Breaking Promises
My heart was racing when I thought about it. I felt it beating heavily in my chest as I gripped it's cold hard silver handle into my palm and pulled it out. As I walked back to my chair my whole body started to shake. I sat down and felt the rush in my viens. I was scared? I was excited? My mind was racing with the thoughts of good or bad. I felt sick and began to cry as I pulled the blade out of it's slot. It clicked and my heart raced faster. I was lost in the moment as hurtful words poured onto the screen of the monitor. A need of releif was yerning from inside. I watched myself, holding the knife in my right hand, settle the tip of the blade on my arm. I hesitated and pulled away, crying as I did so. I looked up once again only to see the expected words from another. It was my reinforcement and I tried again. More successful then the last I scrapped the top layer of my skin and repeated several times. I cried and cried as the scrapping pinched me and emotions flooded threw my hands. Bending over my arms I started to chant to myself the word that my heart was screaming. My hand followed and letters were forming upon my skin. I wanted it all to go away. I wished it would just go away.
Minutes after it was like a dream. Though as a dream goes it would not last. But unlike this dream this event was very real. My arms resting on my lap, still holding the knife loosely in one hand. I started blankly at the screen before me and felt no emotion inbetween. Then I staired down at my arm. It was red and throbbing at the places I had cut myself. I brushed my fingers across them and felt the bumps and very small peices of skin. My heart was calm and my eyes were heavy with sleep. It was morning but the sun wasn't coming up for another three hours. My wish had been granted for the time being. It was nothing to remember but I wont be able to forget until the wound heals. I took a small breathe and whispered the word that I carved into my arm. It was my final statement. It was my ending and begginning of something new. This word alone made everything clear...
"STOP"