Stuff
So. Here we are.
First things first. I am 10 days out from the convention that I am helping to run. I am dreading it, looking forward to it, nervous about it, excited. And exhausted. I have been worrying about this damned con for way too long. And, I think they want me to do it again next year. I don't think I'll mind doing it next year, because I can get a jump on it over the summer. Anyway. I have finished the badging, the scheduling, all that. All that's really left as far as the con is concerned is the con. I have a butt load of meetings next week, then the con on Friday.
It's stuff outside of my regular con job that's got my anxious. I have two skirts, two dresses, two pairs of bloomers, waist ties, two headdresses, a headbow, two petticoats, and I'm sure more to finish before the con. I have to get 15 girls together to make my fashion show work. I have the music finished, but that's mainly because I pawned that off on someone else. I shouldn't have, but I took today as a personal day. I did nothing for the con. No sewing, no emails, nothing. I'll do a few emails before bed, but I feel better now.
School is... I'm looking forward to the break. Because of con drama, I've kind of put school on the back burner. It wasn't too bad- my test grades were 80-something, 91, 93, and that was with minimal study. But I've been so stressed and so tired lately, that I don't think that I'm going to do as well on the next two tests (one on Thursday, one on Friday.) I plan on using tomorrow and Thurday as study, maybe sewing days, then doing butt loads of sewing on Friday and Saturday before the Fashion Show rehearsal. Most of the stuff that I need to do needs to be done before then. The dresses and skirts I have until next Friday on. But, I don't honestly think that they'll take till then.
My good mood is fading, though I think that's more stress related than the depression coming back, thank Goddess. I'm fairly certain that I'll be better come Spring Break.
There are other bits of life that are much harder for me to deakk with, and I think that as much as they have been on my mind, I've been really avoiding them. I don't want to grow up, so I've been holding on to, and throwing myself into, things that make me feel younger. Card games I played in high school, role plays, even lolita. At the same time though, I can't ait to be out of school and settled down in my own home. I want my career, or at least a job I can live on. I want my own space where I can do whatever I like (within reson, and the law of course.) If I am to have children, get married, stuff like that, I want to do it. I don't want to wait forever.
My head is all messed up about my relationships too. I don't know what to do. I care a lot about my boyfriend, and as much as I enjoy being around him, I'm not sure that he's the one for me. I guess I'm selfish, but I don't want to be wasting time in a relationship that I don't think is going to last forever, or that I can't possibly imagine it lasting forever. Up until we broke up in February last year, I thought we were going to get married, have kids, and live happily ever after. Now, after all that's happened.... I can't see that happy future anymore. Things that transpired in recent months have made me reevaluate things. Certain things about his personality are starting to bother me a lot more than usual too. I dated his brother before I dated my bf, and I keep seeing mannerisms that remind me of my ex. He's also been reminding me a lot of his father, whom I am not at all fond of.
On top of all that, I am trying to figure out where I stand with my best friend. I know I'm his best friend (one of them anyway). We are a hell of a lot more than just friends, but figuring out exactly what we are hasn't been easy. In fact, it's been nearly impossible.
I'm sure there was more I meant to write, but the time got away from me, because I was also doing like 5 other things, many of them also involving typing. It's late, and I have class in the morning. I'll update more when I can.
First things first. I am 10 days out from the convention that I am helping to run. I am dreading it, looking forward to it, nervous about it, excited. And exhausted. I have been worrying about this damned con for way too long. And, I think they want me to do it again next year. I don't think I'll mind doing it next year, because I can get a jump on it over the summer. Anyway. I have finished the badging, the scheduling, all that. All that's really left as far as the con is concerned is the con. I have a butt load of meetings next week, then the con on Friday.
It's stuff outside of my regular con job that's got my anxious. I have two skirts, two dresses, two pairs of bloomers, waist ties, two headdresses, a headbow, two petticoats, and I'm sure more to finish before the con. I have to get 15 girls together to make my fashion show work. I have the music finished, but that's mainly because I pawned that off on someone else. I shouldn't have, but I took today as a personal day. I did nothing for the con. No sewing, no emails, nothing. I'll do a few emails before bed, but I feel better now.
School is... I'm looking forward to the break. Because of con drama, I've kind of put school on the back burner. It wasn't too bad- my test grades were 80-something, 91, 93, and that was with minimal study. But I've been so stressed and so tired lately, that I don't think that I'm going to do as well on the next two tests (one on Thursday, one on Friday.) I plan on using tomorrow and Thurday as study, maybe sewing days, then doing butt loads of sewing on Friday and Saturday before the Fashion Show rehearsal. Most of the stuff that I need to do needs to be done before then. The dresses and skirts I have until next Friday on. But, I don't honestly think that they'll take till then.
My good mood is fading, though I think that's more stress related than the depression coming back, thank Goddess. I'm fairly certain that I'll be better come Spring Break.
There are other bits of life that are much harder for me to deakk with, and I think that as much as they have been on my mind, I've been really avoiding them. I don't want to grow up, so I've been holding on to, and throwing myself into, things that make me feel younger. Card games I played in high school, role plays, even lolita. At the same time though, I can't ait to be out of school and settled down in my own home. I want my career, or at least a job I can live on. I want my own space where I can do whatever I like (within reson, and the law of course.) If I am to have children, get married, stuff like that, I want to do it. I don't want to wait forever.
My head is all messed up about my relationships too. I don't know what to do. I care a lot about my boyfriend, and as much as I enjoy being around him, I'm not sure that he's the one for me. I guess I'm selfish, but I don't want to be wasting time in a relationship that I don't think is going to last forever, or that I can't possibly imagine it lasting forever. Up until we broke up in February last year, I thought we were going to get married, have kids, and live happily ever after. Now, after all that's happened.... I can't see that happy future anymore. Things that transpired in recent months have made me reevaluate things. Certain things about his personality are starting to bother me a lot more than usual too. I dated his brother before I dated my bf, and I keep seeing mannerisms that remind me of my ex. He's also been reminding me a lot of his father, whom I am not at all fond of.
On top of all that, I am trying to figure out where I stand with my best friend. I know I'm his best friend (one of them anyway). We are a hell of a lot more than just friends, but figuring out exactly what we are hasn't been easy. In fact, it's been nearly impossible.
I'm sure there was more I meant to write, but the time got away from me, because I was also doing like 5 other things, many of them also involving typing. It's late, and I have class in the morning. I'll update more when I can.