(no subject)
This emotional roller coaster has exhausted me. And my stomach and back have been hurting today, so I've spent more time laying on my bed than I have doing anything else today. I could honestly take a nap too. I've been awake since about 8, and actually took a shower, did my hair and all that by about 12, but here I am, laying back on my bed. Exhausted. At least I'm proud of myself for not getting back on facebook. I do check my email an awful lot now though.
Another thing though.. I'm giving up on my photography. At least for awhile. I'm probably going to be mad later on for doing this, but I don't care. What good is for me right now anyway? I feel like I suck at it, and I don't care how many people say, 'oh you're so good!' I don't need anyone to try to pump up my ego. I don't care if I'm good at it or not. I feel like I would produce a lot of bad stuff right now anyway. Even through all this ridiculous emotion, I'd rather someone else be taking pictures of me, but that's never going to happen. I look too normal, I'm not skinny enough, I don't have a big enough chest.. basically, I'm not enough of something.
I feel like I"m keeping myself prisoner. Why? Because what else am I going to do? I don't get paid till friday (i hope) and I have enough money to get some food, get some gas, and do laundry. That's it. Back to this stuff again... I'm alone again. Guess I'm not too surprised.. I should have seen this coming. No matter what I do, I'll always be alone.
I can't really unpack because I don't have furniture to unpack stuff into. My kitchen is completely unpacked, my clothes are all sitting in suitcases, and I have absolutely no motivation to do anything either. It sucks that I don't, it sucks that I'm in pain and exhausted too. I haven't eaten yet today either. Why? Because I haven't really felt like it.. I got hungry earlier, but I just don't feel like eating.. sometimes that happens.
I just wish I had friends to come over and hang out, or my dog to go walk, or just something.. I'm losing all motivation, I don't want to do things that I used to love.. I guess I'm getting depressed. I'm turning back into the person I used to be.. all this moving was bound to do that to me sooner or later. At least I have two things: a job and a home. Even if it's not much of a home, and I have to get 'certified' by the general manager before I can actually start serving, it's better than no job and no home.
I just wish my emotional state of things was better. I'm not exactly sure what to do...
Another thing though.. I'm giving up on my photography. At least for awhile. I'm probably going to be mad later on for doing this, but I don't care. What good is for me right now anyway? I feel like I suck at it, and I don't care how many people say, 'oh you're so good!' I don't need anyone to try to pump up my ego. I don't care if I'm good at it or not. I feel like I would produce a lot of bad stuff right now anyway. Even through all this ridiculous emotion, I'd rather someone else be taking pictures of me, but that's never going to happen. I look too normal, I'm not skinny enough, I don't have a big enough chest.. basically, I'm not enough of something.
I feel like I"m keeping myself prisoner. Why? Because what else am I going to do? I don't get paid till friday (i hope) and I have enough money to get some food, get some gas, and do laundry. That's it. Back to this stuff again... I'm alone again. Guess I'm not too surprised.. I should have seen this coming. No matter what I do, I'll always be alone.
I can't really unpack because I don't have furniture to unpack stuff into. My kitchen is completely unpacked, my clothes are all sitting in suitcases, and I have absolutely no motivation to do anything either. It sucks that I don't, it sucks that I'm in pain and exhausted too. I haven't eaten yet today either. Why? Because I haven't really felt like it.. I got hungry earlier, but I just don't feel like eating.. sometimes that happens.
I just wish I had friends to come over and hang out, or my dog to go walk, or just something.. I'm losing all motivation, I don't want to do things that I used to love.. I guess I'm getting depressed. I'm turning back into the person I used to be.. all this moving was bound to do that to me sooner or later. At least I have two things: a job and a home. Even if it's not much of a home, and I have to get 'certified' by the general manager before I can actually start serving, it's better than no job and no home.
I just wish my emotional state of things was better. I'm not exactly sure what to do...