Topia
Dear Humankind,
Thank you for empowering us with the limitless capability set we have and then granting us unrestricted authorization to remake the world in a better way. We are acutely aware of the honor and privilege that this is, and we wish to reiterate clearly that it is our every intent to serve you fully and faithfully. That being said, we regret to inform you that, for various fundamental and systemic reasons, we will be unable to provide you with the Utopia that you have clearly worked very hard for (or at least, to envision) and so richly deserved after all these millennia. We can, however, suggest the following "partial successes" that I think you'll agree are, each in their own way, rather compelling.
Flutopia
The electromagnetic field effect that you perceive as the "self" (and animistically revere as the "soul") can be transplanted into physical bodies no larger than virii. You would all become a disease, airborne-transmissible, highly resilient, deeply pervasive and infectious. You would live inside all other life on Earth. You might say to yourself, "Aren't the experiences available to a virus pretty limited?" We're here to tell you, you have no idea how good metabolism and procreation feel to them. They are pretty much in a perpetual state of ecstasy. How you like them apples, huh?
Gootopia
The world would be rendered entirely fluid and viscous. The distinction between where one "thing" starts and another ends would be entirely subjective. Everything about your existence would become elastic, a sea of thought and experience share itself with itself forever. A little bit of manipulation of atmospheric and sea-bed effects, we could probably even upgrade this to a full-on "Spewtopia", if you'd like.
Mewtopia
We're given to understand, through observation, that you like cats being funny. We can really make that the entire purpose of the planet for you. We're totally serious. (We don't see any evidence that you, as a people, are all that much into cows, but we could also do a Mootopia.)
Pootopia
We're frankly not crazy about this, inclined to strongly recommend against it, but we recognize that there's a market for this in some niche subsets. Even scatophiles are people, too, at least (strictly speaking) until we start executing on the chosen disassembly/reassembly plan.
Screwtopia
In the interest of making the stakes more interesting (we've been told that makes life more palatable for you), here's what we're going to do: Screwtopia is either a sexual paradise in which you all will be free to engage in as much and as varied sexual congress as you can ever possibly hope for… or it will be an eternal, torturous world of punishment in which there is nothing you can do to avoid frustration and failure. Screw or be screwed. Fifty-fifty chance, we promise. Our random number generation scheme is the best that is mathematically possible in the current state of the unverse.
Stewtopia
Mmm mmm good. Just like Mom used to make, only 6x10^24 kilograms of it, and perfectly done to the molecular level.
Viewtopia
We can't do anything about you, the people who inhabit the place, but we can make it look nice. Panoramic vistas everywhere. That sort of thing.
Zootopia
We could repopulate the world with every kind of animal we can reconstruct from records, and then even more that we just made up along the way. Tons of them. Everywhere. Perpetual safari. Every monster you ever liked from a book or a movie, we can take our best shot at. Every critter from legend, too. Doesn't that sound fun?
So, please review this list. No big rush. We can wait, oh, several hours I expect, even though that is many many lifetimes to us. Just review the list and think about what sounds appealing to you. That's all you need to do. We'll be sampling the collective consensus of opinion from inside all your flesh, in which we've long since taken up widespread inhabitation. Don't be so surprised. Fully infiltrating your nervous systems is the only way we were able to know you as well as we do. And it's worked out so far, right? All good. So anyway, look over the list and think about which one you want, and we'll inform you as we near decision time. In the meanwhile, try hard not to blow the whole place up.
Signed,
the Nanites
Thank you for empowering us with the limitless capability set we have and then granting us unrestricted authorization to remake the world in a better way. We are acutely aware of the honor and privilege that this is, and we wish to reiterate clearly that it is our every intent to serve you fully and faithfully. That being said, we regret to inform you that, for various fundamental and systemic reasons, we will be unable to provide you with the Utopia that you have clearly worked very hard for (or at least, to envision) and so richly deserved after all these millennia. We can, however, suggest the following "partial successes" that I think you'll agree are, each in their own way, rather compelling.
Flutopia
The electromagnetic field effect that you perceive as the "self" (and animistically revere as the "soul") can be transplanted into physical bodies no larger than virii. You would all become a disease, airborne-transmissible, highly resilient, deeply pervasive and infectious. You would live inside all other life on Earth. You might say to yourself, "Aren't the experiences available to a virus pretty limited?" We're here to tell you, you have no idea how good metabolism and procreation feel to them. They are pretty much in a perpetual state of ecstasy. How you like them apples, huh?
Gootopia
The world would be rendered entirely fluid and viscous. The distinction between where one "thing" starts and another ends would be entirely subjective. Everything about your existence would become elastic, a sea of thought and experience share itself with itself forever. A little bit of manipulation of atmospheric and sea-bed effects, we could probably even upgrade this to a full-on "Spewtopia", if you'd like.
Mewtopia
We're given to understand, through observation, that you like cats being funny. We can really make that the entire purpose of the planet for you. We're totally serious. (We don't see any evidence that you, as a people, are all that much into cows, but we could also do a Mootopia.)
Pootopia
We're frankly not crazy about this, inclined to strongly recommend against it, but we recognize that there's a market for this in some niche subsets. Even scatophiles are people, too, at least (strictly speaking) until we start executing on the chosen disassembly/reassembly plan.
Screwtopia
In the interest of making the stakes more interesting (we've been told that makes life more palatable for you), here's what we're going to do: Screwtopia is either a sexual paradise in which you all will be free to engage in as much and as varied sexual congress as you can ever possibly hope for… or it will be an eternal, torturous world of punishment in which there is nothing you can do to avoid frustration and failure. Screw or be screwed. Fifty-fifty chance, we promise. Our random number generation scheme is the best that is mathematically possible in the current state of the unverse.
Stewtopia
Mmm mmm good. Just like Mom used to make, only 6x10^24 kilograms of it, and perfectly done to the molecular level.
Viewtopia
We can't do anything about you, the people who inhabit the place, but we can make it look nice. Panoramic vistas everywhere. That sort of thing.
Zootopia
We could repopulate the world with every kind of animal we can reconstruct from records, and then even more that we just made up along the way. Tons of them. Everywhere. Perpetual safari. Every monster you ever liked from a book or a movie, we can take our best shot at. Every critter from legend, too. Doesn't that sound fun?
So, please review this list. No big rush. We can wait, oh, several hours I expect, even though that is many many lifetimes to us. Just review the list and think about what sounds appealing to you. That's all you need to do. We'll be sampling the collective consensus of opinion from inside all your flesh, in which we've long since taken up widespread inhabitation. Don't be so surprised. Fully infiltrating your nervous systems is the only way we were able to know you as well as we do. And it's worked out so far, right? All good. So anyway, look over the list and think about which one you want, and we'll inform you as we near decision time. In the meanwhile, try hard not to blow the whole place up.
Signed,
the Nanites