Jul 01, 2007 23:26
well i know i keep trying to live a life without regrets but i admit that i do have one that really bugs me.
i regret not being able to document most of my memories.
i guess it must be the doc and pub in me but i always keep wishing i had some video, pictures or at least some written documentation of the things that i experienced in my life.
i wish i had more pictures of the times i was still in uniform and of the times just hanging out at the tambayan or at mikey's house. i wish i wrote about the things i went through during the four years i had as an officer in rotc and the thoughts i had about the issues we faced. i wish i wrote down or had a video of every single funny moment i had with the boys or a list of all our inside jokes and one liners. i wish i had pictures of all the sunsets and sunrises i've seen, of the smoke from my cigarettes dancing and curling up into the sky, of the tiny little particles i see in the rays of sun when it's quiet during the morning, of the stars and shooting stars that streak across the sky so fast, of the great black rain clouds and the awesome lightning flashes that rumble within them, of the moon in all its romantic but lonely glory, of the real smiles my friends and loved ones make when something genuinely makes them happy and all the wonderful and amazing things i see. i wish i wrote about all the problems i've went through and how i managed to get through them and end up stronger. i wish i had a more complete journal with all my random thoughts and quirky ideas so i could check my old entries again now and see how crazy i was before.
i wish i could at least in some way keep all those special moments (both happy and sad) forever so i'd never forget. i wish i had documentation so i could go back and see and then smile, reminisce or shake my head while i remember things i've forgotten.
don't get me wrong. i don't really want to live in my past and i don't want it to hold me back. i still am looking forward to the now and to the future. it's just that i have a bad memory for details and i just don't want to forget or lose sight of the past since it is part of my life too.
but anyway, i'm rambling already and i'm really sleepy while i'm writing this. i guess it's no use wishing i recorded the past but at least i can start doing that now.
(of course it doesnt mean anyone else will get to see them. hehe just saying.)