I like you. I just hate -those- people.
I'm sitting at a hotel bar in LA sipping a Manhattan and idly scrolling through my phone for waxed canvas field jackets. It's just a nightcap to take the edge off a six hour road trip. There's a British couple next to me, well into the demolition of a bottle of Pinot Grigio, and the wife turns to me and asks, "what's that you're drinking?"
"It's a Manhattan."
"What's it like?"
"Think of a gin martini, but instead of gin you have whiskey and instead of dry vermouth you have sweet."
"That doesn't sound like a martini at all."
"But the philosophy is the same. They're like cousins whose fathers are vermouth brothers, but their mothers are whiskey and gin."
"I rather like that idea. I'll order one too. What brings you to this hotel?"
So we get to talking. They're on holiday, having driven the Pacific Coast Highway, and I tell them that my wife and I just did that on our honeymoon. They're from the Southwest Coast of England, and I also tell them that my wife and I are thinking of visiting there sometime to walk the Southwest Coast Path. We talk about traveling and about the homes we choose. They have two daughters sitting up in their hotel room and they ask me if we have kids and affirm our choice not to have them.
I ask them how life has been in England since Brexit.
"Life has been great! We're Brexiteers! And we're Trump supporters! Hope that doesn't bum you out."
"Oh, no, I'm sure you have your reasons," (which I don't want to get into right now) " and you've been lovely people."
And then the Manhattan hits her like a freight train.
"-- it's just," she says, "you know, I'm not a racist. My best friend is from Barbados. She's as black as can be. We get along great. I love her. But I just don't want those people coming in and raping and pillaging my country."
"So, for you, it's all about immigration."
"Absolutely. We can't just have open borders. People can't just come in and free load on our system just because they want to. There's got to be controls in place."
"And you think the controls that exist aren't enough."
"There aren't any! Anyone can just come in and have a baby and then boom they get to stay. What's the sense in that?"
"So, if immigration inflow is controlled, that's what you want. What about all of the people who got in already. Do they get to stay?"
"No, every non-Briton needs to be scrutinized, to make sure that they're not bad people. I mean, you have to understand, I don't have any problem with the good people. I like you. even though you're not from here. I just don't want the rapists and murderers. Didn't you see what happened in Germany?"
"Do you know what sort of screening processes are already in place for non EU-citizens to enter the EU?"
"It's not enough. I mean, it sounded like you followed the rules. Don't you get pissed off when people jump the queue and have babies here and get citizenship?"
"Well, to be honest, my little sister was born here. My parents wanted to immigrate, but they couldn't sort out a way how. Not with their lawyers and their money. We became Canadians partially because it was easier and it would mean we wouldn't have to move back to the Philippines. The 'have babies and get citizenship' was the path my parents took, and it took them 18 years and it was the easiest path available to them."
"What would you say if people went into the Philippines and did that?"
"To be honest, the Philippines would be fine with it. Our rules aren't as strict as the US and EU."
"Well, what do you think of tourism?"
"I think tourism is great. I think it's valuable, but I think it's a problem if a country's economy is heavily reliant on it."
"Well, I grew up with tourism all my life. I mean, like we had Ireland and the Troubles, yeah. And as soon as we sorted out a peace process for that: we had the Islamists."
"Wait ... are you talking about terrorism?"
(Husband: "I thought she was talking about tourism too")
"That's exactly what I'm talking about. Tourorism. It's been a part of my life ever since I was born. What was your country like?"
"The Philippines has had terrorists for a long time. Back in the 19th century --"
"Don't do that! Don't bring up your colonial baggage in here!"
"I wasn't going to talk about colonialism. I was going to talk about Muslim separatists and communists who were bombing our cities and assassinating people since I was born."
"Oh, so you've experienced it too. I don't feel like a lot of people have gone through that. It's so frustrating when people don't get what it's like to live with that kind of fear."
(Didn't most of your own countrymen live through the Troubles too?)
"So," she says, "I take it you don't like Trump? You're a liberal?"
"I think Trump is a liar."
"Hillary lied too!"
"That doesn't change the fact that Trump is liar."
"Well, it doesn't matter, once Trump is in power, he'll have free reign to ..."
"The President doesn't get free reign. He isn't a king."
"Well, didn't Obama get free reign to do whatever he wanted? Name one example of how he got blocked."
"Obamacare was a compromise that was forced by a Republican Congress."
"That's just you trying to pin the blame on the Republicans for Obamacare's flaws."
"No, you asked me for an example of how Obama was blocked from doing what he wanted, and I'm stating the fact that Obama wanted a Government Option to compete with the private insurance companies. Something similar to your NHS or Australia's Medibank -- and the Republicans blocked that from happening. I can't say if it would've been better or worse, but that's an example of how the President Isn't King."
At this point, as I'm explaining my position, the wife struggles to get up and is drunk walked by a barback to the bathroom. While she's away, her husband continues the struggle.
"So, name for me one good thing that Obamacare has done? Did you benefit?"
"it didn't change anything for me. I've always had insurance from my employer, because I'm an immigrant and in order to maintain legal status, I've needed an employer who can sponsor me for a visa, and at that level, private insurance is just part of the deal."
He turns to the bartender, "did Obamacare help you?"
"Oh, yes, sir, yes it did. Continues to help me now."
"I just don't see the reason for it."
I leaned forward and asked, "you're a small business owner, yeah? What would you do if the NHS disappeared and you had to pay for medical insurance for all of your employees?"
"Let me tell you about the NHS. Ever since I was young. Since I was sixteen, I paid into it and I expected to be taken care of. I was given this promise by the state. And, to be fair, when I was young and healthy, it did right by me. But now, I've got to go in because I'm 65 and I've got issues, and they tell me that they can't help me because there's no money left. It's all taken by these immigrants who just freeload from the system and don't pay their taxes. They just go in and have babies and expect me to pay for it."
(you didn't answer my fucking question)
"You know that freeloader problem exists with private insurance too."
"Don't bring that into it. Private options don't exist in the UK. It's irrelevant."
"No, I'm just relating this to Obamacare. Before Obama ever took office, there's always been this problem about freeloaders taking advantage of the system. We, as a country, do not feel a moral case to turn away people having an emergency even if they can't pay. That would be a nightmare anyway."
"So, what happens when an unemployed person goes to a hospital?"
"Well, before Obamacare, there were programs like Medicaid and COBRA, and they had their own problems. But, it's not just the unemployed and the immigrant. It's the freelancer and the contractor and person working several part-time jobs. And then for all of us working for private corporations, it's also about those corporations paying for the health costs of us and all of those freeloaders who then use the costs of healthcare as a reason not to give us raises."
"But Obamacare can't pay for itself. How would you make it work?"
"I don't know. I think it was fatally compromised by a combination of Republican opposition and Obama not having enough force or political skill to get what he wanted. But who knows if a government option would've fixed it. We don't know what could've been; just what we have now, and I don't see a better suggestion from Trump yet. What I do know is that Obamacare's flaws did not come from a President who just ignored what Congress wanted him to do."
(in retrospect, I should've probably gone with Merrick Garland)
His wife comes back and takes her place next to me and just breathes in deep and looks me in the eye.
"Why do you think we wanted to leave?"
"Well, talking to friends of mine in the UK ..."
"Look, I am a real, live, breathing Briton in front of you right now."
"Yes. I'm just trying to couch that my answer is based on talking to other Britons who are my friends. They're real too."
"They're not here. I am. Acknowledge me."
"Ok. What I feel exists in both of our countries is this feeling like we do not have control over where our nations are going. They're changing in ways that we do not like and we don't have a voice. And that sucks."
"Yes, you see, you understand us. You get us. I like you. I don't like them. All of those people who want us dead. I like you. I don't want you to hate us."
She's crying.
"... but," I said, "while that explains why you want to leave; I feel like what this is turning into are two people in a car who keep wrestling the wheel back from each other. It's not about taking turns and making the country shitty for one group while making it better for another one. It's about figuring out something that works for everyone."
"I know. It just makes me scared to think about what life will be like for our daughters. We aren't listening to each other. I just want to be listened to."
Her husband leans in and gently starts to try to nudge his wife back to the hotel room. "We've done enough to ruin this man's night."
"Oh, we were having such a great time talking about traveling. This wasn't ruined. We need to talk more."
His wife is just sitting next to me quietly, still crying.
"Hey," I said, "you're still going to be in this hotel another few nights right? Maybe if we run into each other again, we can pick this up another time. Keep talking."
"Yeah. Yeah, I'd like that. Ok, we'll go now. We should get some sleep."
They get up and walk away. I am quietly relieved that they're walking to a different wing to the hotel. I turn back to the bartender and ask for some water.
"You want a shot?"
"I already paid."
"I know."
"No, man, just some water."
"All good, man. All good."
"It's a Manhattan."
"What's it like?"
"Think of a gin martini, but instead of gin you have whiskey and instead of dry vermouth you have sweet."
"That doesn't sound like a martini at all."
"But the philosophy is the same. They're like cousins whose fathers are vermouth brothers, but their mothers are whiskey and gin."
"I rather like that idea. I'll order one too. What brings you to this hotel?"
So we get to talking. They're on holiday, having driven the Pacific Coast Highway, and I tell them that my wife and I just did that on our honeymoon. They're from the Southwest Coast of England, and I also tell them that my wife and I are thinking of visiting there sometime to walk the Southwest Coast Path. We talk about traveling and about the homes we choose. They have two daughters sitting up in their hotel room and they ask me if we have kids and affirm our choice not to have them.
I ask them how life has been in England since Brexit.
"Life has been great! We're Brexiteers! And we're Trump supporters! Hope that doesn't bum you out."
"Oh, no, I'm sure you have your reasons," (which I don't want to get into right now) " and you've been lovely people."
And then the Manhattan hits her like a freight train.
"-- it's just," she says, "you know, I'm not a racist. My best friend is from Barbados. She's as black as can be. We get along great. I love her. But I just don't want those people coming in and raping and pillaging my country."
"So, for you, it's all about immigration."
"Absolutely. We can't just have open borders. People can't just come in and free load on our system just because they want to. There's got to be controls in place."
"And you think the controls that exist aren't enough."
"There aren't any! Anyone can just come in and have a baby and then boom they get to stay. What's the sense in that?"
"So, if immigration inflow is controlled, that's what you want. What about all of the people who got in already. Do they get to stay?"
"No, every non-Briton needs to be scrutinized, to make sure that they're not bad people. I mean, you have to understand, I don't have any problem with the good people. I like you. even though you're not from here. I just don't want the rapists and murderers. Didn't you see what happened in Germany?"
"Do you know what sort of screening processes are already in place for non EU-citizens to enter the EU?"
"It's not enough. I mean, it sounded like you followed the rules. Don't you get pissed off when people jump the queue and have babies here and get citizenship?"
"Well, to be honest, my little sister was born here. My parents wanted to immigrate, but they couldn't sort out a way how. Not with their lawyers and their money. We became Canadians partially because it was easier and it would mean we wouldn't have to move back to the Philippines. The 'have babies and get citizenship' was the path my parents took, and it took them 18 years and it was the easiest path available to them."
"What would you say if people went into the Philippines and did that?"
"To be honest, the Philippines would be fine with it. Our rules aren't as strict as the US and EU."
"Well, what do you think of tourism?"
"I think tourism is great. I think it's valuable, but I think it's a problem if a country's economy is heavily reliant on it."
"Well, I grew up with tourism all my life. I mean, like we had Ireland and the Troubles, yeah. And as soon as we sorted out a peace process for that: we had the Islamists."
"Wait ... are you talking about terrorism?"
(Husband: "I thought she was talking about tourism too")
"That's exactly what I'm talking about. Tourorism. It's been a part of my life ever since I was born. What was your country like?"
"The Philippines has had terrorists for a long time. Back in the 19th century --"
"Don't do that! Don't bring up your colonial baggage in here!"
"I wasn't going to talk about colonialism. I was going to talk about Muslim separatists and communists who were bombing our cities and assassinating people since I was born."
"Oh, so you've experienced it too. I don't feel like a lot of people have gone through that. It's so frustrating when people don't get what it's like to live with that kind of fear."
(Didn't most of your own countrymen live through the Troubles too?)
"So," she says, "I take it you don't like Trump? You're a liberal?"
"I think Trump is a liar."
"Hillary lied too!"
"That doesn't change the fact that Trump is liar."
"Well, it doesn't matter, once Trump is in power, he'll have free reign to ..."
"The President doesn't get free reign. He isn't a king."
"Well, didn't Obama get free reign to do whatever he wanted? Name one example of how he got blocked."
"Obamacare was a compromise that was forced by a Republican Congress."
"That's just you trying to pin the blame on the Republicans for Obamacare's flaws."
"No, you asked me for an example of how Obama was blocked from doing what he wanted, and I'm stating the fact that Obama wanted a Government Option to compete with the private insurance companies. Something similar to your NHS or Australia's Medibank -- and the Republicans blocked that from happening. I can't say if it would've been better or worse, but that's an example of how the President Isn't King."
At this point, as I'm explaining my position, the wife struggles to get up and is drunk walked by a barback to the bathroom. While she's away, her husband continues the struggle.
"So, name for me one good thing that Obamacare has done? Did you benefit?"
"it didn't change anything for me. I've always had insurance from my employer, because I'm an immigrant and in order to maintain legal status, I've needed an employer who can sponsor me for a visa, and at that level, private insurance is just part of the deal."
He turns to the bartender, "did Obamacare help you?"
"Oh, yes, sir, yes it did. Continues to help me now."
"I just don't see the reason for it."
I leaned forward and asked, "you're a small business owner, yeah? What would you do if the NHS disappeared and you had to pay for medical insurance for all of your employees?"
"Let me tell you about the NHS. Ever since I was young. Since I was sixteen, I paid into it and I expected to be taken care of. I was given this promise by the state. And, to be fair, when I was young and healthy, it did right by me. But now, I've got to go in because I'm 65 and I've got issues, and they tell me that they can't help me because there's no money left. It's all taken by these immigrants who just freeload from the system and don't pay their taxes. They just go in and have babies and expect me to pay for it."
(you didn't answer my fucking question)
"You know that freeloader problem exists with private insurance too."
"Don't bring that into it. Private options don't exist in the UK. It's irrelevant."
"No, I'm just relating this to Obamacare. Before Obama ever took office, there's always been this problem about freeloaders taking advantage of the system. We, as a country, do not feel a moral case to turn away people having an emergency even if they can't pay. That would be a nightmare anyway."
"So, what happens when an unemployed person goes to a hospital?"
"Well, before Obamacare, there were programs like Medicaid and COBRA, and they had their own problems. But, it's not just the unemployed and the immigrant. It's the freelancer and the contractor and person working several part-time jobs. And then for all of us working for private corporations, it's also about those corporations paying for the health costs of us and all of those freeloaders who then use the costs of healthcare as a reason not to give us raises."
"But Obamacare can't pay for itself. How would you make it work?"
"I don't know. I think it was fatally compromised by a combination of Republican opposition and Obama not having enough force or political skill to get what he wanted. But who knows if a government option would've fixed it. We don't know what could've been; just what we have now, and I don't see a better suggestion from Trump yet. What I do know is that Obamacare's flaws did not come from a President who just ignored what Congress wanted him to do."
(in retrospect, I should've probably gone with Merrick Garland)
His wife comes back and takes her place next to me and just breathes in deep and looks me in the eye.
"Why do you think we wanted to leave?"
"Well, talking to friends of mine in the UK ..."
"Look, I am a real, live, breathing Briton in front of you right now."
"Yes. I'm just trying to couch that my answer is based on talking to other Britons who are my friends. They're real too."
"They're not here. I am. Acknowledge me."
"Ok. What I feel exists in both of our countries is this feeling like we do not have control over where our nations are going. They're changing in ways that we do not like and we don't have a voice. And that sucks."
"Yes, you see, you understand us. You get us. I like you. I don't like them. All of those people who want us dead. I like you. I don't want you to hate us."
She's crying.
"... but," I said, "while that explains why you want to leave; I feel like what this is turning into are two people in a car who keep wrestling the wheel back from each other. It's not about taking turns and making the country shitty for one group while making it better for another one. It's about figuring out something that works for everyone."
"I know. It just makes me scared to think about what life will be like for our daughters. We aren't listening to each other. I just want to be listened to."
Her husband leans in and gently starts to try to nudge his wife back to the hotel room. "We've done enough to ruin this man's night."
"Oh, we were having such a great time talking about traveling. This wasn't ruined. We need to talk more."
His wife is just sitting next to me quietly, still crying.
"Hey," I said, "you're still going to be in this hotel another few nights right? Maybe if we run into each other again, we can pick this up another time. Keep talking."
"Yeah. Yeah, I'd like that. Ok, we'll go now. We should get some sleep."
They get up and walk away. I am quietly relieved that they're walking to a different wing to the hotel. I turn back to the bartender and ask for some water.
"You want a shot?"
"I already paid."
"I know."
"No, man, just some water."
"All good, man. All good."