14 nights

[kstipetic]

Thanks everyone who responded to my previous post! Here is the website:

14 NightsIt says it "contains nudity and sex" but so far, there are just one or two images of a guy sitting around without clothes on, as well as some curse words here and there

Comments

reposting, didn't go through the first time

[moontoad]

It seems that the guy is asking for ketamine to avoid life for a couple weeks, right? The doctor's response isn't quite what I'd expect, and I don't think the average person is going to be clued into why he asked for ketamine. It seemed as if the doctor was responding to his request as if he were asking for painkillers. While ketamine is used for pain, it's much more often used as a general anesthetic (and I'm starting the process of getting a ketamine coma myself). So if you meant him to be asking for a painkiller, ketamine isn't a good choice, the only way it's prescribed from a pharmacist is very rarely in the topical form. If he's looking to avoid life for a couple weeks, then his doctor's response doesn't quite match up with that. Also, it seemed to refer to ketamine as if they come in pill form. "I only need them for a couple weeks". It's sold in liquid or powder form, meant to have water added to make a solution. I noticed some English mistakes, so if that's how the character is, then it is fine but if that wasn't intentional, I'd be happy to go and check the (very minor) grammer issues.

Also, small (actually big) nitpic. If you're asking for critique from disabled people, you should make the site accessible. It's difficult for blind and some visually impaired people to read cartoons, because the readers won't necessarily be able to read the text and they definitely don't describe the scene. A mouseover/alt tag that not only relays the words spoken by the characters, but also describes the scene they are in is essential. You can also put text beneath the pages that does the same thing.

The doctor's notes read "had left hand amputated 3 years prior, uses prosthetic hook, 25 years" when he's 27 years old. Doesn't add up. He either had it amputated at 3 or at 25 (with it rounding up to three years). As written, it sounds like he's been using a hook for 25 years, or maybe you meant this doctor to be witless.

Other than that, it's fine. However, I'm not sure what the purpose of that first scene was. If you meant to show that he's in pain and it's making him irritable, fine, but there's no reference to that at all in the rest of the story. If he's just a general prick, that's fine, but if it's his arm you'd think he would make a reference to it in some way, even if it's a friend saying "How's the phantom pain", even if the disability is incidental to the story. It doesn't mean that the issues are ignored in the course of the character's plot. I understand it's not finished, but three chapters in and I'm still wondering what the point was. If the doctor's visit didn't mention him wanting the drug and he was just in for a physical and the doctor called him a fat ass, and he bitched at her, I wouldn't have these questions or expectations.

Re: reposting, didn't go through the first time

[kstipetic]

Yeah, it's pretty obvious I don't know what I'm talking about as far as ketamine goes. I was just guessing...And I think you're right about it not having anything to do with the rest of the story. I figured I needed some way to introduce the audience to his disability without making it seem mysterious or like a plot point, but it seems like it backfired. It's only two pages, though, so it wouldn't be too hard to re-write.

The doctor's notes, argh! There was supposed to be a decimal there, so 2.5 years. But you can't see it at all! That is easily fixable, though.

And a question is for everyone: Are visually impaired people interested in reading cartoons? I could make the site more accessible if there was any interest.

Re: reposting, didn't go through the first time

[moontoad]

That's a wee bit discriminatory, don't you think? Deaf people can be interested in music even though they might not be able to hear it. Why wouldn't someone who has a visual impairment of some sort not enjoy a graphic novel if properly described?

That said, I have tons of blind and visually impaired friends who love comics and graphic novels. The problem is that most people don't make an effort to make them accessible, so my friends don't actively search them out online. They tend to wait until someone finds one that is interesting, and they relay the scene for them.

Re: reposting, didn't go through the first time

[kstipetic]

I guess I never thought about it before. But I could do transcripts pretty easily, I think, and just link each one to the foot of each page and have those link to each other. Any suggestions on how to make them more convenient?

Re: reposting, didn't go through the first time

[moontoad]

If you want to add to his general disgruntlement, you can have him walking down the street to get to work and have some idiots yell out "hey there captain hook" or something similar. He can throw them an insult or a dirty look as he goes inside. It's completely plausible, especially if you have teenage punks doing it. That would segue into his job pretty

stupid computer

[moontoad]

pretty easily.

Re: reposting, didn't go through the first time

[alias_sqbr]

I don't know much about amputations, but I would have it come up as much as it would come up in his life naturally (I imagine it would sometimes. Like maybe one of the things the kids say in the background chatter is "What's up with that guy's hand?". And Lucian will presumably be curious about it if they've never met before, though he might just think it and be too shy to ask)

Transcripts are useful not just to blind people, but to those with trouble reading small text, dyslexia that makes it hard to read certain colours of text, who speak English as a second language etc. I've had several people thank me for adding transcripts to my comics and image posts because they found them useful.

Re: reposting, didn't go through the first time

[kstipetic]

Funny you should mention that, because actually one of the kids says almost that exact line! The text is a bit small, though...I think transcripts are probably a good idea.

I was hesitant to write in people heckling him about his amputation, because I didn't want it to seem like that's all the story was concerned about. But then again, the absence of it is also weird.

Thanks again for your thoughtful comments!