongdae starts laughing. Bright chortling laughter filling up the office as Joonmyun flushes and releases the button. It’s fine, though, because Jongdae’s laughing again and the office already seems so much brighter. Joonmyun sends Jongdae a look that quiets him down, but he continues giggling anyway. And Joonmyun, who continues smiling at Jongdae, thinks that maybe everything’s fine, afterall.
✿✿✿
They revert back to their usual routine. The iced coffee, post-its, lunch breaks and minor flirting on Jongdae’s part. The weeks past and it’s like Joonmyun’s never screwed things up in the first place.
✿✿✿
Jongdae sets the iced Americano down the pink coaster, and then places a neon green post-it beside it, pressing down on its edges so that it sticks to Joonmyun’s desk.
“May I please be released at 4 today, bossman? :(“ Sad face and everything.
Joonmyun looks up. “Why?” he asks.
“It’s important, but I can’t really say...” Jongdae trails off and shrugs. “You can dock my pay if you want, it doesn’t matter. But I really need to go off 4 p.m. sharp today,” he finishes.
“I wasn’t going to not let you go off anyway. But you should know that you can always come to me if you’re having any problems, right?” Joonmyun makes sure to say sternly to Jongdae. Jongdae’s eyes soften, and he sort of looks... guilty?
“I know, bossman. Thank you.”
Joonmyun is ready this time. Jongdae is keeping secrets and he wants to know what’s going on. He knows he shouldn’t be doing this, but if Jongdae won’t speak to him about it then this is the only thing that he can do. He heads down to the car park 10 minutes before Jongdae had asked to be let off and parked his car right outside the company building. Right at 4:02 p.m., Joonmyun sees Jongdae exiting the building before flagging down a cab. It’s curious because Jongdae’s all about cutting on expenses and saving money, always taking public transport and never a taxi. Joonmyun tails the vehicle that Jongdae’s in at a safe distance, which exits the international business district and out into the surrounding town area.
They pull to a stop outside a building, which Joonmyun notices is a kindergarten, as it reads on a sign outside the gates that they’ve just drove past. Joonmyun sees Jongdae getting out of the cab from his car, his messenger bag slung messily over his shoulder, and he enters a small entrance at the side of the school building. Joonmyun parks his car in a lot and follows Jongdae into the hall, just in time to see a little girl running into Jongdae’s arms, yelling “Daddy!” as she does.
✿✿✿
Daddy? Joonmyun feels lost and light-headed.
Jongdae is holding onto the little girl’s hand. She’s pouting, tears streaming down her face. And then he does what he did to Joonmyun the other night. He draws himself down to the same height as the girl, thumbs moving to wipe the tears away and carry her up into his arms.
Joonmyun hasn’t been discovered. He overhears the adult standing next to them, a teacher, apparently, telling Jongdae that “Jimin”, she gestures to the little girl, is having stage fright and won’t change into her costume. Jongdae asks if it’s okay to bring her out for a minute but before Joonmyun can even conceal himself, Jongdae’s turned around, the girl back on the ground, her small hand in his.
Jongdae is shell-shocked. It is written all over his face. Joonmyun offers a feeble “hi” and a smile that is as weak as he feels. Jongdae recovers soon enough, and Joonmyun walks up to him. “Let’s get out of here for bit, yeah?” He holds on to Jongdae’s arm to make sure he doesn’t run off, and walks them all out of the hall.
✿✿✿
Joonmyun steps aside as Jongdae talks to his daughter, his mind still reeling. Jongdae has a child? Jongdae is a father! Holy crap! That explains why he’s always getting off work on time. He. Is. A. Father. Joonmyun’s thoughts are screaming at him. There’s a pat on his shoulder and he jumps. It’s just Jongdae.
“Please don’t pass out on me,” Jongdae jokes. And then he turns serious. “Why were you following me?”
“I’m sorry. It’s just that you were acting really weird and I wanted to know what’s going on with you. I care for you.” Joonmyun tries to defend himself. He frowns. He’s never meant to intrude on Jongdae’s privacy like that.
“And you thought that the best thing to do was to follow me?”
“It’s not like you were going to tell me anything!” Joonmyun nearly shouts, and Jongdae narrows his eyes at him. Joonmyun inhales to speak again but a tug on his pant leg makes him look down, finding himself staring into a pair of big doe eyes.
“Hello, are you daddy’s bossman?” the little girl asks. Joonmyun nods and brings himself down into a squat so that he’s at face level with her. “And you’re Jimin?” She nods, too. The long tails of the yellow ribbons on her head droop into her face and she brings a small hand up to brush it away. “Daddy says you’re the bossman. Is daddy’s bossman here to watch the show, too?”
Joonmyun looks up at Jongdae, who nods stiltedly at him. “Yes, I’m here to watch the show. Will I be seeing you on stage too?”
Jimin’s eyes are downcast. “Jimin is scared. The stage is so big and there are so many chairs. There will be many people, right? I’m scared.” She pouts and her eyes have gotten watery again. Joonmyun brings both her hands together and smooths his thumbs over the back of them.
“You are going to be so good. You’ve practiced a lot, right?” Jimin nods, a tear landing on the back of her hand. “Well then there’s no problem. Uncle bossman and your daddy will be right there watching you. We’ll sit right at that corner and you can look at us. And then uncle bossman will bring you for ice cream after. How’s that?”
“Ice cream?” Jimin looks up at him. Joonmyun smiles and wipes stray tears off her cheeks.
“Yes, ice cream. All the ice cream you can eat in the whole, wide world!” Joonmyun adds in a childish tone and gestures wildly with one hand. He brings a pinkie to Jimin. “I promise.” Jimin smiles, tiny teeth showing as she extends her little finger out for Joonmyun. Joonmyun pats her on the head before drawing himself to full height, and he smiles smugly at Jongdae. “Nailed that.”
“Yeah, no. All the ice cream in the world? You never asked for my permission,” Jongdae snarks right back at him.
Joonmyun’s feels his face fall again. “I’m really sorry, Jongdae. I really just--”
“It’s fine. Thank you for the help. I don’t think she would have agreed to this if it weren’t for you.”
Joonmyun shrugs. “What can I say, she likes me just as much as her father does.” Jongdae sends him a piercing glare and shoves Joonmyun but catches him before he actually falls.
“Daddy, come on! I need to change!” Jimin whines. Joonmyun chuckles and moves himself next to her, holding her hand and pulling her forward gently. “Let’s go, then!”
The show is about a farm, from what Joonmyun can make of it. Like he’d said to Jimin, both Jongdae and himself are seated at a corner of the front row. They watch her sing The Sun Rises in her little sunflower costume, her hair tied into two pigtails. Joonmyun is distracted by Jongdae’s side profile though. He’s mouthing the words to the song and there’s just so much fondness in his smile that Joonmyun’s heart swells, and he resists the urge to place his hand over Jongdae’s own in his lap.
The show ends, and Joonmyun insists on driving father and daughter back to Bupyeong. Jongdae gives quiet instructions along the way as Jimin sleeps in the backseat. They turn into an officetel building and Joonmyun can only gape stupidly as Jongdae thanks him after gathering Jimin up in his arms and pushing the car door shut. How is this place comfortable enough for the both of them?
He falls into bed, Doctor Mittens hot on his heels. Joonmyun smiles, thinking of the look in Jongdae’s eyes when he’d seen his daughter onstage, when he’s with his daughter, and just like that all the pieces fall together. Joonmyun berates himself for not noticing earlier. Today’s happenings boil down to one thing though, and it’s that Joonmyun’s feelings for Jongdae have changed and evolved into something stronger.
✿✿✿
Jongdae enters Joonmyun’s office the next day, bright and early with the iced Americano. He doesn’t go back to his desk like he usually does, but sits himself right infront of Joonmyun on his desk. Joonmyun places a reassuring hand on Jongdae’s thigh and looks up at him. And just like that, Jongdae tells him about Jimin.
Jongdae’s parents had passed away in a car crash two years ago. A car crash that Jongdae still blames himself for, since his father had taken his eyes off the road for a second to look at what Jongdae was trying to show him and the next thing he knew, they’d crashed into a large truck driving in the wrong lane, he’s in the hospital, and his parents are dead. Two years means Jongdae working part time at various places to afford the rent on his officetel. In his final year of high school, his grades were slipping and he still had his college entrance exams to worry about. Jongdae found Jimin in a duffel bag by the abandoned train tracks when he was making a detour walking home. It was like some kind of saving grace that’d saved him from himself. He brought the baby home and basically raised her with the help of the elderly neighbour next door. A year later, he entered college on full scholarship and finally registered the baby as a citizen, with the judge granting him rights to be the child’s father. Here he is 4 years later, getting by, raising a daughter in his officetel. Although there’s nothing fancy going on his life, even if he can’t live the lifestyle of the usual 23 year old adult, he’s satisfied.
Joonmyun’s long since moved his hands to cover Jongdae’s as he was telling the story and squeezes them for good measure.
“Okay,” Joonmyun says because Jongdae’s finished speaking and he’s blinking at Joonmyun expectantly.
“Just... okay? You don’t have anymore questions?” The expression on Jongdae’s face is unreadable and he’s wrapped his arms around himself.
“You’ve worked really hard Jongdae. You’re a hard worker and I can see that you work hard at being a great father, too. Your daughter loves you and you, Jongdae, are clearly in love with her too. That look on your face, all the love in your eyes they may as well be heart shaped. What else is there to say?” Joonmyun wants to bring a hand up to soothe Jongdae’s brow, but lets both hands fall lamely into his own lap.
“Okay,” Jongdae nods. He gets off the table, figure still hunched into himself.
“We should probably start working on this new account.” Joonmyun smiles, attempting to get back into the ease of their previous conversations.
“Yeah,” Jongdae nods, and leaves Joonmyun’s desk for his own.
Joonmyun glances over at Jongdae and their eyes meet. Joonmyun tilts his head with a smile. He’s happy to note that the one Jongdae returns actually reaches his eyes, and he gets back to work, knowing that things are okay between them.
✿✿✿
“There’s a little girl on line one saying she won’t give her name to strangers who wants to speak to her daddy,” Baekhyun pages through the intercom and Jongdae’s head shoots up in alarm. “What do I do oh my god this is the fifth call!”
“It’s okay, Baekhyun, just put her through to me,” Joonmyun replies.
“Do you have a child that I--” Baekhyun is cut off as Joonmyun switches to line one.
“Hello?” he asks tentatively.
“Hello, can I speak to my daddy please?” A voice sounds through the speaker. It is Jimin, alright.
Jongdae is in front of his desk in seconds. “Yes, daddy is here. What’s wrong? Did you get into trouble?”
“Daddy! Daddy forgot to pick me up! Mrs Lee is angry.” Jimin says, and Joonmyun can hear her pout even through the speaker.
Joonmyun presses on a button that switches it from speaker to phone and lifts the receiver up for Jongdae, just to give him a little privacy. Jongdae has both hands cradled tight against the receiver. “I-- yes. Daddy will be there. Just wait for daddy and don’t go off with anyone, okay?” He pauses. “Yes you’re the most obedient. I’ll give you two hours of TV time today. Daddy is sorry. I love you, little one.”
Jongdae turns to face Joonmyun, his face almost grey with guilt. “I’m sorry but could I just have half a day off? I totally forgot about Jimin we were so busy at work and I left Jimin in school I--”
“It’ll be fine. I’m driving you.”
Joonmyun remembers the directions from the last time he’d went there. They’re halfway to the kindergarten when he decides that he’s got to know what’s happened. Before he can open his mouth to ask, though, Jongdae speaks.
“I can see that you’re dying to ask me, bossman,” Jongdae teases him lightly. “It’s Children’s Day tomorrow. The kids only go to school for half a day on the eve of it and I forgot to pick Jimin up. How could I--” he lets out a huge sigh. “Mrs. Lee already thinks that I’m too young to bring up a kid and this just confirms it, doesn’t it? I’m not fit to be a father. I don’t. I just don’t deserve Jimin. She needs a better father. She deserves someone who can always be there for her. I’m such a bad father.” Jongdae wrings his hands in his lap, his knuckles white from the amount of force that he’s doing so.
Joonmyun lifts a hand from the steering wheel and does his best to pry Jongdae’s hands apart from each other. Firmly squeezing one of Jongdae’s freed hands, he says, “If it matters to you at all, I think you’re a great father. I’ve seen people who gave up halfway through even the simplest of tasks, but four years of this, Jongdae, I’m not so sure I could have done it myself. You’re formidable. And so strong, Jongdae. You are strong now and you can be even stronger for yourself and for Jimin. You guys only have each other.” He slows down at a red light and pulls the car to a stop. “And you have me too.” He gives Jongdae a smile which he hopes is as reassuring and firm as he feels.
The one that Jongdae returns is soft but sure, he flips his hand over to entwine his fingers with Joonmyun’s. And that’s when Joonmyun knows that he’s alright. They’re alright.
✿✿✿ END ✿✿✿
**
(This note is probably rated R)
1. The ending probably isn’t what you expected. But I feel that for Jongdae and Joonmyun to end up being together ~*~for real~*~ they would have to go through a lot more character and relationship development. Jongdae has a daughter and it’s almost too much for a bachelor like Joonmyun to embrace and accept the both of them just like that into his lives. But of course, in the imaginary continuation of this fic Jongdae and Jimin pack their things up after a year and a half and move into Joonmyun’s apartment. Jimin and Doctor Mittens become the best of friends. Jongdae gets promoted by one of Joonmyun’s bosses (yeah the entire company is huge I’ve imagined it all up in my head) and is now a public relations officer in another department. But all is well because they still get to go on lunch dates (or not go on lunch dates because some days Jongdae’d really prefer to stay in Joonmyun’s office and eat his ass or something) and they go home to a lovely daughter. All is well and the end.