(no subject)
I don't exactly know what I'm going to do with my life right now.
Yes, I have a job as a photographer, not in something that I'm exactly thrilled about, but it's still work and money so I'll do it. And pretend to have a passion for it. Lately, I've been reading a lot and have started this new project about blogging about the books I read. Not necessarily reviewing them, but thinking about them and writing down my thoughts about them. Partly because I can never keep them straight, and I hope to not re-read something, but partly because I was hoping to get my Master's in English and maybe instill in other people the love of reading. I also hope to help kids read better. It's such a simple thing that can mean so much. Everything in society has something to do with written words.
Back to my main point.
My life. Where is it going? I've been watching a lot of Sex and the City lately. Once you get past the shoes, the sex, the perfectly skinny actresses and listen to the dialogue, you realize it's got substance. It's cultural. It's got depth. It touches on a lot of main points that are important in society. I feel like my life is that of Carrie - minus the glamorous clothes, shoes and social gatherings. But anyway, Sex and the City has a lot of deep meaning, and I feel like the thoughts that Carrie have are the thoughts that I have. Well, in a way. I suppose that's the point of the show really, to appeal to all younger single-ish women. I remember seeing the cast on Oprah before their last season aired. And when I say "saw them on Oprah" I actually mean I was at that show and saw them.
I keep getting off topic.
What am I going to do the rest of my life? I've always had a short attention span. When I was younger I picked up interests left and right, and usually dropped them just as quick. I remember painting specifically. My parents got me acrylic paints, brushes, oil paints, boards to paint on.. nothing too expensive, but something to keep me occupied. That was decently short lived. I painted a little bit, here and there. I was always art-enthused but just never wanted to do anything long enough to become an expert at it. I think I finally "settled" on photography. Even when I just started taking pictures when I was about 8. Ever since then, it was something I did whether I did it a lot or not. And then, it was all I did. And now, it's all I'm supposed to do. Honestly? I'm sick of it. I haven't touched my cameras in two weeks, and haven't taken any pictures for just as long. I have no desire to do it. Horrible, I know. Especially since that's what my degree is in, and I had been wanting to do this for so long.. yadda yadda yadda.
This brings me to the main topic: What am I going to do with my life? I have so many things I want to accomplish but it's really hard for me to start from the beginning. I want to do so much. I'm already 25, and I feel like I've wasted so much time. At the same time though, I don't feel any older than 21 or 22. I know I want to go back and get a Master's degree. I feel like I should have done that straight after getting my BA. If I had, I might not have met Kelly. So obviously things had to land in a certain way for me to be able to do that. I was talking to my dad today and he said something about I can go to grad school after I pay off all my other student debt. Not possible. There is NO WAY I'm waiting that long. If I waited for that, I wouldn't go back for another 15 or so years. There is absolutely no way. I love school. For some strange reason. It gives me such a purpose that I haven't been able to find elsewhere. I feel like I can help people too. They always ask me questions. I wish I would have done a minor in college. Or double-majored. I feel like I've left myself right now with no other options. I hate doing that.
Something will come up. I'll have friends again, a dog, and a great family. Not that I don't have friends or a great family, but they're all so far away. My closest friend is 5 hours away. No one in my family lives closer than my sister who is 7 hours. Not that I really call her my sister anymore.. but that's a topic for another blog.
I know this topic of what I'm going to do with my life is on-going. Continuous.. just like a lot of other things. I'm kind of upset right now, but it's more because I've had very little social interaction in the last.. few months. Ever since school ended I suppose. Recently though, I just haven't wanted to do anything. Why... I'm not sure. Hopefully something will come up that my motivation will re-visit me and I'll do something. I just don't know when that'll happen.
Yes, I have a job as a photographer, not in something that I'm exactly thrilled about, but it's still work and money so I'll do it. And pretend to have a passion for it. Lately, I've been reading a lot and have started this new project about blogging about the books I read. Not necessarily reviewing them, but thinking about them and writing down my thoughts about them. Partly because I can never keep them straight, and I hope to not re-read something, but partly because I was hoping to get my Master's in English and maybe instill in other people the love of reading. I also hope to help kids read better. It's such a simple thing that can mean so much. Everything in society has something to do with written words.
Back to my main point.
My life. Where is it going? I've been watching a lot of Sex and the City lately. Once you get past the shoes, the sex, the perfectly skinny actresses and listen to the dialogue, you realize it's got substance. It's cultural. It's got depth. It touches on a lot of main points that are important in society. I feel like my life is that of Carrie - minus the glamorous clothes, shoes and social gatherings. But anyway, Sex and the City has a lot of deep meaning, and I feel like the thoughts that Carrie have are the thoughts that I have. Well, in a way. I suppose that's the point of the show really, to appeal to all younger single-ish women. I remember seeing the cast on Oprah before their last season aired. And when I say "saw them on Oprah" I actually mean I was at that show and saw them.
I keep getting off topic.
What am I going to do the rest of my life? I've always had a short attention span. When I was younger I picked up interests left and right, and usually dropped them just as quick. I remember painting specifically. My parents got me acrylic paints, brushes, oil paints, boards to paint on.. nothing too expensive, but something to keep me occupied. That was decently short lived. I painted a little bit, here and there. I was always art-enthused but just never wanted to do anything long enough to become an expert at it. I think I finally "settled" on photography. Even when I just started taking pictures when I was about 8. Ever since then, it was something I did whether I did it a lot or not. And then, it was all I did. And now, it's all I'm supposed to do. Honestly? I'm sick of it. I haven't touched my cameras in two weeks, and haven't taken any pictures for just as long. I have no desire to do it. Horrible, I know. Especially since that's what my degree is in, and I had been wanting to do this for so long.. yadda yadda yadda.
This brings me to the main topic: What am I going to do with my life? I have so many things I want to accomplish but it's really hard for me to start from the beginning. I want to do so much. I'm already 25, and I feel like I've wasted so much time. At the same time though, I don't feel any older than 21 or 22. I know I want to go back and get a Master's degree. I feel like I should have done that straight after getting my BA. If I had, I might not have met Kelly. So obviously things had to land in a certain way for me to be able to do that. I was talking to my dad today and he said something about I can go to grad school after I pay off all my other student debt. Not possible. There is NO WAY I'm waiting that long. If I waited for that, I wouldn't go back for another 15 or so years. There is absolutely no way. I love school. For some strange reason. It gives me such a purpose that I haven't been able to find elsewhere. I feel like I can help people too. They always ask me questions. I wish I would have done a minor in college. Or double-majored. I feel like I've left myself right now with no other options. I hate doing that.
Something will come up. I'll have friends again, a dog, and a great family. Not that I don't have friends or a great family, but they're all so far away. My closest friend is 5 hours away. No one in my family lives closer than my sister who is 7 hours. Not that I really call her my sister anymore.. but that's a topic for another blog.
I know this topic of what I'm going to do with my life is on-going. Continuous.. just like a lot of other things. I'm kind of upset right now, but it's more because I've had very little social interaction in the last.. few months. Ever since school ended I suppose. Recently though, I just haven't wanted to do anything. Why... I'm not sure. Hopefully something will come up that my motivation will re-visit me and I'll do something. I just don't know when that'll happen.