Tired of giving a damn...
((Meant to follow Ratchet's confrontation with Arcee in the Nexus...))
Ratchet arrives back in the common room at Autobot HQ with the usual PINpoint flare, looking even more worse for the wear than when he left. His arrival interrupts a conversation between Communique and Prowl, who have been sitting at the monitor station and discussing the confrontation with Two and Eleven, as well as the Arcee situation, in low tones. Without much more than a glance to acknowledge the pair, Ratchet turns and heads down the hallway towards medbay. As if his mood weren't sour enough, his spark throbbing painfully in its casing, he had to come back and catch Prowl in the middle of something with Kay. Sudden, almost inexplicable feelings of jealousy only serve to fuel his foul mood.
"I would say that one of us should go speak with him, but he never wants to speak with anyone when he gets like this," Prowl sighs as soon as they've heard the medbay door slam shut. Glancing back to Kay, he frowns. "I do think it would be prudent if we cease engaging the Xavier soldiers in the Nexus, altogether unless an opportunity arises to speak with Eleven alone. Obviously, there is nothing more we can glean from them and somehow, they always manage to make us appear the fools. Surprisingly, I think the only incident that did not end in emotional disaster was Bumblebee's confrontation with Two, thanks to our small friend's ability as a walking insult machine with a massive ego of his own. But otherwise it does not matter how we present ourselves, as their way of life is the only that is correct for them and they have been programmed to believe that they cannot be rehabilitated in the least. They will constantly see our emotions as our weakness, whether we are enraged or sympathetic; our opinions and even the cold hard facts do not matter. After all, sometimes you can only save those who want to be saved. Their blinders are too firmly in place. And with Rosen feeling the need to confront you and Ratchet, we are on thin ice, indeed."
Kay nods with a low sigh, sitting back in her chair with her arms folded over his chestplate and her legs crossed. "I have to agree and that was my first encounter with anyone from Xavier. Things weren't going too poorly before Two interrupted, however. All of you have always described Eleven as being one to challenge much of what's put in front of her... Part of me wonders how long it will be before she stops being a 'submissive' and starts wondering about things again. Two may have scoffed at my viewpoint as a scientist, but life isn't so easily contained. Xavier is playing with fire and by way of natural law, something will give sooner or later."
"Life does always find a way to break free, yes. Much like the tree growing through the floor and out the roof in my quarters," Prowl agrees, then smiles slightly at the femme. "But do not get yourself too worked up over the words of Two. After all, some of the greatest minds in both Cybertronian and Earth history were mocked for their ideas. The naysayers may have laughed at the idea of a non-flat Earth, but as we all know, it is indeed round."
Though embarrassed by Prowl's flattery, Kay is able to push the feeling aside with one of surprise. "Humans believed their world to be flat? That makes no sense..."
"Some still do believe it, oddly enough, but some fear change; it sits alongside the unknown on the list of things that apparently scare many. If there is one thing the soldiers of Xavier may fear, it could be that, which is why they so vehemently deny anything but what they know."
"Back on the original subject, I think you're right and I'm willing to bet a case of energon that Optimus Prime will agree with you. We need to stay out of the way of the soldiers, if only for Eleven's safety and to honor Rosen's request. And aside from Eleven and Rosen, the only other Site Xavier inhabitant who may still prove useful is that girl Optimus Prime spoke with, Alexa."
Prowl is about to say something in response when there's a loud crash from down the hall, echoing as though something fell against a wall behind a closed door. Getting up from their chairs, Prowl and Communique head down the corridor at a run, the former dispatcher opening the medbay doors with the side console switch. Inside and off to one side where the crates of supplies are typically stacked, they find that one pile has fallen over. One red and white arm is sticking out from beneath a large box tipped up on its corner.
"Sparks, Ratchet!" Kay's exclamation is followed by swift action, both Autobots hurrying to push and lift the supply crates off the medic, who is laying on his hood underneath it all. "Ratchet, are you alright? What happened?"
"Temper...got the better of me," Ratchet growls back as he's helped to his feet, wincing as one shoulder sparks a bit. "Hit one crate, they all fell over."
"I do not believe Sari to be home at the moment," Prowl replies with a frown. "You should let Kay have a look at you."
"He's right. If the damage isn't severe, I can probably repair it," Kay agrees as they start to guide the red and white towards the nearest exam table.
"I'll be fine! It's just a minor glitch!" Ratchet retorts, though before he can get out anything else he growls in pain and shutters his optics a moment. "...alright, fine. Check it and if you can fix it, fix it. Otherwise leave it until Sari gets home."
"I can likely handle it, Ratchet. Small time repairs were my department for a long time on the Revelation," Kay assures him with a light sigh as she and Prowl help the medic onto the table. "Just lay back and let me work."
Not more than a minute into Kay's examination, however, Ratchet turns his head to glare at Prowl. "You mind?"
"Alright, alright. No need to blow a gasket over it," Prowl concedes before turning to head for the door. "I could probably use a little time in meditation now, anyway."
"I'm going to guess things went very poorly with Arcee," Kay comments as soon as the medbay doors shut in the ninjabot's wake.
"Don't wanna talk about it," Ratchet half growls back, optics narrowing. "Just fix me so I can get back to my own quarters."
"Lucky for you, I can fix you as it turns out. It will take a couple of breems, but the damage is minimal. And as for not talking about it, you should know by now that any of us are willing to listen if you need to get something off your chassis, Ratchet."
"I just don't have anything to talk about! What do you want to hear? That one of the best friends I ever had disappointed me to the point where I'm not sure I ever want to speak with her again? That I feel half guilty for her suicide attempt in the first place? It's over, it's done and don't want to deal with it anymore."
Kay frowns as she works. "That seems a bit harsh to me. I know you're upset with her, but never speaking to her again? You two were friends for a long time. I know it's not just some trifle, but still..."
"It was selfish, don't you see?" Ratchet shoots back, turning to glare at the female. "Instead of finding another physician in the Nexus or even just going home to Cybertron for care, she decided her life wasn't worth living! Life is always worth living for whatever you can get out of it! A lot of our kind died in the Great War and they had no choice. Most of them probably hoped to live as long as I have and they never got the chance! And knowing what's happened to Eleven, what those valveholes at Xavier did to her... She had a life and they stole it from her, convinced her that she's just some organic killing machine that no one will ever give a damn about, ever!"
Sighing again, Communique continues in silence for several minutes, allowing the medic to seethe quietly while she works. It's one thing to be betrayed and another to have it happen to you twice in the same orbital cycle. As she finishes up and runs her scanners to double check her repairs, however, something catches her attention. Antennae flicking like the ears of a dog, Kay traces the odd signal to what appears to be a tiny transmitter attached to Ratchet's armor where few would have noticed it with their optics, alone. Deciding it might be best not to add anything else to the slag pile that has been Ratchet's day thus far, Kay removes the transmitter and discreetly hides it away in one of her own compartments to analyze at a later time.
"Alright, that's done it," she finally announces, setting aside the tools and allowing him to sit up. "Nothing fancy, but you're fixed."
"Yeah, sure." Ratchet rotates his shoulder joint in the socket a few times and finds the repair job to be satisfactory. Frowning, he glances away a moment and mutters a low, "Thank you."
Kay arches a brow ridge and manages a small smile. "You're welcome. Now try not to spend the rest of the orbital cycle sulking in your quarters. Seeing as how you've just been my patient, those are my 'doctor's orders' for you."
As he swings his legs over the side of the table, Ratchet frowns at her and is about to offer a sarcastic retort when he shakes the urge off and shutters his optics briefly. "Listen, Kay... I'm...I'm sorry. I know you just want to help and so does Prowl, but somehow everything just always has to come crashing down all at once. I'm gettin' old and I can't handle the pressure like I used to."
Realizing it probably took a lot for him to apologize, Kay sits down on the table beside him and glances up at him with genuine concern. "You had a lot of emotional investment in both Eleven and Arcee whether or not you want to admit it. And don't try to argue with me there because I think everyone else here knows it, too. It's not wrong for you to get upset. It's just that we don't want you to hurt yourself over it all. You're an important member of this team and we need you not just as a physician and an engineer, but as a friend. Plus these young bots need someone to keep them in line so they don't get into trouble."
"Used to be I didn't care so openly. After the war ended, I told myself that if I pretended not to care quite as much, losses would be easier to take. Then I got assigned to this team of trouble makers, Arcee came back into my life and I met Eleven. Suddenly, I started caring again and now that I have, two of the ones who mattered most betrayed me into two different ways," Ratchet admits in a low voice.
"And neither of those cases were your fault. You did what you could for Arcee and everyone here tried to protect Eleven in the best ways they knew how." Taking one of his hands in hers, she rubs the back of his hand with her thumb. "You have the capacity to be one of the most compassionate bots I know, Ratchet. No one expects sunshine and roses from you every day, but don't go back to pretending you don't care. You might be able to fool some, but there will always be those of us who know you for who you really are."
Gazing down at his hand in hers, feeling her thumb brush his outer housing, Ratchet looks up at her through dim optics. "What am I, Kay? I'm not sure I know, anymore."
Feeling her spark skip a pulse as he meets her gaze, Kay looks back at him and finds herself struggling to find the words. "You're one of Cybertron's greatest physicians. You're a good, brave, caring bot who would give up his own life for another. You're an important member of Optimus' team, his second in command and a mentor to the rest. You're..." The one I was waiting for when I told Codebreaker I wasn't ready for a relationship, yet. The words echo in her mind, but fail to pass through her vocalizer. "You're...I mean..."
"Kay...?" His tone is soft, his fingers moving to interlock with hers. Searching her expression, he waits for her to speak, his relays shivering slightly and unexpectedly as he gazes into her optics.
Hardly ever at a loss for words in her career as a communications officer, she argues with herself internally. He's so close... It would be so easy to place her other hand on the side of his helm. Touch his lips with one finger. Slip her arms around his neck and slide into his lap...
"Ratchet..." Feeling her faceplate heat up, she dismisses those thoughts as quickly as she's able. Not now. It's too soon. She hasn't been back in his life that long and with what just happened with Arcee and Eleven... "You're so much stronger than you know. You say you're old, but I know you have a lot to offer, whether it's here or the Nexus or back on Cybertron. I'm just...so happy to know you again. I want you to know that."
Giving her hand a light, affectionate squeeze, Ratchet nods a little. "Thanks, Kay. I know I'm a real handful, but I guess I just really needed to hear that. Some days I need the reminder of why I'm still ticking."
Leaning down, he touches the front of his helm to hers, optics shuttering. Some part of him suddenly feels the urge to do more, but fear holds him back. He's about lost two good friends already and he can't bear to lose a third. As it is, Kay seems to have taken a strong liking to Prowl and if the martial artist is where her interest is, then...well... Nothing can be forced. At least she's here, now. And hearing her encouragement is helping him feel as though it's still worth trying to care.
Kay holds herself still as their helms touch, slowly drawing her hand from his when they finally part again, though the sensation of his fingers sliding against hers sends a shiver up her relays. "You're welcome, Ratchet. You're important to me. I just want you to be alright."
"I think I will be, given a little time," he replies with the smallest of smiles as he stands up and offers the femme a hand up. "Maybe a little recharge, too. I'm suddenly feeling absolutely wiped out."
Taking the offered hand, Communique slides off the table and regains her own feet. "Get in a stasis nap, then, if just for a couple of hours. I need to type up a report for Optimus Prime, myself, so I should probably get back out to the monitor station."
"Just don't work too hard on it. You're looking a little tired yourself."
"Feeling that way, too, but I think I'll be alright."
Leaving medbay together, the two part ways in the corridor when they reach the medic's quarters. Kay watches as Ratchet disappears into his room, shutting the door completely behind him before she continues on her way to the monitor station to get that report done.
Ratchet arrives back in the common room at Autobot HQ with the usual PINpoint flare, looking even more worse for the wear than when he left. His arrival interrupts a conversation between Communique and Prowl, who have been sitting at the monitor station and discussing the confrontation with Two and Eleven, as well as the Arcee situation, in low tones. Without much more than a glance to acknowledge the pair, Ratchet turns and heads down the hallway towards medbay. As if his mood weren't sour enough, his spark throbbing painfully in its casing, he had to come back and catch Prowl in the middle of something with Kay. Sudden, almost inexplicable feelings of jealousy only serve to fuel his foul mood.
"I would say that one of us should go speak with him, but he never wants to speak with anyone when he gets like this," Prowl sighs as soon as they've heard the medbay door slam shut. Glancing back to Kay, he frowns. "I do think it would be prudent if we cease engaging the Xavier soldiers in the Nexus, altogether unless an opportunity arises to speak with Eleven alone. Obviously, there is nothing more we can glean from them and somehow, they always manage to make us appear the fools. Surprisingly, I think the only incident that did not end in emotional disaster was Bumblebee's confrontation with Two, thanks to our small friend's ability as a walking insult machine with a massive ego of his own. But otherwise it does not matter how we present ourselves, as their way of life is the only that is correct for them and they have been programmed to believe that they cannot be rehabilitated in the least. They will constantly see our emotions as our weakness, whether we are enraged or sympathetic; our opinions and even the cold hard facts do not matter. After all, sometimes you can only save those who want to be saved. Their blinders are too firmly in place. And with Rosen feeling the need to confront you and Ratchet, we are on thin ice, indeed."
Kay nods with a low sigh, sitting back in her chair with her arms folded over his chestplate and her legs crossed. "I have to agree and that was my first encounter with anyone from Xavier. Things weren't going too poorly before Two interrupted, however. All of you have always described Eleven as being one to challenge much of what's put in front of her... Part of me wonders how long it will be before she stops being a 'submissive' and starts wondering about things again. Two may have scoffed at my viewpoint as a scientist, but life isn't so easily contained. Xavier is playing with fire and by way of natural law, something will give sooner or later."
"Life does always find a way to break free, yes. Much like the tree growing through the floor and out the roof in my quarters," Prowl agrees, then smiles slightly at the femme. "But do not get yourself too worked up over the words of Two. After all, some of the greatest minds in both Cybertronian and Earth history were mocked for their ideas. The naysayers may have laughed at the idea of a non-flat Earth, but as we all know, it is indeed round."
Though embarrassed by Prowl's flattery, Kay is able to push the feeling aside with one of surprise. "Humans believed their world to be flat? That makes no sense..."
"Some still do believe it, oddly enough, but some fear change; it sits alongside the unknown on the list of things that apparently scare many. If there is one thing the soldiers of Xavier may fear, it could be that, which is why they so vehemently deny anything but what they know."
"Back on the original subject, I think you're right and I'm willing to bet a case of energon that Optimus Prime will agree with you. We need to stay out of the way of the soldiers, if only for Eleven's safety and to honor Rosen's request. And aside from Eleven and Rosen, the only other Site Xavier inhabitant who may still prove useful is that girl Optimus Prime spoke with, Alexa."
Prowl is about to say something in response when there's a loud crash from down the hall, echoing as though something fell against a wall behind a closed door. Getting up from their chairs, Prowl and Communique head down the corridor at a run, the former dispatcher opening the medbay doors with the side console switch. Inside and off to one side where the crates of supplies are typically stacked, they find that one pile has fallen over. One red and white arm is sticking out from beneath a large box tipped up on its corner.
"Sparks, Ratchet!" Kay's exclamation is followed by swift action, both Autobots hurrying to push and lift the supply crates off the medic, who is laying on his hood underneath it all. "Ratchet, are you alright? What happened?"
"Temper...got the better of me," Ratchet growls back as he's helped to his feet, wincing as one shoulder sparks a bit. "Hit one crate, they all fell over."
"I do not believe Sari to be home at the moment," Prowl replies with a frown. "You should let Kay have a look at you."
"He's right. If the damage isn't severe, I can probably repair it," Kay agrees as they start to guide the red and white towards the nearest exam table.
"I'll be fine! It's just a minor glitch!" Ratchet retorts, though before he can get out anything else he growls in pain and shutters his optics a moment. "...alright, fine. Check it and if you can fix it, fix it. Otherwise leave it until Sari gets home."
"I can likely handle it, Ratchet. Small time repairs were my department for a long time on the Revelation," Kay assures him with a light sigh as she and Prowl help the medic onto the table. "Just lay back and let me work."
Not more than a minute into Kay's examination, however, Ratchet turns his head to glare at Prowl. "You mind?"
"Alright, alright. No need to blow a gasket over it," Prowl concedes before turning to head for the door. "I could probably use a little time in meditation now, anyway."
"I'm going to guess things went very poorly with Arcee," Kay comments as soon as the medbay doors shut in the ninjabot's wake.
"Don't wanna talk about it," Ratchet half growls back, optics narrowing. "Just fix me so I can get back to my own quarters."
"Lucky for you, I can fix you as it turns out. It will take a couple of breems, but the damage is minimal. And as for not talking about it, you should know by now that any of us are willing to listen if you need to get something off your chassis, Ratchet."
"I just don't have anything to talk about! What do you want to hear? That one of the best friends I ever had disappointed me to the point where I'm not sure I ever want to speak with her again? That I feel half guilty for her suicide attempt in the first place? It's over, it's done and don't want to deal with it anymore."
Kay frowns as she works. "That seems a bit harsh to me. I know you're upset with her, but never speaking to her again? You two were friends for a long time. I know it's not just some trifle, but still..."
"It was selfish, don't you see?" Ratchet shoots back, turning to glare at the female. "Instead of finding another physician in the Nexus or even just going home to Cybertron for care, she decided her life wasn't worth living! Life is always worth living for whatever you can get out of it! A lot of our kind died in the Great War and they had no choice. Most of them probably hoped to live as long as I have and they never got the chance! And knowing what's happened to Eleven, what those valveholes at Xavier did to her... She had a life and they stole it from her, convinced her that she's just some organic killing machine that no one will ever give a damn about, ever!"
Sighing again, Communique continues in silence for several minutes, allowing the medic to seethe quietly while she works. It's one thing to be betrayed and another to have it happen to you twice in the same orbital cycle. As she finishes up and runs her scanners to double check her repairs, however, something catches her attention. Antennae flicking like the ears of a dog, Kay traces the odd signal to what appears to be a tiny transmitter attached to Ratchet's armor where few would have noticed it with their optics, alone. Deciding it might be best not to add anything else to the slag pile that has been Ratchet's day thus far, Kay removes the transmitter and discreetly hides it away in one of her own compartments to analyze at a later time.
"Alright, that's done it," she finally announces, setting aside the tools and allowing him to sit up. "Nothing fancy, but you're fixed."
"Yeah, sure." Ratchet rotates his shoulder joint in the socket a few times and finds the repair job to be satisfactory. Frowning, he glances away a moment and mutters a low, "Thank you."
Kay arches a brow ridge and manages a small smile. "You're welcome. Now try not to spend the rest of the orbital cycle sulking in your quarters. Seeing as how you've just been my patient, those are my 'doctor's orders' for you."
As he swings his legs over the side of the table, Ratchet frowns at her and is about to offer a sarcastic retort when he shakes the urge off and shutters his optics briefly. "Listen, Kay... I'm...I'm sorry. I know you just want to help and so does Prowl, but somehow everything just always has to come crashing down all at once. I'm gettin' old and I can't handle the pressure like I used to."
Realizing it probably took a lot for him to apologize, Kay sits down on the table beside him and glances up at him with genuine concern. "You had a lot of emotional investment in both Eleven and Arcee whether or not you want to admit it. And don't try to argue with me there because I think everyone else here knows it, too. It's not wrong for you to get upset. It's just that we don't want you to hurt yourself over it all. You're an important member of this team and we need you not just as a physician and an engineer, but as a friend. Plus these young bots need someone to keep them in line so they don't get into trouble."
"Used to be I didn't care so openly. After the war ended, I told myself that if I pretended not to care quite as much, losses would be easier to take. Then I got assigned to this team of trouble makers, Arcee came back into my life and I met Eleven. Suddenly, I started caring again and now that I have, two of the ones who mattered most betrayed me into two different ways," Ratchet admits in a low voice.
"And neither of those cases were your fault. You did what you could for Arcee and everyone here tried to protect Eleven in the best ways they knew how." Taking one of his hands in hers, she rubs the back of his hand with her thumb. "You have the capacity to be one of the most compassionate bots I know, Ratchet. No one expects sunshine and roses from you every day, but don't go back to pretending you don't care. You might be able to fool some, but there will always be those of us who know you for who you really are."
Gazing down at his hand in hers, feeling her thumb brush his outer housing, Ratchet looks up at her through dim optics. "What am I, Kay? I'm not sure I know, anymore."
Feeling her spark skip a pulse as he meets her gaze, Kay looks back at him and finds herself struggling to find the words. "You're one of Cybertron's greatest physicians. You're a good, brave, caring bot who would give up his own life for another. You're an important member of Optimus' team, his second in command and a mentor to the rest. You're..." The one I was waiting for when I told Codebreaker I wasn't ready for a relationship, yet. The words echo in her mind, but fail to pass through her vocalizer. "You're...I mean..."
"Kay...?" His tone is soft, his fingers moving to interlock with hers. Searching her expression, he waits for her to speak, his relays shivering slightly and unexpectedly as he gazes into her optics.
Hardly ever at a loss for words in her career as a communications officer, she argues with herself internally. He's so close... It would be so easy to place her other hand on the side of his helm. Touch his lips with one finger. Slip her arms around his neck and slide into his lap...
"Ratchet..." Feeling her faceplate heat up, she dismisses those thoughts as quickly as she's able. Not now. It's too soon. She hasn't been back in his life that long and with what just happened with Arcee and Eleven... "You're so much stronger than you know. You say you're old, but I know you have a lot to offer, whether it's here or the Nexus or back on Cybertron. I'm just...so happy to know you again. I want you to know that."
Giving her hand a light, affectionate squeeze, Ratchet nods a little. "Thanks, Kay. I know I'm a real handful, but I guess I just really needed to hear that. Some days I need the reminder of why I'm still ticking."
Leaning down, he touches the front of his helm to hers, optics shuttering. Some part of him suddenly feels the urge to do more, but fear holds him back. He's about lost two good friends already and he can't bear to lose a third. As it is, Kay seems to have taken a strong liking to Prowl and if the martial artist is where her interest is, then...well... Nothing can be forced. At least she's here, now. And hearing her encouragement is helping him feel as though it's still worth trying to care.
Kay holds herself still as their helms touch, slowly drawing her hand from his when they finally part again, though the sensation of his fingers sliding against hers sends a shiver up her relays. "You're welcome, Ratchet. You're important to me. I just want you to be alright."
"I think I will be, given a little time," he replies with the smallest of smiles as he stands up and offers the femme a hand up. "Maybe a little recharge, too. I'm suddenly feeling absolutely wiped out."
Taking the offered hand, Communique slides off the table and regains her own feet. "Get in a stasis nap, then, if just for a couple of hours. I need to type up a report for Optimus Prime, myself, so I should probably get back out to the monitor station."
"Just don't work too hard on it. You're looking a little tired yourself."
"Feeling that way, too, but I think I'll be alright."
Leaving medbay together, the two part ways in the corridor when they reach the medic's quarters. Kay watches as Ratchet disappears into his room, shutting the door completely behind him before she continues on her way to the monitor station to get that report done.