Blah..

[crimsonscars]

I've always been upset about my weight.. For years now, I've been overweight and just generally unhappy with my appearance.. But I never realised until today, just how unhappy I am.. I think so much less of myself because of how I look.. I know that looks shouldn't matter.. but fuck.. it just hurts.. Clearing out my wardrobe tonight made me realise how much I need to change about myself.. I have so many clothes that I absolutely adore.. but can't fit into.. There's so many places out there where you can buy really nice clothng.. but I can't fit into it.. I generally have to shop at plus size stores, or in the plus size sections of department stores.. And I can tell you now, there's not much plus size clothing that I like out there.. It's ugly and frumpy.. and I hate shopping for clothes.. I hate shopping even for work clothes.. stuff I have to wear daily at work.. I hate it..

This has been a huge wake-up call to me.. I need to lose weight.. and it's not even just because of how I see myself.. but for health reasons.. I'm so unfit.. I can't be bothered doing anything.. I've become so lethargic.. and I'm sure my weight doesn't help my health at all.. This is something I've needed to do for such a long time now.. and I can't keep making excuses and giving up after a week or two of working at it.. I finally have to put my treadmill to use.. yes, the one I spent $800 on nearly two years ago.. I think I've used it maybe 20-30 times since then.. just a waste of money sitting in the spare room.. It needs to be used.. I need to change..

I just want to feel good about myself. I can't keep feeling this way.