ugh
I broke down at work today.
I was feeling ill to begin with this morning, but I felt like I didn't have any energy even after eating before work, and so I had a muffin and a luna bar at work, and it still didn't help. My hip/thigh joint was really acting up today, I was actually limping around cuz it hurt so bad to walk and go up the stairs. On the drive home for lunch (after only being at work 2.5 hours, I got lunch early cuz I wasn't feeling good) I started bawling and didn't really stop completely until about an hour had passed. I'm okay now, but feeling fragile...
I need a different job. One job. It's not that I can't do the Co Op job, it's just that is so far away from what I actually want to be doing, it's really hard on my system to tolerate that much negative. It seems that every customer that comes to my counter is looking for an outlet for their aggression. Me, the polite, engaging, and generally positive person is paid to listen to negative pretty much throughout my time there. I've very rarely gotten a genuinely positive person there that didn't have something to complain about. I've got too much empathy to do this job at the Co Op. I often also get homeless (or close to it) guys that are just lonely... and I understand that they're lonely, so I listen to them, but a lot of them end up talking to me about nothing for like 15 minutes or more. Psychic vampires love me, remember? Even if they're doing it unconsciously.
I'm looking for a new job. I thought this one would get me closer to what I wanted, but it's so far (and the coworkers are so far) from where I want to be, it's breaking my system down. Don't get me wrong, it's not a bad job, but I don't feel that I'm meant for this position at all. It's sucking my life force. If I keep this up, I'll be miserable. I normally don't cry very often. Maybe a couple times a year or so... but I've been crying a couple times a week at least for about a month now.
We'll see where this new-found blinky light bulb will take me...
I miss hippies.
I was feeling ill to begin with this morning, but I felt like I didn't have any energy even after eating before work, and so I had a muffin and a luna bar at work, and it still didn't help. My hip/thigh joint was really acting up today, I was actually limping around cuz it hurt so bad to walk and go up the stairs. On the drive home for lunch (after only being at work 2.5 hours, I got lunch early cuz I wasn't feeling good) I started bawling and didn't really stop completely until about an hour had passed. I'm okay now, but feeling fragile...
I need a different job. One job. It's not that I can't do the Co Op job, it's just that is so far away from what I actually want to be doing, it's really hard on my system to tolerate that much negative. It seems that every customer that comes to my counter is looking for an outlet for their aggression. Me, the polite, engaging, and generally positive person is paid to listen to negative pretty much throughout my time there. I've very rarely gotten a genuinely positive person there that didn't have something to complain about. I've got too much empathy to do this job at the Co Op. I often also get homeless (or close to it) guys that are just lonely... and I understand that they're lonely, so I listen to them, but a lot of them end up talking to me about nothing for like 15 minutes or more. Psychic vampires love me, remember? Even if they're doing it unconsciously.
I'm looking for a new job. I thought this one would get me closer to what I wanted, but it's so far (and the coworkers are so far) from where I want to be, it's breaking my system down. Don't get me wrong, it's not a bad job, but I don't feel that I'm meant for this position at all. It's sucking my life force. If I keep this up, I'll be miserable. I normally don't cry very often. Maybe a couple times a year or so... but I've been crying a couple times a week at least for about a month now.
We'll see where this new-found blinky light bulb will take me...
I miss hippies.