wow

[crispykatie]

This is the most emotional time of my life so far. I feel so lost and I have no idea what I'm doing and I feel like everyone is so far away and I'm so far inside of myself. I feel like this feeling is never going to go away. I feel trapped in it. I know I have a lot to be grateful for, I just feel like something is missing and I can't put my finger

Comments

sugar that stings

[anonymous]

Katie, please please read this. I'm sorry I have to do it through the livejournal but you've shut me off, you won't answer your phone or call me back. I know you're very mad at me. what I'm about to tell you is No trivial bullshit Katie, because ME hurting YOU wasn't trivial, and don't lead your friends or more importantly YOURSELF to believe that you hurt me because it simply ISN'T true, and it isn't sentimental bullshit either, it's the truth. I wanted to apologize once again. Katie, I never meant to hurt you with that pathetic comment I said that Friday in the car, i didn't mean it and I regret saying it very very much. Since December 11th, I NEVER ever, wanted to be with anyone else but you, I told you that many times and each time it was sincere. that friday two weeks ago and that whole week I was an mentaly on the edge, I was irrational, I said what I said to scare you back into the relationship, honestly, I never meant it the way you took it. back then, I would have said anything to get you back but I realized what I said wasn't the right thing to do. please understand that.
don't stress yourself over what I'm thinking or what I feel, I'm not completely scared, uptight, or at all depressed anymore. I just can't take it that you're mad at me and shutting yourself out. you, have finaly made me understand on tuesday, as well as few other close people, some very important things about myself and about being friends, and about you, and I'm very thankful for. I'm not changing completely, but I'm making some long overdue adjustments that have already stared. I'm not changing for you, I'm changing for myself. I have to rely on myself for someone to rely on me. I know I can do it. It's time for me to grow up.
I never wanted to find someone else after you told me you weren't ready for a relationship and we broke up for the first time in your room one night, and I didn't want to run away or give up on you because I believed in you. I sure as hell won't run now and find someone either because I just simply can't do it and I still believe in you. I can't hurt anyone else again, you included. DO NOT feel sorry for yourself of feel guilty in any way. Do what you FEEL is right, now, not what you THINK or what you're told. I want so so very badly to help you out of this and be your friend again, be there for you, but I fucked up big time and I dont want to cause any more of your pain.
You haven't alieneted me at all Katie, I will be here for you if you need me, be sure of that, that's my promise. Like you've said, life has funny ways to work things out and we'll see what time has in stock. I see no point in calling you again until you've overcome this anger, guilt and sorrow because I do not wish to cause any more of it again, it's not fair to you. I won't know when that is, and when you do, and IF you want to, you have to swallow the pride and everything that came with it and call me, please. I would love to read to you again. Good Bye and I am deeply sorry. Damir