from the mouths of babes
It's a slowish reading session today. The TotRodder picked out a book about sea mammals, and I was reading a passage about killer whales, trying to sound lurid and menacing to get his attention, but his eyes aren't on the book or me or his lunch. They're just scanning the room, twitching between pictures of presidents up on the wall of the library. Finally, he asks, "Cris, betcha I know who was the first son of a president to be a president."
"I bet you do know, TotRodder. Who is it?"
"John Quinky Adams."
"That's Quincy Adams. But, yeah, you're right."
"Have any other sons of presidents become presidents?"
"There's W."
"Oh yeah. My daddy likes him."
"That's nice, TotRodder."
"Cris, who was the best president?"
I looked at him a little askance then placed the book down. I was getting bored with the killer whales, too. "Well," I said, "it depends on what you like. Some people say Thomas Jefferson was the best because he taught America how to be America."
"Some other people," I continued, pointing at a picture of Abraham Lincoln, "think Lincoln was the best because he freed the slaves and won the Civil War. Other folks think Roosevelt was the best because he took care of poor people and helped win World War II."
"Has America lost any wars?"
Before I go further, I ought to point out that the TotRodder asked this as an honest question, because he did not know the answer. To him, America's wars were rosy bits of storybook glory filled with reasons to make him proud and happy, and thereby stoke a self-reinforcing curiosity. I should've probably left it at that, and let his teacher take care of his history lessons, but instead I said,
"You guys lost Vietnam."
I might as well have told him that the Lion King ate Bambi's mother. You could visibly see the TotRodder's face progress from a look of confusion to this horrible, sad expression as nine years of nascent patriotism collided against its first moment of dissonance.
"We lost a war? Really? We lost a war? How'd that happen?"
I took a deep breath and my mind briefly thought of all the questions that the TotRodder's going to be asking his parents when he gets home, telling them how his reading partner has been preaching this defeatist propaganda. I really shouldn't get into it, but then I figured that the kid's going to have to learn this stuff sooner or later ...
"Well, Vietnam was kind of a mistake." What the hell? "You see, there were these Communists --"
"What's a Communist?"
"Oh, Christ, dude ..."
"What country are Communists from?"
"Oh ... Communists aren't a country. They're a bunch of countries that believe in the same thing. Like, America is a democracy. So is Canada. But China's a communist country. So was Russia, and Vietnam was too."
"Were China, Vietnam and Russia fighting against the US?"
"Yeah, sorta."
"That's totally not fair! That's, like, three against one!"
how to explain geopolitics to a 3rd grader ... "well, during World War II, Germany took on, like, a bajillion countries and almost won, but, in the end, the US, England and Russia beat them. Now, all of those countries had to save the world, so doing a three-on-one against Germany wasn't unfair or wrong."
"Wait, Russia and the US were on the same side?"
"Yeah, but then they had a fight over how the world was supposed to work after World War II. Like, Communists believe that everyone is supposed to be the same."
"But America says that too."
"America says that everybody should have an equal start, but they can be whoever they want to be. Communists believe that everyone should be the same, and share everything because that's the fairest way."
"My mommy says you should share, too. Does that make her a communist? Does that make her bad?"
"Will your mommy shoot you if you don't share your toys with your little brother?"
"No."
"Well then, she's not a communist. There was this communist named Josef Stalin who, like, shot a lot of people because they disagreed with him. He was bad. But your mommy probably isn't bad."
"Oh. Hey, how do tsunamis happen?"
Some days I wonder why I even bother to bring the books.
"I bet you do know, TotRodder. Who is it?"
"John Quinky Adams."
"That's Quincy Adams. But, yeah, you're right."
"Have any other sons of presidents become presidents?"
"There's W."
"Oh yeah. My daddy likes him."
"That's nice, TotRodder."
"Cris, who was the best president?"
I looked at him a little askance then placed the book down. I was getting bored with the killer whales, too. "Well," I said, "it depends on what you like. Some people say Thomas Jefferson was the best because he taught America how to be America."
"Some other people," I continued, pointing at a picture of Abraham Lincoln, "think Lincoln was the best because he freed the slaves and won the Civil War. Other folks think Roosevelt was the best because he took care of poor people and helped win World War II."
"Has America lost any wars?"
Before I go further, I ought to point out that the TotRodder asked this as an honest question, because he did not know the answer. To him, America's wars were rosy bits of storybook glory filled with reasons to make him proud and happy, and thereby stoke a self-reinforcing curiosity. I should've probably left it at that, and let his teacher take care of his history lessons, but instead I said,
"You guys lost Vietnam."
I might as well have told him that the Lion King ate Bambi's mother. You could visibly see the TotRodder's face progress from a look of confusion to this horrible, sad expression as nine years of nascent patriotism collided against its first moment of dissonance.
"We lost a war? Really? We lost a war? How'd that happen?"
I took a deep breath and my mind briefly thought of all the questions that the TotRodder's going to be asking his parents when he gets home, telling them how his reading partner has been preaching this defeatist propaganda. I really shouldn't get into it, but then I figured that the kid's going to have to learn this stuff sooner or later ...
"Well, Vietnam was kind of a mistake." What the hell? "You see, there were these Communists --"
"What's a Communist?"
"Oh, Christ, dude ..."
"What country are Communists from?"
"Oh ... Communists aren't a country. They're a bunch of countries that believe in the same thing. Like, America is a democracy. So is Canada. But China's a communist country. So was Russia, and Vietnam was too."
"Were China, Vietnam and Russia fighting against the US?"
"Yeah, sorta."
"That's totally not fair! That's, like, three against one!"
how to explain geopolitics to a 3rd grader ... "well, during World War II, Germany took on, like, a bajillion countries and almost won, but, in the end, the US, England and Russia beat them. Now, all of those countries had to save the world, so doing a three-on-one against Germany wasn't unfair or wrong."
"Wait, Russia and the US were on the same side?"
"Yeah, but then they had a fight over how the world was supposed to work after World War II. Like, Communists believe that everyone is supposed to be the same."
"But America says that too."
"America says that everybody should have an equal start, but they can be whoever they want to be. Communists believe that everyone should be the same, and share everything because that's the fairest way."
"My mommy says you should share, too. Does that make her a communist? Does that make her bad?"
"Will your mommy shoot you if you don't share your toys with your little brother?"
"No."
"Well then, she's not a communist. There was this communist named Josef Stalin who, like, shot a lot of people because they disagreed with him. He was bad. But your mommy probably isn't bad."
"Oh. Hey, how do tsunamis happen?"
Some days I wonder why I even bother to bring the books.