Because it's so necessary
I wrote this out and it deleted ;_;
So I did it again, and it's ten times better ^_^
My take on Queen of the Damned:
Anne Rice, gentle, kind Annie, you can take away my Louis, but you can never take away my ending! This woman always gives me the ending I want and then for my fangirl pleasure SHE DOUBLES IT! Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!! lestatxlouis amazingness!!!!
But the parody is in... so necessary...
"I Never"
A Vampire Chronicles Parody by Kam Rhapsody
Pandora: Okay okay, I got it. (her lovely brown locks fell are strewn across her oval face) I never tried to take over the world.
Lestat: Aw, come on!
The coven, created after the defeat of Akasha, now sat around the table in Night Island. As to why they all sat there was Lestat’s doing. He, as well as Louis, had hunted and found a group of drunks causing a ruckus in the town bar. Cussing and swearing, they cracked the skull of the barkeeper with an airborne chair.
Lestat: Look, murderers!
Louis: I don’t think that constitutes as a murderer.
Lestat: *waits for the rowdy group to leave the bar and corners them in an alleyway* Excuse me, sir! Why did you throw that chair at that man?
Group member: Because we wanted to! Got a problem with that?
Lestat: *looks at Louis, who facepalms* No, no problem at all ^_^ *hits them all and the whole group falls at once*
Louis: *running next to Lestat, who’s carrying all of them*
Lestat: Louis, don’t give me that look. They were all evil-doers! It’s our right as vampires to strike them down.
Louis: Oh, I’m sorry. I thought our right as vampires was not to disturb the natural order!
Lestat: Well, they were!
Louis: ....you have one weird philosophy.
Normally, Louis would have told Lestat to stop even further than he did and maybe have persuaded him not to carry the dead bodies through the front door (regardless of the fact that no mortal saw them), but see, after the snatching of the bodies, Lestat managed to persuade Louis to drink a little of the alcohol-poisoned man. Funny how irony manages to enter their lives isn’t it?
Now Louis was buzzed like a bee and did not mind the fact that Lestat’s hand had been slowly inching its way up his leg since the start of the game. Not at all...^_^
Merake: *sip*
Pandora: What was that for?
-Hand gestures-
Maharet: Akasha
Jesse: *grins* I never made a fledgling!
Armand: *sighs* Are you holding me accountable for him? *points to Daniel, who was currently snuggling on Armand’s left arm*
Daniel: *snuggle snuggle* What’s wrong with me?
Marius: *chokes on his drink*
Mael: You know, he held out on creating a vampire for 500 years...
Lestat: What does it feel like, your first time? I can hardly remember. Care to remind me of it, Armand?
Armand: ....oh...Nicholas....
Louis: *twitch*
Lestat: You wouldn’t dare...
Armand: Conceited rock star!
Lestat: Neglected child complex
Marius: hey...
Armand: Vampire Superman!
Lestat: 500 year old virgin!
Louis: Ah...
....
All the vampires composed themselves.
Marius: Is it just me, or does everyone else notice when Louis talks, all action ceases....
Khayman: I do believe you’re right. *clears throat* I never changed my opinion or stature because Louis spoke.
Silence.
Everyone raised their glass in a collective gesture.
Louis: *beet red* That can’t be true....what was that for?
Maharet: Akasha.
Louis: *sinks into chair*
Santino: You know, watching Louis squirm is quite amusing, yes?
Armand: I agree
Lestat: *glare* You would know....
Maruis: *Sensing a fight* Here’s one: I never fell in love with Louis.
Louis: *now eyelevel with the table, his green eyes flickering to see who would touch their goblet*
Lestat: Come now, Louis. That isn’t proper. *raises Louis up and places him back in the chair, flattening out his clothes.*
Louis: *pouts* You didn’t drink!
Lestat: Of course not *glowers at everyone* I want to see who drinks first....
Louis: *thinking* Over-protective devil....
Lestat: I heard that.
Armand: I’ll challenge that, brat prince.... *takes a sip*
Daniel: *gasp* You were in love with him!?!?
Armand: *groans* I love you now Daniel. You’re a gift to me from Louis... besides....weren’t you?
Daniel: ah....well...
Lestat: *glare*
Daniel: *drinks and bashfully smiles at Louis*
Louis: *too embarrassed to return the favor*
Eric: Before I drink, I must specify that I believe him to be rather cute, not love....yet....
Lestat: Good. I’ll kill you last.
Marius: I don’t think you are able to kill me. *picks up his goblet*
Pandora/Armand/Lestat: MARIUS, WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!?
Marius: *grins and toasts Louis* My cup is for you. *winks*
Louis: *A lovely tomato*
Lestat: I am finding out more things than I actually wanted to know...
Maruis: Lestat, aren’t you going to drink?
Lestat: No, as I am too appalled. Besides, it would take everyone’s cup and then some to match my love for Louis.
Louis: *a lovely chibi tomato*
Gabrielle: How touching *rolls her eyes* No one asked you to do that..... Just take a sip.
Lestat: *begrudgingly takes a sip*
Daniel: *pips up* I never went crazy over modern technology.
Armand: *glare*
Daniel: *grin*
Jesse: I think he’s trying to get you drunk.
Armand: *still glaring at Daniel* Are you drunk or delirious?
Lestat: *stage whisper* There is no difference....
Daniel: Come on, boss, take the drink. Think of all those movies....
Pandora: *leaning forward* What movies?
Daniel: Oh! Well, he’d go around-
Armand: Daniel...
Daniel: And shoot videos-
Armand: Daniel...
Daniel: of himself and me.
Armand: Daniel...
Daniel: There was a really funny one-
Armand: Daniel...
Daniel: after he chased me around the world-
Armand: Daniel...
Daniel: for six years-
Armand: Daniel...
Daniel: of us sleeping together!
Armand: *facepalm*
Lestat: *slow grin* Movies of you sleeping together, you say?
Daniel: Oh yes! But we’d have to be really quick about doing it before the sun came up.
Armand: *groaning in his hands* Daniel...
Daniel: *blinks adorably* Was it something I said?
Lestat: *grinning* Come now, Louis. That’s not proper *hands Louis a handkerchief*
Louis: *holds his nose*
Khayman: I never chased anyone around the world.
Maharet: Yes you did.
Khayman: ...I did?
Maharet: Yes.... me...
Khayman: *blinks* Who are you, again?
Maharet: ...nevermind.
Daniel: *pushes Armand’s glass over to him* For all the hell I went through, you better drink.
Marius: Same goes for Santino and Pandora.
Mael: Marius, you drink too. You did chase the brat prince for quite a while.
Marius: Oh. Right. That’s a part of my life I tend to forget.
Louis: *mumble* choose to forget.
Lestat: *points to Louis cup* Drink
Louis: I never chased anyone!
Lestat: What about me?
Louis: You’re confusing things. You always chased me.
Lestat: That’s not true! You said it yourself in Interview with The Vampire when you went to New Orleans!
Louis: Lestat, that’s not fair! You said that book was wrong!
Lestat: ...not wrong... misinformed....
Louis: Besides that was dumb luck. Blame Armand.
Armand: ...I don’t want to be a part of this...
Lestat: What about San Francisco?
Louis: I was there first!
Marius: He has a point. I checked up on him countless times, especially just after he awoke. He always made the cutest facial expression, still sleepy....
Louis: Right, Marius ch- what??!?
Marius: *smirks*
Lestat: *trying desperately to ignore it, but accidentally breaks off the armrest then causes it to burst into flame* And New Orleans again....?
Louis: I was minding my own business. You came to me again.
Lestat: That was only because Marius and Armand forced me to go.
Armand: It’s not my fault I just so happened had a handyman waiting to drive you to get on the plane....
Marius: Or that we had a plane to begin with, ready for take off with just enough fuel for New Orleans and back.
Armand: Or that I just happen to know who to rob and when and where to get what I want.
Daniel: That was really creepy, by the way.
Louis: *stares at Lestat* Are you trying to get me drunk?
Lestat: ....no.... *smiles on the edge of his cup as he drinks*
Louis: *salutes* I never was assaulted by another vampire.
Mael: Lestat counts.
Louis: ...damnit!
Daniel: *points to Armand* Does he count?
Marius: Yes *drinks as well*
Lestat: *pointedly stares at Louis*
Mael: I never wrote a book
Louis: If the book was wrong, must I drink?
Lestat: *grins* I think you should drink moreso.
Daniel: *swaying* Here that, Armand! I have to drink moreso!
Armand: *takes the glass out of Daniel’s hand and moves it away from him*
Louis: I have another one! *raises his glass* I never fell in love with a human.
Lestat: That's not true. What about Babette?
Louis: *glare* what about Babette?
Daniel: Louis said that he never fell in love with her. He just wanted to be like her.
Lestat: You know, cross-dressing these days are all the rage.
Louis: *glares*
Armand: *willfully drinks*
Daniel: Oh, my! I haven’t fallen in love with a human either!
Jesse: Me neither!
Louis: Does that make us weird?
Marius: No, it just makes you..... well... attracted to death?
Lestat: Does that make us necro-
Louis: Don’t go there, Lestat.
Lestat: *raises his cup* The one that will triumph them all: I never fell in love with The Vampire Lestat!
A Pause
Marius: Do you mean you, the band, or the book.
Lestat: Stop grinning, Louis.
Armand: Either way, you have to drink. You’re the first and last person in love with yourself.
Lestat: Don’t hate me because I’m beautiful, botticelli choirboy.
Marius: Another thing: Is there no such things as an ugly vampire?!?! Are we so materialistic that beauty takes prize over everything else?
Lestat: ...well...yeah....
Marius: ....just curious....
Another pause.
Lestat: All right, half of you better stop lying to yourselves and drink up.
Gabrielle: I will, son! *drinks*
Armand: *whispers to Daniel* Kind of makes you not want to drink, doesn’t it?
Daniel: *laughs, then frowns* YOU WERE IN LOVE WITH LESTAT TOO?!?
Marius: Just drink, Armand. The brat prince will settle down once you do. *He and Armand drink together*
Jesse: ...damn *drinks* What was that for?
Maharet: Akasha
Lestat: *relishing in it* You better drink too, Louis.
Louis: *beyond blushing* I think I have to use to the bathroom....
Armand: I suggest you drink and get it over with, Louis de Pointe du Lac.
Lestat: Quite a mouth full, isn’t it?
Armand: ...You would know.
Louis: *chokes on his drink, but finishes it nonetheless*
Khayman: Wait, Lestat. That’s not fair. You didn’t drink for Louis before.
Lestat: Like you honestly remember if I drank or not.
Khayman: *blank*
Maharet: *facepalm*
Louis: *swaying*
Lestat: *slow smile* Well, I think I’ll hit the coffin a bit early.
Louis: Mon Dieu!
Marius: Lestat! Put Louis down!
Lestat: Have a good night!!! *levitates to his room*
*off screen in the other rooms*
Louis: Lestat! Ah, no! bad touch, bad touch! Damn bastard devil!
Lestat: Say it again, Louis! God knows I love when you tell me I’m bad!
*Louis scream is heard far away from the gathering of vampires*
Marius: Well, that was...awkward for lack of a better word.
Pandora: As awkward as being trapped in sheet ice?
Marius:....actually, yes.....
So I did it again, and it's ten times better ^_^
My take on Queen of the Damned:
Anne Rice, gentle, kind Annie, you can take away my Louis, but you can never take away my ending! This woman always gives me the ending I want and then for my fangirl pleasure SHE DOUBLES IT! Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!! lestatxlouis amazingness!!!!
But the parody is in... so necessary...
"I Never"
A Vampire Chronicles Parody by Kam Rhapsody
Pandora: Okay okay, I got it. (her lovely brown locks fell are strewn across her oval face) I never tried to take over the world.
Lestat: Aw, come on!
The coven, created after the defeat of Akasha, now sat around the table in Night Island. As to why they all sat there was Lestat’s doing. He, as well as Louis, had hunted and found a group of drunks causing a ruckus in the town bar. Cussing and swearing, they cracked the skull of the barkeeper with an airborne chair.
Lestat: Look, murderers!
Louis: I don’t think that constitutes as a murderer.
Lestat: *waits for the rowdy group to leave the bar and corners them in an alleyway* Excuse me, sir! Why did you throw that chair at that man?
Group member: Because we wanted to! Got a problem with that?
Lestat: *looks at Louis, who facepalms* No, no problem at all ^_^ *hits them all and the whole group falls at once*
Louis: *running next to Lestat, who’s carrying all of them*
Lestat: Louis, don’t give me that look. They were all evil-doers! It’s our right as vampires to strike them down.
Louis: Oh, I’m sorry. I thought our right as vampires was not to disturb the natural order!
Lestat: Well, they were!
Louis: ....you have one weird philosophy.
Normally, Louis would have told Lestat to stop even further than he did and maybe have persuaded him not to carry the dead bodies through the front door (regardless of the fact that no mortal saw them), but see, after the snatching of the bodies, Lestat managed to persuade Louis to drink a little of the alcohol-poisoned man. Funny how irony manages to enter their lives isn’t it?
Now Louis was buzzed like a bee and did not mind the fact that Lestat’s hand had been slowly inching its way up his leg since the start of the game. Not at all...^_^
Merake: *sip*
Pandora: What was that for?
-Hand gestures-
Maharet: Akasha
Jesse: *grins* I never made a fledgling!
Armand: *sighs* Are you holding me accountable for him? *points to Daniel, who was currently snuggling on Armand’s left arm*
Daniel: *snuggle snuggle* What’s wrong with me?
Marius: *chokes on his drink*
Mael: You know, he held out on creating a vampire for 500 years...
Lestat: What does it feel like, your first time? I can hardly remember. Care to remind me of it, Armand?
Armand: ....oh...Nicholas....
Louis: *twitch*
Lestat: You wouldn’t dare...
Armand: Conceited rock star!
Lestat: Neglected child complex
Marius: hey...
Armand: Vampire Superman!
Lestat: 500 year old virgin!
Louis: Ah...
....
All the vampires composed themselves.
Marius: Is it just me, or does everyone else notice when Louis talks, all action ceases....
Khayman: I do believe you’re right. *clears throat* I never changed my opinion or stature because Louis spoke.
Silence.
Everyone raised their glass in a collective gesture.
Louis: *beet red* That can’t be true....what was that for?
Maharet: Akasha.
Louis: *sinks into chair*
Santino: You know, watching Louis squirm is quite amusing, yes?
Armand: I agree
Lestat: *glare* You would know....
Maruis: *Sensing a fight* Here’s one: I never fell in love with Louis.
Louis: *now eyelevel with the table, his green eyes flickering to see who would touch their goblet*
Lestat: Come now, Louis. That isn’t proper. *raises Louis up and places him back in the chair, flattening out his clothes.*
Louis: *pouts* You didn’t drink!
Lestat: Of course not *glowers at everyone* I want to see who drinks first....
Louis: *thinking* Over-protective devil....
Lestat: I heard that.
Armand: I’ll challenge that, brat prince.... *takes a sip*
Daniel: *gasp* You were in love with him!?!?
Armand: *groans* I love you now Daniel. You’re a gift to me from Louis... besides....weren’t you?
Daniel: ah....well...
Lestat: *glare*
Daniel: *drinks and bashfully smiles at Louis*
Louis: *too embarrassed to return the favor*
Eric: Before I drink, I must specify that I believe him to be rather cute, not love....yet....
Lestat: Good. I’ll kill you last.
Marius: I don’t think you are able to kill me. *picks up his goblet*
Pandora/Armand/Lestat: MARIUS, WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!?
Marius: *grins and toasts Louis* My cup is for you. *winks*
Louis: *A lovely tomato*
Lestat: I am finding out more things than I actually wanted to know...
Maruis: Lestat, aren’t you going to drink?
Lestat: No, as I am too appalled. Besides, it would take everyone’s cup and then some to match my love for Louis.
Louis: *a lovely chibi tomato*
Gabrielle: How touching *rolls her eyes* No one asked you to do that..... Just take a sip.
Lestat: *begrudgingly takes a sip*
Daniel: *pips up* I never went crazy over modern technology.
Armand: *glare*
Daniel: *grin*
Jesse: I think he’s trying to get you drunk.
Armand: *still glaring at Daniel* Are you drunk or delirious?
Lestat: *stage whisper* There is no difference....
Daniel: Come on, boss, take the drink. Think of all those movies....
Pandora: *leaning forward* What movies?
Daniel: Oh! Well, he’d go around-
Armand: Daniel...
Daniel: And shoot videos-
Armand: Daniel...
Daniel: of himself and me.
Armand: Daniel...
Daniel: There was a really funny one-
Armand: Daniel...
Daniel: after he chased me around the world-
Armand: Daniel...
Daniel: for six years-
Armand: Daniel...
Daniel: of us sleeping together!
Armand: *facepalm*
Lestat: *slow grin* Movies of you sleeping together, you say?
Daniel: Oh yes! But we’d have to be really quick about doing it before the sun came up.
Armand: *groaning in his hands* Daniel...
Daniel: *blinks adorably* Was it something I said?
Lestat: *grinning* Come now, Louis. That’s not proper *hands Louis a handkerchief*
Louis: *holds his nose*
Khayman: I never chased anyone around the world.
Maharet: Yes you did.
Khayman: ...I did?
Maharet: Yes.... me...
Khayman: *blinks* Who are you, again?
Maharet: ...nevermind.
Daniel: *pushes Armand’s glass over to him* For all the hell I went through, you better drink.
Marius: Same goes for Santino and Pandora.
Mael: Marius, you drink too. You did chase the brat prince for quite a while.
Marius: Oh. Right. That’s a part of my life I tend to forget.
Louis: *mumble* choose to forget.
Lestat: *points to Louis cup* Drink
Louis: I never chased anyone!
Lestat: What about me?
Louis: You’re confusing things. You always chased me.
Lestat: That’s not true! You said it yourself in Interview with The Vampire when you went to New Orleans!
Louis: Lestat, that’s not fair! You said that book was wrong!
Lestat: ...not wrong... misinformed....
Louis: Besides that was dumb luck. Blame Armand.
Armand: ...I don’t want to be a part of this...
Lestat: What about San Francisco?
Louis: I was there first!
Marius: He has a point. I checked up on him countless times, especially just after he awoke. He always made the cutest facial expression, still sleepy....
Louis: Right, Marius ch- what??!?
Marius: *smirks*
Lestat: *trying desperately to ignore it, but accidentally breaks off the armrest then causes it to burst into flame* And New Orleans again....?
Louis: I was minding my own business. You came to me again.
Lestat: That was only because Marius and Armand forced me to go.
Armand: It’s not my fault I just so happened had a handyman waiting to drive you to get on the plane....
Marius: Or that we had a plane to begin with, ready for take off with just enough fuel for New Orleans and back.
Armand: Or that I just happen to know who to rob and when and where to get what I want.
Daniel: That was really creepy, by the way.
Louis: *stares at Lestat* Are you trying to get me drunk?
Lestat: ....no.... *smiles on the edge of his cup as he drinks*
Louis: *salutes* I never was assaulted by another vampire.
Mael: Lestat counts.
Louis: ...damnit!
Daniel: *points to Armand* Does he count?
Marius: Yes *drinks as well*
Lestat: *pointedly stares at Louis*
Mael: I never wrote a book
Louis: If the book was wrong, must I drink?
Lestat: *grins* I think you should drink moreso.
Daniel: *swaying* Here that, Armand! I have to drink moreso!
Armand: *takes the glass out of Daniel’s hand and moves it away from him*
Louis: I have another one! *raises his glass* I never fell in love with a human.
Lestat: That's not true. What about Babette?
Louis: *glare* what about Babette?
Daniel: Louis said that he never fell in love with her. He just wanted to be like her.
Lestat: You know, cross-dressing these days are all the rage.
Louis: *glares*
Armand: *willfully drinks*
Daniel: Oh, my! I haven’t fallen in love with a human either!
Jesse: Me neither!
Louis: Does that make us weird?
Marius: No, it just makes you..... well... attracted to death?
Lestat: Does that make us necro-
Louis: Don’t go there, Lestat.
Lestat: *raises his cup* The one that will triumph them all: I never fell in love with The Vampire Lestat!
A Pause
Marius: Do you mean you, the band, or the book.
Lestat: Stop grinning, Louis.
Armand: Either way, you have to drink. You’re the first and last person in love with yourself.
Lestat: Don’t hate me because I’m beautiful, botticelli choirboy.
Marius: Another thing: Is there no such things as an ugly vampire?!?! Are we so materialistic that beauty takes prize over everything else?
Lestat: ...well...yeah....
Marius: ....just curious....
Another pause.
Lestat: All right, half of you better stop lying to yourselves and drink up.
Gabrielle: I will, son! *drinks*
Armand: *whispers to Daniel* Kind of makes you not want to drink, doesn’t it?
Daniel: *laughs, then frowns* YOU WERE IN LOVE WITH LESTAT TOO?!?
Marius: Just drink, Armand. The brat prince will settle down once you do. *He and Armand drink together*
Jesse: ...damn *drinks* What was that for?
Maharet: Akasha
Lestat: *relishing in it* You better drink too, Louis.
Louis: *beyond blushing* I think I have to use to the bathroom....
Armand: I suggest you drink and get it over with, Louis de Pointe du Lac.
Lestat: Quite a mouth full, isn’t it?
Armand: ...You would know.
Louis: *chokes on his drink, but finishes it nonetheless*
Khayman: Wait, Lestat. That’s not fair. You didn’t drink for Louis before.
Lestat: Like you honestly remember if I drank or not.
Khayman: *blank*
Maharet: *facepalm*
Louis: *swaying*
Lestat: *slow smile* Well, I think I’ll hit the coffin a bit early.
Louis: Mon Dieu!
Marius: Lestat! Put Louis down!
Lestat: Have a good night!!! *levitates to his room*
*off screen in the other rooms*
Louis: Lestat! Ah, no! bad touch, bad touch! Damn bastard devil!
Lestat: Say it again, Louis! God knows I love when you tell me I’m bad!
*Louis scream is heard far away from the gathering of vampires*
Marius: Well, that was...awkward for lack of a better word.
Pandora: As awkward as being trapped in sheet ice?
Marius:....actually, yes.....