life is not a journal entry.
Thanks to my wonderful girlfriend, i'm back on livejournal. again.
It's been quite a stellar last couple of weeks, sarcasm intended.
I've had several jobs, and start another one on Monday. I will not be attending classes in the fall due to monetary issues, and will be contemplating taking a CNA course (offered to be paid for by my father), along with ongoing depression, and continued over consumption of alcohol and the like, it just seems like things couldn't get any worse to be honest.
Natasha's mother starts work at Birchwood, which is like a half a mile from my house, and two of my sisters work there, so this could either turn out bad or really good. Bad being, that i may not ever see her again under even abnormal circumstances. Or that she'll befriend my sister (particularly Ashleigh) and maybe something good will come out of it, i doubt it, but maybe.
As usual, i've been with Koolaid and Evan every day, practically doing nothing, but it's better than being here. I feel like i have too many friends, and not enough friends at the same time. But really the definition of friend really is a definition that varies between me and most people. Typically, and or always in my life i've just been the one to leech off of, wonder why i go through a carton a week? because i'm too nice. I really don't smoke that much.
This is how i feel:
Controlling, absorbing
My feelings are numbing
Deceiving, believing
This drug is my healing
My feelings, now seething
This hits not relieving
It's taxing, relaxing
To know time's a-passing
It's taking me, breaking me
Life's not what it's been built to be
What am i to do about
The things i love
The ones i trust
This is how i feel
This is how it feels, when i, when i wake up
Needing another day
To figure things out
To get another fix and doubt
I'm throwing myself away
Subjected, Rejected
This songs so defective
Connected, neglected
My gravestones erected
Conceited, Defeated
My drug, yes it's needed
It's keeping me breathing
It's numbing this feeling
I'm wasted yet faced with these obstacles placed
In my way, it's okay, i'll still here for another day
what am i to do about
the things i love
the ones i trust
they're fading in front of me
This is how i feel
This is how it feels, when i, when i wake up
Needing another day
To figure things out
To get another fix and doubt
I'm throwing myself away
what am i to do about
the things i love
the ones i trust
should i throw them away
for my sake of sanity
or symphathy
they're fading in front me
It's been quite a stellar last couple of weeks, sarcasm intended.
I've had several jobs, and start another one on Monday. I will not be attending classes in the fall due to monetary issues, and will be contemplating taking a CNA course (offered to be paid for by my father), along with ongoing depression, and continued over consumption of alcohol and the like, it just seems like things couldn't get any worse to be honest.
Natasha's mother starts work at Birchwood, which is like a half a mile from my house, and two of my sisters work there, so this could either turn out bad or really good. Bad being, that i may not ever see her again under even abnormal circumstances. Or that she'll befriend my sister (particularly Ashleigh) and maybe something good will come out of it, i doubt it, but maybe.
As usual, i've been with Koolaid and Evan every day, practically doing nothing, but it's better than being here. I feel like i have too many friends, and not enough friends at the same time. But really the definition of friend really is a definition that varies between me and most people. Typically, and or always in my life i've just been the one to leech off of, wonder why i go through a carton a week? because i'm too nice. I really don't smoke that much.
This is how i feel:
Controlling, absorbing
My feelings are numbing
Deceiving, believing
This drug is my healing
My feelings, now seething
This hits not relieving
It's taxing, relaxing
To know time's a-passing
It's taking me, breaking me
Life's not what it's been built to be
What am i to do about
The things i love
The ones i trust
This is how i feel
This is how it feels, when i, when i wake up
Needing another day
To figure things out
To get another fix and doubt
I'm throwing myself away
Subjected, Rejected
This songs so defective
Connected, neglected
My gravestones erected
Conceited, Defeated
My drug, yes it's needed
It's keeping me breathing
It's numbing this feeling
I'm wasted yet faced with these obstacles placed
In my way, it's okay, i'll still here for another day
what am i to do about
the things i love
the ones i trust
they're fading in front of me
This is how i feel
This is how it feels, when i, when i wake up
Needing another day
To figure things out
To get another fix and doubt
I'm throwing myself away
what am i to do about
the things i love
the ones i trust
should i throw them away
for my sake of sanity
or symphathy
they're fading in front me