Triggering - Sometimes I just need to get this stuff out of my head...
The pain of it all is just too much as I remember your beautiful green eyes. Those eyes that made my walls come tumbling down and my body fall apart at the seams. You mesmerised me, made the rest of the world fade away; all that mattered, all that existed was us, our love.
All I can feel is the tingling in my hands and my heart pounding too fast in my chest. My breath comes too quickly; my fingers tremble as I fumble to open the front door. I feel dizzy, nerves are bubbling in my stomach, I need something to steady myself. Then, there you are. And everything is still. You smile and I melt; I stand aside and you brush past me, stepping over the threshold. Now you are mine.
I close the door and I’m on you in a second. That first touch of skin on skin is electric; I feel the current racing up my arms as my hands stroke every inch of your beautiful face; my fingers moving to clutch at your hair. Your delicate scent envelops me and as you smile up at me, I am home. I pull you close, closer, it’s never enough. I want you inside of me, and me inside of you. When we are one, I am complete.
I pick up the dull silver blade, examining it. Staring at its cold, hard, emotionless faces I smile a pleasure-less smile as I greet my old friend. I am resigned to my failure as I bring the sleek, sharp edge to my skin. I take a breath and hold in my tears as I look up to the heavens in a silent plea for someone to save me. I can’t go on like this. And I think of her, and all that I have lost, because I wasn’t good enough. I’m not good enough. I press down and the sting becomes a pain that makes me writhe in my seat as I drag the blade across my flesh. As I look down at what I have done, I lose my battle and the tears come, dropping down to mingle in rivulets with fresh crimson blood. I watch the steady drip, drip, drip and I am afraid. I’m afraid of who I am, what I have become.
Panic rises in my gut as I realise that the blood is a little too red and the drip a little too fast. It’s going to be impossible to hide this one. The tingling in my hands starts and pain slices through my chest as I’m reminded of you. My heart is pounding too fast behind my ribs. My breath comes too quickly; my fingers tremble as I try to stand. I feel dizzy, bile is bubbling in my stomach, I need someone to steady me. I fall onto my hands and knees as I retch over and over, calling out for you. You don’t come. Nobody does. I am hollow and alone but I close my eyes and there you are...smiling as you turn away from me.
All I can feel is the tingling in my hands and my heart pounding too fast in my chest. My breath comes too quickly; my fingers tremble as I fumble to open the front door. I feel dizzy, nerves are bubbling in my stomach, I need something to steady myself. Then, there you are. And everything is still. You smile and I melt; I stand aside and you brush past me, stepping over the threshold. Now you are mine.
I close the door and I’m on you in a second. That first touch of skin on skin is electric; I feel the current racing up my arms as my hands stroke every inch of your beautiful face; my fingers moving to clutch at your hair. Your delicate scent envelops me and as you smile up at me, I am home. I pull you close, closer, it’s never enough. I want you inside of me, and me inside of you. When we are one, I am complete.
I pick up the dull silver blade, examining it. Staring at its cold, hard, emotionless faces I smile a pleasure-less smile as I greet my old friend. I am resigned to my failure as I bring the sleek, sharp edge to my skin. I take a breath and hold in my tears as I look up to the heavens in a silent plea for someone to save me. I can’t go on like this. And I think of her, and all that I have lost, because I wasn’t good enough. I’m not good enough. I press down and the sting becomes a pain that makes me writhe in my seat as I drag the blade across my flesh. As I look down at what I have done, I lose my battle and the tears come, dropping down to mingle in rivulets with fresh crimson blood. I watch the steady drip, drip, drip and I am afraid. I’m afraid of who I am, what I have become.
Panic rises in my gut as I realise that the blood is a little too red and the drip a little too fast. It’s going to be impossible to hide this one. The tingling in my hands starts and pain slices through my chest as I’m reminded of you. My heart is pounding too fast behind my ribs. My breath comes too quickly; my fingers tremble as I try to stand. I feel dizzy, bile is bubbling in my stomach, I need someone to steady me. I fall onto my hands and knees as I retch over and over, calling out for you. You don’t come. Nobody does. I am hollow and alone but I close my eyes and there you are...smiling as you turn away from me.