I wanted you to know, I love the way you laugh, I wanna hold you high and steal your pain away...
[Filtered from Sophie Lawliet, Attempted Private from L//Unhackable]
I don't consider myself the most emotional of people, nor do I feel I'm all that good at expressing myself. I tend to overdo it, be verbose when brevity would suffice, dress it up in fancy words, and just end up frustrating people with my bluntness.
I pride myself on treating people with the honesty and respect I feel they deserve. Doesn't always go over the best, but changing now seems weird. However, I have to be careful, not say what I want to, all because I can't lose this one. It's the toughest thing I've ever had to do, and even though I've been cautioned to watch what I say to him I can't lie to Luke about this.
She doesn't deserve him, mother or not. She claims I don't know how to handle him but I've never treated him like he's broken and needs to be fixed. I most certainly don't neglect him, and all things considered as a psychologist I feel as though my training makes me better equipped to handle his needs.
She questioned my ability to be a mother, citing my lack of children. Told me I should have some of my own, as though I was trying to steal hers or something! If I felt she would truly do right by him, if he were comfortable around her, I'd give up guardianship in a heartbeat. He's not comfortable though, and he wants to stay with me. I want to keep him.
I'll probably never have children of my own, not at the rate I'm going. I can't hold down a relationship to save my soul and everyone I have ever cared for leaves me eventually. It just seems like I'm in a stasis, and if I lose Luke too then I give up. I'll move to some island and be a beach bum, surfing and living off the land.
I'm going to fight her on this, I'll do whatever it takes to win. If I don't, then I have no idea what I'd do. Probably cry, possibly break down, definitely lose it. I can't let that happen, I haven't lost it in years.
...I just needed to get that out.
[ooc: I apologize for posting so much, ze muse is strong lately]