School Days
Today was my first official day of school for the Winter semester of 2004! I'm taking "History of Michigan." Hey, my counselor said I needed a History class, so I'm taking one. But I'm really not looking forward to this class. It sounds really boring! And the Professor...well he seems ok. I can't tell if he's really cool, or a really big jerk, but it is only the first day. He had some really funny comments though. My favorite was, "I wish I were thinner, I wish I had hair, and I wish raindrops were Beer!" Fuck yea, that's awesome!
I was talking to my mom today, and again she made me very angry! I told her that I felt like I shouldn't have dropped that Health Unit Coordinator class. She agreed with me and said I should take it another semester. I mean, I really think I am going to take it, who cares if I'm a secretary making $15 an hour for the rest of my life? That's cool with me. She also told me that a friend of the family was "disappointed in me" for not following along with the nursing road I started along. And also Paul told me he and his wife thought the same thing. I mean seriously why do people like to rub it in your face that your a failure? My mom, my grandma telling me I'm lazy (see previous journal)...Thank you so much, you see I know I'm a failure, and as much as I appreciate being reminded of it CONSTANTLY, you really don't need to do it! I feel it every morning when I wake up wondering why? I see it in the mirror every day when I look at myself and I'm already very well aware THANK YOU! I'm a 20 year old that doesn't know what she wants to do when she grows up, I'm living with my parents with no current plans of getting out, I'm working a pathetic job that isn't paying me enough, I'm working for a bitch that doesn't know the meaning of the word "kindness." I'm so excited about going to Florida, don't get me wrong, but I'm spending a lot of money that I really shouldn't be spending considering my financial situation! At the same time Florida is also holding me back from getting a job because I can't get a new job with a new vacation planned a month later! I don't know what to do?
Paul offered me a job with hiim at CVS and I mean I appreciated it so much, but I don't think that's what I want to do. I want something "real" with regular hours, no weekends....the like! But for some reason I know there isn't any way I'm going to get that. I should have NEVER quit Standard Federal, I think it was probably the worst mistake I've ever made in my entire life. I guess I really didn't get it then? There are times when I seriously think about going back and asking Bernie for my job back. But at the same time, I would rather slit my wrists than make phone calls selling shit! It's just fucking rediculous, and I don't know how Kristen honestly does it. Kristen also has a little better job than just being a "teller" and is getting paid more. I don't think I've ever felt so much like a failure in my entire life? But here I am, and there isn't a damn thing I can do about it!
I was talking to my mom today, and again she made me very angry! I told her that I felt like I shouldn't have dropped that Health Unit Coordinator class. She agreed with me and said I should take it another semester. I mean, I really think I am going to take it, who cares if I'm a secretary making $15 an hour for the rest of my life? That's cool with me. She also told me that a friend of the family was "disappointed in me" for not following along with the nursing road I started along. And also Paul told me he and his wife thought the same thing. I mean seriously why do people like to rub it in your face that your a failure? My mom, my grandma telling me I'm lazy (see previous journal)...Thank you so much, you see I know I'm a failure, and as much as I appreciate being reminded of it CONSTANTLY, you really don't need to do it! I feel it every morning when I wake up wondering why? I see it in the mirror every day when I look at myself and I'm already very well aware THANK YOU! I'm a 20 year old that doesn't know what she wants to do when she grows up, I'm living with my parents with no current plans of getting out, I'm working a pathetic job that isn't paying me enough, I'm working for a bitch that doesn't know the meaning of the word "kindness." I'm so excited about going to Florida, don't get me wrong, but I'm spending a lot of money that I really shouldn't be spending considering my financial situation! At the same time Florida is also holding me back from getting a job because I can't get a new job with a new vacation planned a month later! I don't know what to do?
Paul offered me a job with hiim at CVS and I mean I appreciated it so much, but I don't think that's what I want to do. I want something "real" with regular hours, no weekends....the like! But for some reason I know there isn't any way I'm going to get that. I should have NEVER quit Standard Federal, I think it was probably the worst mistake I've ever made in my entire life. I guess I really didn't get it then? There are times when I seriously think about going back and asking Bernie for my job back. But at the same time, I would rather slit my wrists than make phone calls selling shit! It's just fucking rediculous, and I don't know how Kristen honestly does it. Kristen also has a little better job than just being a "teller" and is getting paid more. I don't think I've ever felt so much like a failure in my entire life? But here I am, and there isn't a damn thing I can do about it!