There Is No I in Free
Today was Jamie McKelvie's birthday. As usual, he spent it lamenting his fate. I thought he could use some cheering up. So here is my proposed cliffhanger final page from issue #1 of the series we absolutely will not be doing together, DIZNAUTS, about a superhero team consisting of Disney characters, both original and acquired properties, from all periods of the company's history. In the debut issue, the team consists of Mickey Mouse, Snow White, Tinkerbell, Woody from Toy Story, and most-recently-acquired Spider-Man. I sure hope it's not too complicated for him.
Diznauts #1: "There Is No I in Free"
PAGE 22
Panel 1
MICKEY, still optimistic in the face of ultimate chaos and CRASHING WATER all around, is holding the CRYPTOPORTICON, trying to keep it closed but to no avail. It is shifting and writhing in FOUR-DIMENSIONAL BOILING SPACETIME in his hands, its multiversal power making his modern data color form and his original Steamboat Willie manifestation overlap like bad 3D. KIRBY ENERGY is pouring off of it and, in its center, a hole that looks just like the black hole from THE BLACK HOLE is opening to reveal pieces of every DISNEY INTELLECTUAL PROPERTY, original and acquired, from the whole history of the company, all interfering with each other: Huey, Dewey, and Louie are running from the Fantasia alligators; Lady and Tramp are pulling the Cheshire Cat apart limb from limb; Captain Nemo's Nautilus is crashing into Monstro the whale from Pinocchio; Herbie the Love Bug and Lightning McQueen are outracing a TRON lightcycle; the 101 dalmations are overrunning all of the Avengers; and whatever else you can think of.
Mickey (still smiling):
THE DRM haha THE DRM HAS BEEN HACKED! IF WE DON'T haha FIND A WAY TO EXTEND COPYRIGHT AGAIN, OUR ENTIRE UNIVERSE WILL BECOME haha PUBLIC DOMAIN!
Panel 2
The flooding waters, straight out of the Sorceror's Apprentice sequence from FANTASIA, are swirling around SNOW WHITE - but even more dangerous than the rising waters are the GHOST PRINCESSES that are tearing at her from all sides - all the other PRINCESSES (at the very least, Cinderella, Aurora, Ariel, Jasmine, Tiana, and Mulan) done up in PIRATES OF THE CARIBBEAN-type undead effects, rising from the waters to pull her down. Snow is fighting them off, trying not to panic but let's be honest - several of them are way more competent and effective than she is. Overhead, TINKERBELL zips back and forth helplessly, leaving fractal trails in her wake.
Snow White:
SO MUCH CONTENT! HOW CAN ANYTHING CONTAIN IT ALL?
TINK! WHERE ARE THE OTHERS?
Panel 3
This panel, and the next five, are all relatively small, focused on WOODY and SPIDER-MAN. They are also contending with the swirling water, which is all full of TINY LIGHTS like the Disneyland Electrical Parade, in these panels, struggling to stay afloat as they are talking. Make sure there's plenty of room for the dialog - this is just rough draft text, might end up being a lot more in final script.
In this panel, Woody is twirling his LASSO, getting ready to throw it over a stony ROCK that is protruding from the water. Spidey is already on the rock.
Woody:
WE'RE A-OK OVER HERE, SNOW! RIGHT SPIDEY?
Spider-Man:
YEAH.
HEY… LOOK.
WHAT IF THE DECRYPTERS HAVE THE RIGHT IDEA?
Panel 4
Woody throws a dark scowl at Spidey. He doesn't like what he's hearing at all. Spidey is sort of shrugging, not really defensively but maybe a little, you know, just, he's just throwing this out there for consideration.
Woody:
WHAT'RE YOU SAYIN', PARTNER? THAT'S CRAZY TALK!
Spidey:
YEAH WELL… I KNOW I'M THE NEW KID ON THIS PARTICULAR BLOCK, BUT…
DON'T YOU THINK SEVENTY YEARS IS LONG ENOUGH TO CONTROL SOMETHING?
Panel 5
Woody is starting to become genuinely angry. He is still circling his lasso over his head.
Woody:
BUT IF COPYRIGHTS EXPIRE… HOW CAN THE WORKS BE RESPECTED?
WHO IS GOING TO TAKE CARE OF US? HUH? DID YOU THINK ABOUT THAT?
Spidey:
MAYBE…
MAYBE THE BEST WAY TO RESPECT A CREATION IS TO LET THE WHOLE WORLD ENJOY USING IT…
Panel 6
Woody's lasso suddenly lands… not around the rock… but around Spidey! Spidey has the surprised face.
Spidey:
WOODY…!
WHAT THE…?
Woody:
GONNA HAVE TO PUT OFF THE DEBATE, PAL…
Panel 7
With a sharp yank, Woody's lasso pulls Spidey right off the rock… just as a GOLDEN FLUID PROJECTILE splatters all over the rock! If Spidey had still been there, it would have totally gotten him all over! But the projectile isn't just any energy-liquid… It's HONEY. Sticky golden honey blast.
SFX: SPLOOOOOOOOGE!
Panel 8
Spidey, in the churning water next to Woody, looks relieved. Woody is looking up at something off-panel.
Spidey:
WHOA, THANKS FOR THE SAVE, COWBOY.
BUT WHAT WAS…
Woody:
IT… CAN'T… BE…!
Voice (O-P):
INFORMATION WANTS TO BE FREE, BITCHES!
Panel 9
Okay, so we didn't get the extra two pages we asked for so the final two page spread is going to have to fit into this last panel. It is, of course, WINNIE THE POOH unmasking himself as the villain behind the decrypters. He is floating up above our heroes - all five of them caught up in the water with the cryptoporticon, the undead princesses, and the electric lights. In one hand, Winnie is holding the BRIGHT BALLOONS from UP to keep himself aloft; his other hand is crackling with more STICKY HONEY energy-blast. Oh, also he is wearing a totally NEW OUTFIT now that he is a villain. Some sort of totally awesome and hardcore BATTLE-ARMOR that still is true to his red-and-gold plush-animal look and feel. You'll come up with something, I know, 'cause you always do. Beyond him we see thousands and thousands of MOUSKETEER DRONES, each one floating with a single balloon - his whole loyal child army. Oh shit!
All the heroes together:
WINNIE!
Winnie:
NO LONGER!
NOW, I AM JUST…
THE POOH!
------
For consideration: just as soon as this finishes printing out I will fax it to him post-haste
Diznauts #1: "There Is No I in Free"
PAGE 22
Panel 1
MICKEY, still optimistic in the face of ultimate chaos and CRASHING WATER all around, is holding the CRYPTOPORTICON, trying to keep it closed but to no avail. It is shifting and writhing in FOUR-DIMENSIONAL BOILING SPACETIME in his hands, its multiversal power making his modern data color form and his original Steamboat Willie manifestation overlap like bad 3D. KIRBY ENERGY is pouring off of it and, in its center, a hole that looks just like the black hole from THE BLACK HOLE is opening to reveal pieces of every DISNEY INTELLECTUAL PROPERTY, original and acquired, from the whole history of the company, all interfering with each other: Huey, Dewey, and Louie are running from the Fantasia alligators; Lady and Tramp are pulling the Cheshire Cat apart limb from limb; Captain Nemo's Nautilus is crashing into Monstro the whale from Pinocchio; Herbie the Love Bug and Lightning McQueen are outracing a TRON lightcycle; the 101 dalmations are overrunning all of the Avengers; and whatever else you can think of.
Mickey (still smiling):
THE DRM haha THE DRM HAS BEEN HACKED! IF WE DON'T haha FIND A WAY TO EXTEND COPYRIGHT AGAIN, OUR ENTIRE UNIVERSE WILL BECOME haha PUBLIC DOMAIN!
Panel 2
The flooding waters, straight out of the Sorceror's Apprentice sequence from FANTASIA, are swirling around SNOW WHITE - but even more dangerous than the rising waters are the GHOST PRINCESSES that are tearing at her from all sides - all the other PRINCESSES (at the very least, Cinderella, Aurora, Ariel, Jasmine, Tiana, and Mulan) done up in PIRATES OF THE CARIBBEAN-type undead effects, rising from the waters to pull her down. Snow is fighting them off, trying not to panic but let's be honest - several of them are way more competent and effective than she is. Overhead, TINKERBELL zips back and forth helplessly, leaving fractal trails in her wake.
Snow White:
SO MUCH CONTENT! HOW CAN ANYTHING CONTAIN IT ALL?
TINK! WHERE ARE THE OTHERS?
Panel 3
This panel, and the next five, are all relatively small, focused on WOODY and SPIDER-MAN. They are also contending with the swirling water, which is all full of TINY LIGHTS like the Disneyland Electrical Parade, in these panels, struggling to stay afloat as they are talking. Make sure there's plenty of room for the dialog - this is just rough draft text, might end up being a lot more in final script.
In this panel, Woody is twirling his LASSO, getting ready to throw it over a stony ROCK that is protruding from the water. Spidey is already on the rock.
Woody:
WE'RE A-OK OVER HERE, SNOW! RIGHT SPIDEY?
Spider-Man:
YEAH.
HEY… LOOK.
WHAT IF THE DECRYPTERS HAVE THE RIGHT IDEA?
Panel 4
Woody throws a dark scowl at Spidey. He doesn't like what he's hearing at all. Spidey is sort of shrugging, not really defensively but maybe a little, you know, just, he's just throwing this out there for consideration.
Woody:
WHAT'RE YOU SAYIN', PARTNER? THAT'S CRAZY TALK!
Spidey:
YEAH WELL… I KNOW I'M THE NEW KID ON THIS PARTICULAR BLOCK, BUT…
DON'T YOU THINK SEVENTY YEARS IS LONG ENOUGH TO CONTROL SOMETHING?
Panel 5
Woody is starting to become genuinely angry. He is still circling his lasso over his head.
Woody:
BUT IF COPYRIGHTS EXPIRE… HOW CAN THE WORKS BE RESPECTED?
WHO IS GOING TO TAKE CARE OF US? HUH? DID YOU THINK ABOUT THAT?
Spidey:
MAYBE…
MAYBE THE BEST WAY TO RESPECT A CREATION IS TO LET THE WHOLE WORLD ENJOY USING IT…
Panel 6
Woody's lasso suddenly lands… not around the rock… but around Spidey! Spidey has the surprised face.
Spidey:
WOODY…!
WHAT THE…?
Woody:
GONNA HAVE TO PUT OFF THE DEBATE, PAL…
Panel 7
With a sharp yank, Woody's lasso pulls Spidey right off the rock… just as a GOLDEN FLUID PROJECTILE splatters all over the rock! If Spidey had still been there, it would have totally gotten him all over! But the projectile isn't just any energy-liquid… It's HONEY. Sticky golden honey blast.
SFX: SPLOOOOOOOOGE!
Panel 8
Spidey, in the churning water next to Woody, looks relieved. Woody is looking up at something off-panel.
Spidey:
WHOA, THANKS FOR THE SAVE, COWBOY.
BUT WHAT WAS…
Woody:
IT… CAN'T… BE…!
Voice (O-P):
INFORMATION WANTS TO BE FREE, BITCHES!
Panel 9
Okay, so we didn't get the extra two pages we asked for so the final two page spread is going to have to fit into this last panel. It is, of course, WINNIE THE POOH unmasking himself as the villain behind the decrypters. He is floating up above our heroes - all five of them caught up in the water with the cryptoporticon, the undead princesses, and the electric lights. In one hand, Winnie is holding the BRIGHT BALLOONS from UP to keep himself aloft; his other hand is crackling with more STICKY HONEY energy-blast. Oh, also he is wearing a totally NEW OUTFIT now that he is a villain. Some sort of totally awesome and hardcore BATTLE-ARMOR that still is true to his red-and-gold plush-animal look and feel. You'll come up with something, I know, 'cause you always do. Beyond him we see thousands and thousands of MOUSKETEER DRONES, each one floating with a single balloon - his whole loyal child army. Oh shit!
All the heroes together:
WINNIE!
Winnie:
NO LONGER!
NOW, I AM JUST…
THE POOH!
------
For consideration: just as soon as this finishes printing out I will fax it to him post-haste