(no subject)

[cristeeny]

 I made a decision, and I'm going through with it. For the last three days though, I've been so tired all day... just exhausted. I've had little motivation to leave the house, even to just leave my bed. I finally saw one of my roommates for the first time today in probably 3 weeks, and I'm ok with that. Too bad it couldn't have been longer really. So now, I'm trying to figure out where to go. I'm scared out of my mind. Am I really ready to leave the east coast? I've been in North Carolina for 2 years, am I ready to just pick up and move what I can wherever? I ended my stability, I thought I wanted a change.. well, I do want a change, and I want it now. I don't want to have to sit around for 2 months and figure out where to go and what to do. Besides, I need a job now.. who is going to hire me for 2 months?? Not that at the time of hiring they would need to know it's only 2 months.. I don't know what else to do...

I'll admit it: I'm scared. I don't know where I'm going, if I can take my dog with me, or what I'm going to do once I get there. Again. Was ending the engagement really the right thing to do? The hardest part of it for me is not knowing day-to-day things.. that's the worst. And knowing that I'm not going to have someone to text or talk to whenever I want. I know he told me I can always talk to him or whatever, but that just feels strange to me, especially a couple days after. Ugh. I wish I had something to do besides just sit here and contemplate my future.