Still off,
I still feel a little off. I don't know why. I need to figure it out, but I'm feeling a little better today. I'll take a little better over the same, or worse.
I'm still nervous though. I still don't know what to do about so much... There are so many questions. I think that's why I'm so crappy in relationships, of all sorts. I don't want to fuck them up. I'm scared of commitment, as much as I say I want it. I just want to be sure about something. For once, I want to be totally sure about something.
I can't wait for this semester to be over. I want to get the dumb summer session over with. On the one hand, I'm looking forward to it. I'm looking forward to having to work for a decent grade. To learning something, without all of the fluff. I'll have some more open spaces as far as time goes. I only have two days a week, Hopefully, I'll have a job too, so I'll do even better with the school work. Add Sera's, and all the work I want to do for that, and I'm gonna be a happy clam for a good 6 weeks.
I was told the other day that someone is having a party for me. I'm sure it's not just my party (damn holiday. Who cares that it's Independence Day anyway?) but still. It'll be the first party I didn't organize myself. Or have given to me by my family. I'm looking forward to it. I get my lightsaber around then too, so I'm going to try to do some sparring that night, if I can.
I'm a little scared too. My abdomen kind of hurts, and has been for a few days now. I have no idea what it means. I don't think it's a repeat of october.... but what if it is? I can't handle that again. I can't do that again.... but if that's the case, I can't not do that again.....
I had tried to post more the last time I posted, but it didn't work. I don't feel like retyping it either. Oh well.
I'm still nervous though. I still don't know what to do about so much... There are so many questions. I think that's why I'm so crappy in relationships, of all sorts. I don't want to fuck them up. I'm scared of commitment, as much as I say I want it. I just want to be sure about something. For once, I want to be totally sure about something.
I can't wait for this semester to be over. I want to get the dumb summer session over with. On the one hand, I'm looking forward to it. I'm looking forward to having to work for a decent grade. To learning something, without all of the fluff. I'll have some more open spaces as far as time goes. I only have two days a week, Hopefully, I'll have a job too, so I'll do even better with the school work. Add Sera's, and all the work I want to do for that, and I'm gonna be a happy clam for a good 6 weeks.
I was told the other day that someone is having a party for me. I'm sure it's not just my party (damn holiday. Who cares that it's Independence Day anyway?) but still. It'll be the first party I didn't organize myself. Or have given to me by my family. I'm looking forward to it. I get my lightsaber around then too, so I'm going to try to do some sparring that night, if I can.
I'm a little scared too. My abdomen kind of hurts, and has been for a few days now. I have no idea what it means. I don't think it's a repeat of october.... but what if it is? I can't handle that again. I can't do that again.... but if that's the case, I can't not do that again.....
I had tried to post more the last time I posted, but it didn't work. I don't feel like retyping it either. Oh well.