One-shot: I Want to Go Back

Feb 08, 2011 11:56

Author's note February 2011: This was written early 2008. I haven't really changed anything and everything is pretty much the same as when I first posted it back then. Don't expect any sort of quality when it comes to the writing, grammar or the language used.

Title: I Want to Go Back
Author: phoenix_zeal
Pairings: Akame, KoKame, hint of MaruDa
Genre: Angst
Rating: PG
Disclaimer: I do not make any profit from this.
Summary: Jin looks back on how things were and how things are now. Kazuya does the same. They will never go back to how things were...


Jin’s POV:

Akanishi Jin sat alone in KAT-TUN’s dressing room playing his guitar and singing in a hushed voice. Most in the agency had already gone home so everything was dark and silent.

A single tear rolled down Jin’s cheek as he was singing Kamenashi Kazuya’s song ‘Kizuna’. Why did everything have to be so different now? Once they had been best friends sharing everything with each other but ever since Jin announced that he would go to America, Kazuya had been cold towards him.

Jin went and came back more mature; he was now Akanishi instead of Bakanishi. Well most of the time anyway.

Kazuya had still been cold and distant no matter how hard Jin tried to cross the distance between them. It hurt every time he saw Kazuya together with Koki, the two of them now seemed to have what Jin and Kazuya once had. Strong friendship, or maybe even love. And it was hard for Jin to avoid seeing them together since they were band mates after all.

If anyone noticed his pain they didn’t say anything. Maru and Ueda were too busy with busying lavender fields and other things and Junno… well he was just Junno. He tried to make Jin laugh but ended up making him annoyed instead. But still they were quite good friends since the filming of Yukan Club and they were both a bit left out from the group.

Of course none of these things were shown in public. KAT-TUN were as popular as ever and they had to give the fans what they wanted. Six guys having fun together despite the bullying and hard comments. That was their image after all.

Sometimes Jin just wanted to kick and scream and cry but of course he didn’t do anything but smile and act like he was supposed to. He knew that some people thought that he was a bad actor but really he deserved a freaking Oscar for his performance.

He finished playing ‘Kizuna’ and put down the guitar knowing that if he played the song currently in his mind he would probably break down completely. It was Jin’s song for Kazuya. Sure Kazuya had told Jin that ‘Kizuna’ was for him but he didn’t fully believe him. Jin never thought that Kazuya felt as strongly for him as he did for Kazuya.

They had always just been friends, best friends, even if Jin wanted more. But now his love, his first and only, seemed to have gotten together with their band mate. A band mate Jin considered a friend but no longer could stand. Jin curled into a ball silently crying.

Suddenly the door opened and the lights turned on. Jin quickly wiped his eyes with his sleeve and squinted in the sudden light. There in the door opening stood Kazuya.

“Jin”, he said surprised. “Shouldn’t you be at home?”

“Shouldn’t you?” Jin’s voice was hoarse and he had quickly turned his back to Kazuya to hide his tearstained face.

“I forgot something”, Kazuya replied and Jin could hear him search around where his makeup was. “I found it. So, shouldn’t you go home?”

“I will soon”, Jin said. “You go ahead.”

Jin heard Kazuya approach him and he felt a hand on his shoulder.

“Are you okay Jin?” Kazuya forcefully turned him around to face him and saw that Jin had cried.

“Do I seem okay to you?” Jin asked coldly. “It took you almost a year to notice that I am in fact not okay.”

Kazuya winced at Jin’s words.

“I’m sorry”, he said quietly. “I didn’t want things to go like this.”

“Then why did you stop talking to me? We used to share everything and then you start to act like I’m not even here anymore!”

“Well you weren’t”, Kazuya spat. “And we didn’t share everything. You forgot to tell me one very important thing.”

Kazuya glared at Jin who could see tears forming in his eyes before he spun around and ran out of the room leaving Jin to his misery.

Why did things turn out like this? Jin sank to his knees and broke down crying his heart out. I want to go back to how things were.

***

Kazuya’s POV:

Kamenashi Kazuya sat in his car on his way home from the drama shooting, absolutely exhausted. The day had started out with rehearsing for KAT-TUN’s next performance and after that he’d gone directly to the set.

As he sat in the car he remembered that he’d forgotten something very important to him in KAT-TUN’s dressing room so he decided to drive to the JE building. Kazuya put in one of his old CDs in the car’s stereo and pushed play. He didn’t remember what CD it was and was surprised when ‘Care’ started playing. It was a CD Jin had made especially for Kazuya a couple of years ago.

Tears formed in his eyes as he heard the familiar song written only for him. Jin had been his absolutely best friend and his first love. He had taken care of Kazuya and had always been there for him when he needed it. Always making Kazuya laugh, always making him feel warm and safe. But that had all changed when Jin had suddenly announced to everyone that he would go to America to study.

Kazuya had thought that Jin told him everything but he had failed to mention something as big as going to America. Kazuya had been devastated. Jin would leave them, leave Kazuya, for god knows how long and he hadn’t discussed it with him. It hurt Kazuya so badly that he started to act like Jin had already left.

He wanted to protect himself; he knew that he would miss Jin so much that he wouldn’t be able to bear it so he cut himself off from Jin. Kazuya’s feelings of hurt didn’t lessen at all and when Jin left it was a relief at the same time as it hurt so much that he could hardly take it.

Then Koki had been there for him. Koki who had become Kazuya’s best friend since he distanced himself from Jin. Koki who was always there, always caring and never selfish like Jin could be. Never selfish enough to leave Kazuya when he needed him the most. Kazuya had clung onto Koki who hadn’t minded at all.

As time passed by and Jin was still in America, Kazuya and Koki had become more than friends. They were careful not to show it to others though, if it wasn’t for pure fan service that the management told them to do. For Kazuya it wasn’t as much love as comfort, he still couldn’t get over Jin. But he felt bad about it because Koki was such a loving boyfriend and could do anything for him.

Sometimes it became a little too much to Kazuya and then he would lock himself up inside his apartment and listen to loud music. At times he would look at pictures of him and Jin together and cry until he didn’t have any tears left. No matter how much Jin’s betrayal had hurt him he still missed him so much.

Then Jin came back and Kazuya couldn’t bear looking him in the eyes. He was cold and professional towards Jin who seemed to want to cross the distance between them. But Kazuya wouldn’t let him and he tried not to notice how miserable Jin was.

Kazuya parked his car and made his way to KAT-TUN’s dressing room where he was surprised to find Jin. Jin quickly turned his back to Kazuya.

“Jin”, Kazuya said surprised. “Shouldn’t you be at home?”

“Shouldn’t you?” Jin countered and Kazuya couldn’t help but hearing that his voice was hoarse.

“I forgot something”, Kazuya replied and started searching around where his makeup was finding the long silver chain with the pinky ring Jin had given him that he always wore concealed under his clothes. “I found it. So, shouldn’t you go home?”

“I will soon”, Jin said. “You go ahead.”

Kazuya approached Jin, putting a hand on his shoulder.

“Are you okay Jin?” Kazuya forcefully turned around to take a look at his face and found that he had been crying.

“Do I seem okay to you?” Jin asked coldly. “It took you almost a year to notice that I am in fact not okay.”

Kazuya winced at Jin’s words because they weren’t true. It was worse; he had noticed it and ignored it.

“I’m sorry”, he said quietly. “I didn’t want things to go like this.”

“Then why did you stop talking to me? We used to share everything and then you start to act like I’m not even here anymore!”

“Well you weren’t”, Kazuya spat speaking both literally and figuratively. “And we didn’t share everything. You forgot to tell me one very important thing.” That you were leaving me.

Kazuya glared at Jin and felt tears forming in his eyes so he quickly spun around and ran out of the room running all the way to his car where he safely inside let the tears fall down his face.

I want to go back to how things were.

i want to go back, one-shot

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