How James Potter Wore Lily Evans Down: Chapter Three
Title: How James Potter Wore Lily Evans Down (3/?)
Author: Cristofle (Liz)
Characters: James/Lily in the Marauder era; ensemble friendly for that time. Will include Sirius, Lupin, Wormtail, and Snape among others, including future Death Eaters as well as Order members.
Summary: " She really should’ve become friends with him ages ago- he was infinitely easier to handle this way." Right as Lily and James form a bonafide friendship, a catastrophic roadblock in the form of Severus Snape appears.
Spoilers: This chapter has specific spoilers for Deathly Hallows.
Disclaimer: If I owned anything, Dobby would be a LIVING free elf. I own nothing, JKR is queen and owns all things Harry Potter related.
Author’s Note: Told you that'd be fast! I’ll put most of this at the end, but an explanation for Peter’s absence: I don’t care if it’s not canon, I refuse to believe his cowardly ass got sorted into Gryffindor, lol. He’s somewhere in Hufflepuff in my world (even though he really belongs in Slytherin, but I know James and Sirius never would have befriended him).
The Stag and the Doe
“This class is complete rubbish.”
Lily attempted to give James a chastising look, but she both had to concede he had a point and appreciate that he at least said it quietly enough so only she would hear it, when previously he would have said it so loudly Professor Dumbledore could have heard it up in his office. “Could be worse,” she whispered.
“What, it could be last year’s teacher?” he shot back under his breath, and this time she had to choke back a laugh. Their Defense Against The Dark Arts teachers, if not particularly useful, were always memorable. This year’s might be a tiny woman only somewhat larger and much older than Flitwick who appeared to be losing her memory and couldn’t remember what she’d lectured about from any given minute to the next, but last year’s was a somewhat terrifying man who spit an impressive distance every time he talked and warned them about creatures Lily was fairly certain didn’t actually exist.
Even more bizarre than last year’s class lessons, however, was the fact that she and James were beginning to behave as friends in THIS year’s class lessons. She and James didn’t sit together every day, but they generally ended up at the same table at least once a week. She either was becoming immune to his antics or he’d toned them down in the hopes of staying on her good side- he flicked the occasional note or bewitched drawing to Sirius or Remus when he should have been taking notes, but he wasn’t hexing anyone who annoyed him that she saw. And his new behavior didn’t stop there- he was obediently settling down in the common room when she told him she needed to study, he’d helped her gather flobberworms without a word about being a wet blanket, and he’d even given her the last piece of his prized treacle tart at supper the night before. She really should’ve become friends with him ages ago- he was infinitely easier to handle this way.
“Mr. Poppins?”
Lily really had to choke back a giggle as James continued doodling a Snitch on a piece of scrap parchment, clearly completely unaware that Professor Kertin was addressing him by that name. Sirius wasn’t so composed- he let out a bark of laughter before turning around from the seat in front of James and flicking him on the forehead.
“Oy. Prongs. She’s talking to you.”
James jerked in his seat. “What? Yes?” he said hastily, sitting up a little straighter.
Professor Kertin smiled her usual bland smile. “I was wondering if you could perform a Pagrontin Charm for us?”
James blinked. “A what now?” Remus lost it this time; sitting on Lily’s other side, he put his hand over his mouth to cover a laugh.
“I think she means Patronus Charm,” Lily whispered.
James squinted at the bizarre illustrations on the board. “THAT’S what that’s supposed to indicate?” he protested, not troubling to keep his voice low.
Lily silently thanked Merlin that Professor Kertin appeared to be partially deaf as Sirius broke out laughing again. “Reading between the lines of the lecture, I’d say yes,” she confirmed quietly.
James shrugged and got up, pulling out his wand as he did so. “Anywhere in particular?” he asked the professor politely.
“I’m fine, thanks,” she responded a little distantly. Remus had both hands over his face at this point. James rolled his eyes and pointed his wand at the far wall. She saw him flick his gaze to her before declaring the incantation. “EXPECTO PATRONUM!”
She barely concealed a gasp as a dazzling, enormous silver animal burst from his wand. She’d never seen a Patronus so large or so clear. It charged at the far wall, but cantered more slowly back towards James, and she realized what it was right as James stretched his hand out to it, as if greeting a close friend, and it dissolved. It was a stag.
Prongs.
The class broke into spontaneous applause; even Professor Kertin appeared to be impressed. “Well done, Poppins,” she said, patting him on the back from the little stool she was standing on.
“And thank YOU, Professor Kibble,” he responded, bowing slightly to her. Lily couldn’t help it; when the professor appeared not to notice James had said anything out of the ordinary, she burst into silent giggles.
“Your Patronus is so pretty,” she had to admit to James as they walked out of the class when it was over.
“It’s not PRETTY,” James protested in mock offense. “It’s very…masculine and intimidating.”
“Oh, come on, Poppins,” she teased. Sirius, walking slightly behind her, let out another bark of laughter. He’d been somewhat kinder to her in recent weeks- he was never exactly MEAN to her, but he’d always seemingly considered her to be silly and unimportant. She had a feeling James, who’d likely never kept a secret from Sirius for more than three hours, had told him she knew about Remus and had sworn to keep quiet. “It’s lovely and silver and gorgeous.”
“They’re all silver!” James laughed as Remus caught up to him on his other side.
“I can produce a corporal one as well,” Sirius bragged. “Get at least an Outstanding on my NEWTS, I expect.”
Lily rolled her eyes. Always ‘at least’ an Outstanding with Sirius. “Sirius, that’s the highest possible grade. You know that they don’t make a new one up specifically for your brilliance.”
“They should,” Sirius said breezily even as James grinned appreciatively at her for her sassing.
It was at that moment, when Lily realized belatedly what a member of the pack she must look like coming down the hall joking and laughing with the three boys, that Severus passed them the other way.
The look he gave them was so chilling that she felt shivers go down her spine.
She glanced at James when Severus passed them and realized with a slight jolt that the look had even disconcerted him, it was so menacing. “He looks like he’s going to kill someone,” he muttered. “And I’m not really exaggerating.”
“I don’t think I’d start anything with him, Prongs,” Remus said softly, looking thoroughly unsettled.
“I’m not!” James protested. “He’s gone now without a scratch on him, isn’t he?” But Lily couldn’t help noticing the slight darkening in James’s hazel eyes.
“Expecto Patronum!”
Lily sighed as once again, all she was able to produce was a large silvery white shadow. “I don’t know why I can’t get this,” she said unhappily.
“You’re practicing in our dorm room and you’re irritating me and I’m sending negative vibes your way?” Mary suggested grumpily from her spot on her bed.
“I HATE not being able to get a spell down,” Lily complained, ignoring her. “James can do it; why can’t I?”
“Lily, you got all Outstanding O.W.L.s,” Marlene yawned. “You’ll be fine. You’ll get it in time.”
“And you seem awfully interested in what dear JAMES is doing nowadays,” Mary teased, propping herself up on her elbows and emphasizing Lily’s use of James’s first name. Lily chose not to respond to that. Still, as Mary said his name, an image popped into her mind, unbidden, of James laughing in class. Her lips curved and her stomach flipped in an altogether wonderful way.
“Expecto Patronum!”
Mary gasped and Marlene threw herself back, almost toppling over, as a beautiful silver animal came soaring out of Lily’s wand. Lily was stunned herself; her fingers trembled as she reached out to it.
It was a doe.
The stag and the doe.
What did that say about the two of them?
Before Lily could even begin to process it all, Alice came bursting into the room, gasping for breath. The doe vanished as Lily whirled around, startled. “Alice, what’s wrong?” she asked, blinking at Alice’s disheveled appearance.
“It’s terrible,” Alice gasped, putting a hand to her chest. “James…Severus…huge fight…blood…”
Lily’s stomach jolted with horror this time and she pushed past Alice, flying down the stairs. All her warm thoughts vanished in a state of pure rage.
James hadn’t changed at all. All his charm and wit and defense of children…and still, he attacked Severus with the slightest provocation. Severus had just GLARED at them in the hallway, she fumed to herself.
“Potter!” she snapped as she saw James’s untidy hair, even messier than usual, from the back as he sat on the couch with Remus and Sirius kneeling in front of him. Probably did himself after his little duel, she thought with contempt. “What the hell do you think you’re playing at? You’re not different at all! I’m such an idiot; you’re the same bullying prat who always…”
Her words failed on a choking gasp as she rounded the couch.
James was chalk white, covered in blood that was clearly his.
Even as she put her hands over her mouth in horror, even though James looked like he was about to pass out, his eyes were hard and cold as ice as he glared up at her. “Your sweet little friend is amusing, isn’t he?” he bit out, struggling to his feet- Remus made a sound of alarm and grabbed his arm, but he shrugged him off. “Such an innocent, fluffy little lamb. It’s such a crime that big bad James Potter and Sirius Black pick on him- he would never do anything to them. Well, not that you care and not that you’ll believe me, but I didn’t start this!” he snarled; Lily jumped back.
“Lily, he’s telling the truth,” Remus croaked, still staring at the blood spattering James. “Severus…he said something…awful about the Orwings…anyone would be mad.”
“Oh, don’t bother, Moony,” James said harshly. “Evans here will believe what she wants to believe about her darling little Death Eater to be. No matter that he calls her Mudblood, no matter that she’s seen him perform the curse he used on me- oh, yes!” he snapped as she blinked in shock. “Remember, that day that you defended your best friend? Remember the gash across my face? The curse barely grazed me- Sectumsempra, it’s a specialty of his. It could kill someone. I’d already jinxed him or he might have killed me, either time. But hey! You were right. I hexed him for the hell of it that day, just because I was bored. I was arrogant and full of myself and I hexed him for fun when he hadn’t done anything on that particular day. That’s clearly a sin worth dying for.”
Lily let out a horrified gasp at the word ‘dying’ and speech came to her at last. “James…don’t say that…you know I don’t…”
“I don’t know anything, other than you’ll think the worst of me no matter what I do,” James said bitterly, but the words had less bite- he was fading fast. He stumbled a little as he moved to go past her, and Lily realized in shock that he was heading for the boys’ dorms.
“James!” she protested, horrified. “You’ve lost so much blood, you need to go to the hospital wing.”
“I pulled my wand first!” he snapped, turning around and almost falling again- Sirius grabbed him by the waist, he appeared not to notice this time. “That’s right, I did. He mocked the deaths of my friends, and my parents’ friends, and I pulled my wand first. I was thinking about how my mother cried herself to sleep for a month and my father wanders around the house, shocked with grief, and how I taught their daughter how to use a broomstick, and how dear old Snivelly thinks the fact that they were slaughtered is amusing. And so I pulled my wand first. Are you happy now?” Even as he spoke, his eyes slid out of focus somewhat. “Sirius,” he muttered, leaning heavily on his friend and using his given name like he did so rarely.
“I’ve got you,” Sirius assured him. “I’ll take care of him,” he added as Lily weakly started to protest again. “I’m pretty good at handling some curses, and this was only half effective.” He wasn’t as cruel as Lily knew he could be, but his words were much colder than they’d been to her in weeks, out of obvious loyalty to his friend. Lily could only watch, still rooted to the spot, as Sirius and James made their way up the stairs. She found her voice when Remus moved to follow them, seemingly dazed with horror.
“Remus,” she said pleadingly, and he turned back. “Please…I’ll be down here…please come tell me he’s alright.”
Remus softened somewhat and patted her on the arm. He looked more ill and pale than Lily had ever seen him approaching a full moon, and the full moon wasn’t even close on this night. “I will,” he quietly agreed nonetheless, and followed his friends up the stairs.
Lily turned around and saw the couch and carpet stained with blood. She swallowed hard and pointed her wand at the spots, but her hand was shaking too much.
“Scourgify.” The quiet words came from behind her and the blood vanished; Lily turned around to see Mary. Her legs had supported her for as long as they could- she sank down on the couch and buried her face in her hands.
It was more than four hours later, and the common room had emptied out. A house elf had timidly scurried around her to re-light the fire about a half hour ago; Lily had barely noticed. But at the sound of footsteps coming from the male dormitories, she whirled around. “How is he?” she asked breathlessly as Remus came down the stairs.
Remus smiled faintly at her as he came to sit down next to her, looking exhausted. “He’ll be alright. Sirius cleaned up the worst of the damage and he’s sleeping now. Tomorrow they can go down to the hospital wing, tell Madam Pomfrey that they made a mistake practicing for Defense Against The Dark Arts…she should be able to clear up the rest, the scar and all. It wouldn’t be able to be healed if it had been fully effective, but James hexed him first, so…”
The scar. “What in the name of Merlin was Severus thinking?” she muttered, burying her face in her hands. “Even if he doesn’t…” she couldn’t bring herself to believe her old friend wouldn’t care that he’d committed murder. “If he seriously injured James…or worse…he would get expelled, they’d snap his wand, he could be sent to Azkaban! He’s the one who TOLD me about Azkaban, back when we were children. Even now, he’s lucky James seems to think the fact that he drew his wand first matters- I doubt Professor Dumbledore would see it that way, with a curse so full of Dark Magic. What could he possibly have been thinking?”
Remus paused for a long moment. “He hates James, Lily. Maybe some of it’s justified and maybe it’s not, I don’t know. But he truly hates James. He lost complete control; he was so enraged, I’m not sure he knew exactly what he was doing. I don’t know what he thought James would do when he started taunting him about the Orwings, but you know James. When he wants to, you don’t even see him move before he’s got his wand out and using it on you. He was already furious and then James got the better of him again and he just…snapped.”
“I’ve seen him get like that,” Lily admitted dully, staring at the floor and remembering Severus’s bitter tirade the year before, how he was so out of control that he came close to forbidding her to go anywhere near James. “I feel terrible; I didn’t even stop to ask questions before tearing into James. He must hate me.” The words actually hurt coming out, and she wondered with a dull thud if it had ever hurt him when she used to insult him. “Severus used to be my friend,” she said almost pleadingly as she turned to Remus again, as if imploring him to understand. “We’ve known each other since we were children, before we came here. He explained to me what I was, all about this world, assured me I’d be alright even though I don’t come from magical parents. He used to be different…well, around me, at any rate. And I think he feels…betrayed, that I would soften towards James and not him. He was…raised…” she couldn’t bring herself to reveal any of Severus’s childhood secrets, even now. “I don’t think he fully understands the line I see between him and James, between the things they do.” She ran her hands over her face. “He has his reasons for the way he is.”
“I imagine he does,” Remus conceded, not unkindly. Oddly enough, even though she’d been asking for it, his understanding made her feel even worse. “And I know James used to provoke him. I know James behaved badly, although I never did anything to stop him,” he admitted, this time clearly blaming himself. “I know James is somewhat spoiled in the way an only child with wealthy parents who worship him can be,” he said ruefully. “And he’s good at everything even if he hardly tries and it all can go to his head…but he would never curse to kill. He would never think poorly of someone for…not coming from the best places.” Lily knew Remus was thinking that James had not judged him for being a werewolf. “There’s arrogant and then there’s deadly, and Severus is crossing a line.”
“Yes,” Lily admitted unhappily, aching for the friend she’d lost even as she silently raged at the person he was becoming. “He is.” She ran her hands through her long, deep red hair. “James is changing too, and I completely pushed all that aside.”
“James is changing,” Remus agreed, kindly ignoring her self recrimination. “It started with the Orwings, I think. Their deaths really shook him; he’s determined to bring people like that down, to protect those that people like that would try to hurt.”
“Like little Charity,” Lily whispered.
“Like her,” Remus confirmed. “I think it’s hard to feel arrogant and careless and sheltered when your friends are murdered. He’s also so delighted that you’re softening towards him that he doesn’t know what to do with himself,” he added in a lighter tone, but those words hurt Lily most of all.
“Somehow, I don’t expect to be on the receiving end of those warm and fuzzy feelings anymore,” she mumbled unhappily to her lap.
“James could never stay mad at you for long,” Remus tried to assure her, patting her a little helplessly on the shoulder.
Lily remembered the icy cold glare James had been aiming her way earlier. And somehow, she wasn’t so sure Remus was right.
Author’s Note: Snape! I’m not defending James’s truly bad behavior in the OotP flashback. And I felt as sorry for Snape in his smock shirt (I don't know why that made me so sad, but dang. The poor kid, lol) with his hopeless crush as anyone reading DH. Still, I can’t believe that Snape, who so clearly was out of control in his rage towards James while talking to Lily in DH (and also shown in his insane grudge towards Harry so many years later- Snape does not play fair when he dislikes someone), was innocent in the James/Snape war (and I figured Snape had tried to use Sectumsempra on James given the way his face was cut open in OotP, which let’s face it, is an extreme reaction). Also, Snape DID in fact become a Death Eater after Lily cut him off- clearly, he went further into a down spiral. I’m interested in what must have happened after Lily cut him off, before they left school. Snape must have been enraged when Lily started dating James.
On another note, this is not the last we'll see of the idea of the stag and the doe, just a taste. That was my FAVORITE DH nod to James/Lily shippers.
Author: Cristofle (Liz)
Characters: James/Lily in the Marauder era; ensemble friendly for that time. Will include Sirius, Lupin, Wormtail, and Snape among others, including future Death Eaters as well as Order members.
Summary: " She really should’ve become friends with him ages ago- he was infinitely easier to handle this way." Right as Lily and James form a bonafide friendship, a catastrophic roadblock in the form of Severus Snape appears.
Spoilers: This chapter has specific spoilers for Deathly Hallows.
Disclaimer: If I owned anything, Dobby would be a LIVING free elf. I own nothing, JKR is queen and owns all things Harry Potter related.
Author’s Note: Told you that'd be fast! I’ll put most of this at the end, but an explanation for Peter’s absence: I don’t care if it’s not canon, I refuse to believe his cowardly ass got sorted into Gryffindor, lol. He’s somewhere in Hufflepuff in my world (even though he really belongs in Slytherin, but I know James and Sirius never would have befriended him).
The Stag and the Doe
“This class is complete rubbish.”
Lily attempted to give James a chastising look, but she both had to concede he had a point and appreciate that he at least said it quietly enough so only she would hear it, when previously he would have said it so loudly Professor Dumbledore could have heard it up in his office. “Could be worse,” she whispered.
“What, it could be last year’s teacher?” he shot back under his breath, and this time she had to choke back a laugh. Their Defense Against The Dark Arts teachers, if not particularly useful, were always memorable. This year’s might be a tiny woman only somewhat larger and much older than Flitwick who appeared to be losing her memory and couldn’t remember what she’d lectured about from any given minute to the next, but last year’s was a somewhat terrifying man who spit an impressive distance every time he talked and warned them about creatures Lily was fairly certain didn’t actually exist.
Even more bizarre than last year’s class lessons, however, was the fact that she and James were beginning to behave as friends in THIS year’s class lessons. She and James didn’t sit together every day, but they generally ended up at the same table at least once a week. She either was becoming immune to his antics or he’d toned them down in the hopes of staying on her good side- he flicked the occasional note or bewitched drawing to Sirius or Remus when he should have been taking notes, but he wasn’t hexing anyone who annoyed him that she saw. And his new behavior didn’t stop there- he was obediently settling down in the common room when she told him she needed to study, he’d helped her gather flobberworms without a word about being a wet blanket, and he’d even given her the last piece of his prized treacle tart at supper the night before. She really should’ve become friends with him ages ago- he was infinitely easier to handle this way.
“Mr. Poppins?”
Lily really had to choke back a giggle as James continued doodling a Snitch on a piece of scrap parchment, clearly completely unaware that Professor Kertin was addressing him by that name. Sirius wasn’t so composed- he let out a bark of laughter before turning around from the seat in front of James and flicking him on the forehead.
“Oy. Prongs. She’s talking to you.”
James jerked in his seat. “What? Yes?” he said hastily, sitting up a little straighter.
Professor Kertin smiled her usual bland smile. “I was wondering if you could perform a Pagrontin Charm for us?”
James blinked. “A what now?” Remus lost it this time; sitting on Lily’s other side, he put his hand over his mouth to cover a laugh.
“I think she means Patronus Charm,” Lily whispered.
James squinted at the bizarre illustrations on the board. “THAT’S what that’s supposed to indicate?” he protested, not troubling to keep his voice low.
Lily silently thanked Merlin that Professor Kertin appeared to be partially deaf as Sirius broke out laughing again. “Reading between the lines of the lecture, I’d say yes,” she confirmed quietly.
James shrugged and got up, pulling out his wand as he did so. “Anywhere in particular?” he asked the professor politely.
“I’m fine, thanks,” she responded a little distantly. Remus had both hands over his face at this point. James rolled his eyes and pointed his wand at the far wall. She saw him flick his gaze to her before declaring the incantation. “EXPECTO PATRONUM!”
She barely concealed a gasp as a dazzling, enormous silver animal burst from his wand. She’d never seen a Patronus so large or so clear. It charged at the far wall, but cantered more slowly back towards James, and she realized what it was right as James stretched his hand out to it, as if greeting a close friend, and it dissolved. It was a stag.
Prongs.
The class broke into spontaneous applause; even Professor Kertin appeared to be impressed. “Well done, Poppins,” she said, patting him on the back from the little stool she was standing on.
“And thank YOU, Professor Kibble,” he responded, bowing slightly to her. Lily couldn’t help it; when the professor appeared not to notice James had said anything out of the ordinary, she burst into silent giggles.
“Your Patronus is so pretty,” she had to admit to James as they walked out of the class when it was over.
“It’s not PRETTY,” James protested in mock offense. “It’s very…masculine and intimidating.”
“Oh, come on, Poppins,” she teased. Sirius, walking slightly behind her, let out another bark of laughter. He’d been somewhat kinder to her in recent weeks- he was never exactly MEAN to her, but he’d always seemingly considered her to be silly and unimportant. She had a feeling James, who’d likely never kept a secret from Sirius for more than three hours, had told him she knew about Remus and had sworn to keep quiet. “It’s lovely and silver and gorgeous.”
“They’re all silver!” James laughed as Remus caught up to him on his other side.
“I can produce a corporal one as well,” Sirius bragged. “Get at least an Outstanding on my NEWTS, I expect.”
Lily rolled her eyes. Always ‘at least’ an Outstanding with Sirius. “Sirius, that’s the highest possible grade. You know that they don’t make a new one up specifically for your brilliance.”
“They should,” Sirius said breezily even as James grinned appreciatively at her for her sassing.
It was at that moment, when Lily realized belatedly what a member of the pack she must look like coming down the hall joking and laughing with the three boys, that Severus passed them the other way.
The look he gave them was so chilling that she felt shivers go down her spine.
She glanced at James when Severus passed them and realized with a slight jolt that the look had even disconcerted him, it was so menacing. “He looks like he’s going to kill someone,” he muttered. “And I’m not really exaggerating.”
“I don’t think I’d start anything with him, Prongs,” Remus said softly, looking thoroughly unsettled.
“I’m not!” James protested. “He’s gone now without a scratch on him, isn’t he?” But Lily couldn’t help noticing the slight darkening in James’s hazel eyes.
“Expecto Patronum!”
Lily sighed as once again, all she was able to produce was a large silvery white shadow. “I don’t know why I can’t get this,” she said unhappily.
“You’re practicing in our dorm room and you’re irritating me and I’m sending negative vibes your way?” Mary suggested grumpily from her spot on her bed.
“I HATE not being able to get a spell down,” Lily complained, ignoring her. “James can do it; why can’t I?”
“Lily, you got all Outstanding O.W.L.s,” Marlene yawned. “You’ll be fine. You’ll get it in time.”
“And you seem awfully interested in what dear JAMES is doing nowadays,” Mary teased, propping herself up on her elbows and emphasizing Lily’s use of James’s first name. Lily chose not to respond to that. Still, as Mary said his name, an image popped into her mind, unbidden, of James laughing in class. Her lips curved and her stomach flipped in an altogether wonderful way.
“Expecto Patronum!”
Mary gasped and Marlene threw herself back, almost toppling over, as a beautiful silver animal came soaring out of Lily’s wand. Lily was stunned herself; her fingers trembled as she reached out to it.
It was a doe.
The stag and the doe.
What did that say about the two of them?
Before Lily could even begin to process it all, Alice came bursting into the room, gasping for breath. The doe vanished as Lily whirled around, startled. “Alice, what’s wrong?” she asked, blinking at Alice’s disheveled appearance.
“It’s terrible,” Alice gasped, putting a hand to her chest. “James…Severus…huge fight…blood…”
Lily’s stomach jolted with horror this time and she pushed past Alice, flying down the stairs. All her warm thoughts vanished in a state of pure rage.
James hadn’t changed at all. All his charm and wit and defense of children…and still, he attacked Severus with the slightest provocation. Severus had just GLARED at them in the hallway, she fumed to herself.
“Potter!” she snapped as she saw James’s untidy hair, even messier than usual, from the back as he sat on the couch with Remus and Sirius kneeling in front of him. Probably did himself after his little duel, she thought with contempt. “What the hell do you think you’re playing at? You’re not different at all! I’m such an idiot; you’re the same bullying prat who always…”
Her words failed on a choking gasp as she rounded the couch.
James was chalk white, covered in blood that was clearly his.
Even as she put her hands over her mouth in horror, even though James looked like he was about to pass out, his eyes were hard and cold as ice as he glared up at her. “Your sweet little friend is amusing, isn’t he?” he bit out, struggling to his feet- Remus made a sound of alarm and grabbed his arm, but he shrugged him off. “Such an innocent, fluffy little lamb. It’s such a crime that big bad James Potter and Sirius Black pick on him- he would never do anything to them. Well, not that you care and not that you’ll believe me, but I didn’t start this!” he snarled; Lily jumped back.
“Lily, he’s telling the truth,” Remus croaked, still staring at the blood spattering James. “Severus…he said something…awful about the Orwings…anyone would be mad.”
“Oh, don’t bother, Moony,” James said harshly. “Evans here will believe what she wants to believe about her darling little Death Eater to be. No matter that he calls her Mudblood, no matter that she’s seen him perform the curse he used on me- oh, yes!” he snapped as she blinked in shock. “Remember, that day that you defended your best friend? Remember the gash across my face? The curse barely grazed me- Sectumsempra, it’s a specialty of his. It could kill someone. I’d already jinxed him or he might have killed me, either time. But hey! You were right. I hexed him for the hell of it that day, just because I was bored. I was arrogant and full of myself and I hexed him for fun when he hadn’t done anything on that particular day. That’s clearly a sin worth dying for.”
Lily let out a horrified gasp at the word ‘dying’ and speech came to her at last. “James…don’t say that…you know I don’t…”
“I don’t know anything, other than you’ll think the worst of me no matter what I do,” James said bitterly, but the words had less bite- he was fading fast. He stumbled a little as he moved to go past her, and Lily realized in shock that he was heading for the boys’ dorms.
“James!” she protested, horrified. “You’ve lost so much blood, you need to go to the hospital wing.”
“I pulled my wand first!” he snapped, turning around and almost falling again- Sirius grabbed him by the waist, he appeared not to notice this time. “That’s right, I did. He mocked the deaths of my friends, and my parents’ friends, and I pulled my wand first. I was thinking about how my mother cried herself to sleep for a month and my father wanders around the house, shocked with grief, and how I taught their daughter how to use a broomstick, and how dear old Snivelly thinks the fact that they were slaughtered is amusing. And so I pulled my wand first. Are you happy now?” Even as he spoke, his eyes slid out of focus somewhat. “Sirius,” he muttered, leaning heavily on his friend and using his given name like he did so rarely.
“I’ve got you,” Sirius assured him. “I’ll take care of him,” he added as Lily weakly started to protest again. “I’m pretty good at handling some curses, and this was only half effective.” He wasn’t as cruel as Lily knew he could be, but his words were much colder than they’d been to her in weeks, out of obvious loyalty to his friend. Lily could only watch, still rooted to the spot, as Sirius and James made their way up the stairs. She found her voice when Remus moved to follow them, seemingly dazed with horror.
“Remus,” she said pleadingly, and he turned back. “Please…I’ll be down here…please come tell me he’s alright.”
Remus softened somewhat and patted her on the arm. He looked more ill and pale than Lily had ever seen him approaching a full moon, and the full moon wasn’t even close on this night. “I will,” he quietly agreed nonetheless, and followed his friends up the stairs.
Lily turned around and saw the couch and carpet stained with blood. She swallowed hard and pointed her wand at the spots, but her hand was shaking too much.
“Scourgify.” The quiet words came from behind her and the blood vanished; Lily turned around to see Mary. Her legs had supported her for as long as they could- she sank down on the couch and buried her face in her hands.
It was more than four hours later, and the common room had emptied out. A house elf had timidly scurried around her to re-light the fire about a half hour ago; Lily had barely noticed. But at the sound of footsteps coming from the male dormitories, she whirled around. “How is he?” she asked breathlessly as Remus came down the stairs.
Remus smiled faintly at her as he came to sit down next to her, looking exhausted. “He’ll be alright. Sirius cleaned up the worst of the damage and he’s sleeping now. Tomorrow they can go down to the hospital wing, tell Madam Pomfrey that they made a mistake practicing for Defense Against The Dark Arts…she should be able to clear up the rest, the scar and all. It wouldn’t be able to be healed if it had been fully effective, but James hexed him first, so…”
The scar. “What in the name of Merlin was Severus thinking?” she muttered, burying her face in her hands. “Even if he doesn’t…” she couldn’t bring herself to believe her old friend wouldn’t care that he’d committed murder. “If he seriously injured James…or worse…he would get expelled, they’d snap his wand, he could be sent to Azkaban! He’s the one who TOLD me about Azkaban, back when we were children. Even now, he’s lucky James seems to think the fact that he drew his wand first matters- I doubt Professor Dumbledore would see it that way, with a curse so full of Dark Magic. What could he possibly have been thinking?”
Remus paused for a long moment. “He hates James, Lily. Maybe some of it’s justified and maybe it’s not, I don’t know. But he truly hates James. He lost complete control; he was so enraged, I’m not sure he knew exactly what he was doing. I don’t know what he thought James would do when he started taunting him about the Orwings, but you know James. When he wants to, you don’t even see him move before he’s got his wand out and using it on you. He was already furious and then James got the better of him again and he just…snapped.”
“I’ve seen him get like that,” Lily admitted dully, staring at the floor and remembering Severus’s bitter tirade the year before, how he was so out of control that he came close to forbidding her to go anywhere near James. “I feel terrible; I didn’t even stop to ask questions before tearing into James. He must hate me.” The words actually hurt coming out, and she wondered with a dull thud if it had ever hurt him when she used to insult him. “Severus used to be my friend,” she said almost pleadingly as she turned to Remus again, as if imploring him to understand. “We’ve known each other since we were children, before we came here. He explained to me what I was, all about this world, assured me I’d be alright even though I don’t come from magical parents. He used to be different…well, around me, at any rate. And I think he feels…betrayed, that I would soften towards James and not him. He was…raised…” she couldn’t bring herself to reveal any of Severus’s childhood secrets, even now. “I don’t think he fully understands the line I see between him and James, between the things they do.” She ran her hands over her face. “He has his reasons for the way he is.”
“I imagine he does,” Remus conceded, not unkindly. Oddly enough, even though she’d been asking for it, his understanding made her feel even worse. “And I know James used to provoke him. I know James behaved badly, although I never did anything to stop him,” he admitted, this time clearly blaming himself. “I know James is somewhat spoiled in the way an only child with wealthy parents who worship him can be,” he said ruefully. “And he’s good at everything even if he hardly tries and it all can go to his head…but he would never curse to kill. He would never think poorly of someone for…not coming from the best places.” Lily knew Remus was thinking that James had not judged him for being a werewolf. “There’s arrogant and then there’s deadly, and Severus is crossing a line.”
“Yes,” Lily admitted unhappily, aching for the friend she’d lost even as she silently raged at the person he was becoming. “He is.” She ran her hands through her long, deep red hair. “James is changing too, and I completely pushed all that aside.”
“James is changing,” Remus agreed, kindly ignoring her self recrimination. “It started with the Orwings, I think. Their deaths really shook him; he’s determined to bring people like that down, to protect those that people like that would try to hurt.”
“Like little Charity,” Lily whispered.
“Like her,” Remus confirmed. “I think it’s hard to feel arrogant and careless and sheltered when your friends are murdered. He’s also so delighted that you’re softening towards him that he doesn’t know what to do with himself,” he added in a lighter tone, but those words hurt Lily most of all.
“Somehow, I don’t expect to be on the receiving end of those warm and fuzzy feelings anymore,” she mumbled unhappily to her lap.
“James could never stay mad at you for long,” Remus tried to assure her, patting her a little helplessly on the shoulder.
Lily remembered the icy cold glare James had been aiming her way earlier. And somehow, she wasn’t so sure Remus was right.
Author’s Note: Snape! I’m not defending James’s truly bad behavior in the OotP flashback. And I felt as sorry for Snape in his smock shirt (I don't know why that made me so sad, but dang. The poor kid, lol) with his hopeless crush as anyone reading DH. Still, I can’t believe that Snape, who so clearly was out of control in his rage towards James while talking to Lily in DH (and also shown in his insane grudge towards Harry so many years later- Snape does not play fair when he dislikes someone), was innocent in the James/Snape war (and I figured Snape had tried to use Sectumsempra on James given the way his face was cut open in OotP, which let’s face it, is an extreme reaction). Also, Snape DID in fact become a Death Eater after Lily cut him off- clearly, he went further into a down spiral. I’m interested in what must have happened after Lily cut him off, before they left school. Snape must have been enraged when Lily started dating James.
On another note, this is not the last we'll see of the idea of the stag and the doe, just a taste. That was my FAVORITE DH nod to James/Lily shippers.