Life
I typically whine in my journals. I've noticed that over the years. I seem to always say the same things- I don't understand or get along with my mother. I have relationship problems. I'm lonely.
It seems that no matter what I do, no matter what my life has thrown at me, good, bad, ugly, beautiful, or blah, I've not been able to appreciate it.
I have come to the realization that all of this is my own fault. I've taken little repsonsibility for my own life over the last several years. I depend far to much on others- friends, significant others, even random people on the internet, to give myself worth. That's why I make many of the decisions I do. That's why I get heartbroken so easily. I don't think I'm upset over losing James neccesarily- I think I'm upset because I lost someone who made me feel like l had worth. I'm not upset that people didnt like the skirts I made- I'm upset becuase they didn't think I was good enough.
But what I need to learn- and it will take time- is to be okay for me. Not for my mom, my sister, my best friend, or my future or past loves. I need to be there for me. I know it sounds selfish, but it's not. If one does not care enough for one's self- not exclusively for one's self, mind you, but enough- then one cannot possibly care for another in the way that they deserve to be cared for.
I will find my peace. my love, my happiness. But I need to find it in myself. And stop looking to find it in everyone else.
It seems that no matter what I do, no matter what my life has thrown at me, good, bad, ugly, beautiful, or blah, I've not been able to appreciate it.
I have come to the realization that all of this is my own fault. I've taken little repsonsibility for my own life over the last several years. I depend far to much on others- friends, significant others, even random people on the internet, to give myself worth. That's why I make many of the decisions I do. That's why I get heartbroken so easily. I don't think I'm upset over losing James neccesarily- I think I'm upset because I lost someone who made me feel like l had worth. I'm not upset that people didnt like the skirts I made- I'm upset becuase they didn't think I was good enough.
But what I need to learn- and it will take time- is to be okay for me. Not for my mom, my sister, my best friend, or my future or past loves. I need to be there for me. I know it sounds selfish, but it's not. If one does not care enough for one's self- not exclusively for one's self, mind you, but enough- then one cannot possibly care for another in the way that they deserve to be cared for.
I will find my peace. my love, my happiness. But I need to find it in myself. And stop looking to find it in everyone else.