(no subject)
Who am I?
It's a simple question that I don't feel that I can answer, that I could ever answer. Going into job interviews and getting the, 'So, tell me about yourself,' question always has me almost stuttering. I always start with where I'm from, education, what I've majored in in school, jobs after school, why I didn't stay with them, interests, my dog.. but really, who am I?
Such an open-ended question, with no real direction of what the topic of the answer should be.. Who I was a year ago is not who I am now. Who I was 2 years ago is not who I am now.. But I want that person back so badly. That person knew right from wrong. That person wasn't afraid of much... now here I am. Sitting in my new apartment that I've lived in for almost 2 weeks. All of my things surrounding me still in their packing materials.. plastic totes, plastic bags, boxes, suitcases.. I have nothing to unpack them into. I have no cabinets to put movies, I have no dresser to put clothes. So here I sit. Things all around me.. and alone. I know there's people and friends that would be here if they could, and I appreciate that. But that doesn't really change the fact that I'm sitting here by myself. I'm always by myself when I'm home. I'm not sure if this feels like home yet.. the longer I stay, it will. But I miss Concord. I think I miss it there more than anywhere, probably because I was there the longest after college.
Every time I move, I think it hardens me a little bit more. Makes me not open up quickly to people, makes me a little darker inside. It changes who I am, I used to be full of optimism, but once I found out what my dream job was like, I died a little. I was so full of hope and inspiration.. and then one swift movement changed all of that. The difference now is that I want to be who I was. I want to be full of hope and optimism again. I want to always be happy and smiling and laughing. I want to feel like me.
I think part of the reason I don't feel like 'me' anymore is because I've gotten older. I've learned life lessons just by living through them, and sometimes I wished I hadn't. I'd rather be young and naïve then wise, old and have a hardened heart. At least when I was younger I knew right from wrong and had a strong sense of myself. Now I don't know who I am or how I've become this person.
Part of me is gone. I suspect forever. And if that's true, than my physical location needs to change. It needs to be where I most feel like I'm at home, and that I'm myself when I'm there. I just wish I knew where that was...
It's a simple question that I don't feel that I can answer, that I could ever answer. Going into job interviews and getting the, 'So, tell me about yourself,' question always has me almost stuttering. I always start with where I'm from, education, what I've majored in in school, jobs after school, why I didn't stay with them, interests, my dog.. but really, who am I?
Such an open-ended question, with no real direction of what the topic of the answer should be.. Who I was a year ago is not who I am now. Who I was 2 years ago is not who I am now.. But I want that person back so badly. That person knew right from wrong. That person wasn't afraid of much... now here I am. Sitting in my new apartment that I've lived in for almost 2 weeks. All of my things surrounding me still in their packing materials.. plastic totes, plastic bags, boxes, suitcases.. I have nothing to unpack them into. I have no cabinets to put movies, I have no dresser to put clothes. So here I sit. Things all around me.. and alone. I know there's people and friends that would be here if they could, and I appreciate that. But that doesn't really change the fact that I'm sitting here by myself. I'm always by myself when I'm home. I'm not sure if this feels like home yet.. the longer I stay, it will. But I miss Concord. I think I miss it there more than anywhere, probably because I was there the longest after college.
Every time I move, I think it hardens me a little bit more. Makes me not open up quickly to people, makes me a little darker inside. It changes who I am, I used to be full of optimism, but once I found out what my dream job was like, I died a little. I was so full of hope and inspiration.. and then one swift movement changed all of that. The difference now is that I want to be who I was. I want to be full of hope and optimism again. I want to always be happy and smiling and laughing. I want to feel like me.
I think part of the reason I don't feel like 'me' anymore is because I've gotten older. I've learned life lessons just by living through them, and sometimes I wished I hadn't. I'd rather be young and naïve then wise, old and have a hardened heart. At least when I was younger I knew right from wrong and had a strong sense of myself. Now I don't know who I am or how I've become this person.
Part of me is gone. I suspect forever. And if that's true, than my physical location needs to change. It needs to be where I most feel like I'm at home, and that I'm myself when I'm there. I just wish I knew where that was...