Thoughts On
I had a much longer entry planned and about 3/4s written out, but then I wrote an intro apologizing for the content, which really didn't need apologizing for anyway because there wasn't anything wrong with it, but you (at least a couple of you) know what I'm like, so... And doing so (apologizing in advance) made me feel even more unsure about it, so I just decided not to post anything except the first section. Here's what survived (the first section did survive in its entirety):
(I feel like it's been too long since my last entry.)
Thoughts on My Recital Tomorrow:
Now, because if I wait until after my recital, it'll be a "How Much I Suck" entry. This is a direct excerpt from my entry in my pen+paper journal last night. I haven't edited/censored it in any way; please don't laugh.
I know that the key to giving a performance of "Still Hurting" that the audience will enjoy and understand is to "Tell. The. Story." I picked "Still Hurting" exactly for this reason; I think the lyrics are outstanding. It tells a story; I'm a sucker for these songs. I need to tell the story, and I need to tell it with emotion. What's kept me from showing as much emotion in this song as I do in others is that it's not easily acted out, and that I have this vague memory of Liz describing a Jason Robert Brown song ("Still Hurting", "Stars and the Moon", or "I'm Not Afraid"?) as not appropriate for the recital, and another description (by Liz) of JRB's music as being about life in your 20s makes it feel just out of my reach. I don't know how to enact it with depth and believability rather than corniness. Okay, a more positive re-wording: I haven't figured out how to enact it with depth and believability yet. I will have this figured out by Saturday.
It's 8:24PM, and I still haven't figured it out...
To give you an idea of the stuff that was in my entry before I butchered it, the other sections were: Thoughts on Death, Thoughts on My Friends, Thoughts on Paris Hilton Going to Jail (this was sarcastic), Thoughts on Myself, Thoughts on The Fact That I Haven't Dyed My Hair In A While and The Color It's Growing Out In Isn't the Color I Remember It Being, and Thoughts on My Beloved Black Converses.
Now, additional thoughts on my recital. The performance isn't even what worries me the most. Sherie Rene Scott herself did it pretty straight in The Last Five Years. And I'm confident that I can improvise pretty well any sections that I haven't practiced, but there's still the To Belt or Not To Belt issue. **headdesk** **throws up hands in frustration at trying to even begin to explain this** Basically, I either A) go with my instinct that certain parts should be belted and that's what the audience wants/expects to hear (I blame the mainstream media for this); try to belt and probably choke on it, or B) go with my value that screaming at the top of one's lungs does not constitute singing and is not necessary to express emotion, the opinion of Jennifer (my voice teacher) that the way I'm singing it is fine and there's no need to belt it, the opinion of matt who doesn't like too much belting, the opinion of my therapist who doesn't like belting either; not belt it and feel like I didn't do it justice afterwards. Both A and B can also be fleshed out a great deal more; there's a rather important Little Voice factor to A, but I can't get into discussing that play now. I'm so nearly panicked right now, that for the second time this week I feel like I won't be able to go on the stage.
There are a couple other things that are bothering me, such as, I've only rehearsed with the accompanist once, I had a nightmare that my teeth started falling out before the performance... LOL! That sounds ridiculous typed out. I'm glad I did it; I needed a good laugh.
I'm forcing myself to end on the only positive thing to look forward to about this: When I first saw the Towne Crier Cafe (where the Music Box chose to hold the recital in), I thought, "It's rather cabaret-ish! I definitely have an edge over the other performers/students (teehee), if only in my mind/how comfortable I feel being there."
Note: This is the non-"How Much I Suck" entry. Tomorrow it would be absolutely self-loathing.
(I feel like it's been too long since my last entry.)
Thoughts on My Recital Tomorrow:
Now, because if I wait until after my recital, it'll be a "How Much I Suck" entry. This is a direct excerpt from my entry in my pen+paper journal last night. I haven't edited/censored it in any way; please don't laugh.
I know that the key to giving a performance of "Still Hurting" that the audience will enjoy and understand is to "Tell. The. Story." I picked "Still Hurting" exactly for this reason; I think the lyrics are outstanding. It tells a story; I'm a sucker for these songs. I need to tell the story, and I need to tell it with emotion. What's kept me from showing as much emotion in this song as I do in others is that it's not easily acted out, and that I have this vague memory of Liz describing a Jason Robert Brown song ("Still Hurting", "Stars and the Moon", or "I'm Not Afraid"?) as not appropriate for the recital, and another description (by Liz) of JRB's music as being about life in your 20s makes it feel just out of my reach. I don't know how to enact it with depth and believability rather than corniness. Okay, a more positive re-wording: I haven't figured out how to enact it with depth and believability yet. I will have this figured out by Saturday.
It's 8:24PM, and I still haven't figured it out...
To give you an idea of the stuff that was in my entry before I butchered it, the other sections were: Thoughts on Death, Thoughts on My Friends, Thoughts on Paris Hilton Going to Jail (this was sarcastic), Thoughts on Myself, Thoughts on The Fact That I Haven't Dyed My Hair In A While and The Color It's Growing Out In Isn't the Color I Remember It Being, and Thoughts on My Beloved Black Converses.
Now, additional thoughts on my recital. The performance isn't even what worries me the most. Sherie Rene Scott herself did it pretty straight in The Last Five Years. And I'm confident that I can improvise pretty well any sections that I haven't practiced, but there's still the To Belt or Not To Belt issue. **headdesk** **throws up hands in frustration at trying to even begin to explain this** Basically, I either A) go with my instinct that certain parts should be belted and that's what the audience wants/expects to hear (I blame the mainstream media for this); try to belt and probably choke on it, or B) go with my value that screaming at the top of one's lungs does not constitute singing and is not necessary to express emotion, the opinion of Jennifer (my voice teacher) that the way I'm singing it is fine and there's no need to belt it, the opinion of matt who doesn't like too much belting, the opinion of my therapist who doesn't like belting either; not belt it and feel like I didn't do it justice afterwards. Both A and B can also be fleshed out a great deal more; there's a rather important Little Voice factor to A, but I can't get into discussing that play now. I'm so nearly panicked right now, that for the second time this week I feel like I won't be able to go on the stage.
There are a couple other things that are bothering me, such as, I've only rehearsed with the accompanist once, I had a nightmare that my teeth started falling out before the performance... LOL! That sounds ridiculous typed out. I'm glad I did it; I needed a good laugh.
I'm forcing myself to end on the only positive thing to look forward to about this: When I first saw the Towne Crier Cafe (where the Music Box chose to hold the recital in), I thought, "It's rather cabaret-ish! I definitely have an edge over the other performers/students (teehee), if only in my mind/how comfortable I feel being there."
Note: This is the non-"How Much I Suck" entry. Tomorrow it would be absolutely self-loathing.