And thus....
everything that i had feared happening happened
just as I had thought out
and I am left hurt
but i've picked up before, i can do so again
some day i'll learn
but not this time.. nope, cause I'm stupid
absolutly fucking stupid
it will never sink in that i wont succeed
i'm just not up to it, I don't meet the bar
and the good guy loses, that's the way of the world
and everyone mocks me unintentionally
saying that I deserve "this" or "that"
that I deserve everything i want
because i am the way i am, and do for others what I do
but regardless of what you think, of what i deserve
what i actually get is what I've always gotten for all my efforts with anyone, everyone, everything
NOTHING
it's not worth it.. but i don't know how to be any other way
it kills me
crushes me
but I continue on because I have to i guess
i just.. don't have any motivation anymore
no purpose for anything
i hate how everyone else will always be above me
before me
better than me
what makes me so low?
what makes me so fucking inferior to everyone else?
i don't fucking understand any of it
there is no logic in it.....
I'm tired of feeling this
feeling this way
I hate it
I want out
I want away
just waiting for another window to escape I guess.....
no regrets this time
I appologize for the mindless rant, i just have so much shit on my mind
that far outweighs the minor bitching revealed here
but I'm sorry all the same
peace
PS- I love being there for everybody when they need me
but when I am down.. why do none of you come to help me?
None of you are worth my effort... you should all feel fucking lucky that i help anyway
just as I had thought out
and I am left hurt
but i've picked up before, i can do so again
some day i'll learn
but not this time.. nope, cause I'm stupid
absolutly fucking stupid
it will never sink in that i wont succeed
i'm just not up to it, I don't meet the bar
and the good guy loses, that's the way of the world
and everyone mocks me unintentionally
saying that I deserve "this" or "that"
that I deserve everything i want
because i am the way i am, and do for others what I do
but regardless of what you think, of what i deserve
what i actually get is what I've always gotten for all my efforts with anyone, everyone, everything
NOTHING
it's not worth it.. but i don't know how to be any other way
it kills me
crushes me
but I continue on because I have to i guess
i just.. don't have any motivation anymore
no purpose for anything
i hate how everyone else will always be above me
before me
better than me
what makes me so low?
what makes me so fucking inferior to everyone else?
i don't fucking understand any of it
there is no logic in it.....
I'm tired of feeling this
feeling this way
I hate it
I want out
I want away
just waiting for another window to escape I guess.....
no regrets this time
I appologize for the mindless rant, i just have so much shit on my mind
that far outweighs the minor bitching revealed here
but I'm sorry all the same
peace
PS- I love being there for everybody when they need me
but when I am down.. why do none of you come to help me?
None of you are worth my effort... you should all feel fucking lucky that i help anyway