a year is almost over, toughest part to get thru, maybe
so it's been a year since alex was killed, you can never forget your child hood friends. it was haily's 2nd birthday party yestrday. she most definatly hates having cake on her face. she got lotsa cool toys and some clothes. in all, it was fun. it's almost bobby's 1 year anniversary. i miss him so much. it gets easier as time goes by, but i know that the feeling of sadness won't ever leave completly. i went to haunt the other night with my "husband" yvonne, it was fun, not as hard on me as i thought it would be. i almost forgot how much i hate fog juice. lore is fucking shitty this year, everyone is either new, or ready to quit, i can't say i blame them. i like tasha's maze, it looks better than any other maze this year. i got a bunch of clowns in trouble, i can't be held responsible for what my freinds say or do to me while i am in the maze... sorry guys. i'll be going back for one more night with amy and her mom when they come down. i miss amy. i miss alot of peoople, but what you can't have you should never expect, and you should never dwell on.it's a big waste of time, like most people. as for people in the life of tank, brady and i stopped dating, he was too fake. if your going to lie about small things then why would you feel any sort of shame from the big lies. and on that, i miss him, not brady, but the other one. i hate to say it, but i do. i told brady thats part of the reason why i can't date him, not too mentuion that he drinks way too much, and he's always out to impress, but has never done anything impressive. i told spex that we werent dating any more, his response... good girl, i knew you were smarter than that. that ws every ones response, his freinds and mine. as for the him that i was just speaking of... we have been talking a little, but never about the incodent that happened, why everything is the way it is right now. i can't bring myself to tell him that i love him, even though he already knows. he hasn't mentioned her at all, but he wouldn't, he never has, it was always me that said anything. i havn't told him about my hospital trip in june yet, i think it might be better if he doesn't find out, why bring up things that aren't important to us now, even though it's still significant to me, it always will be. i've been doing some writing, helping the mental filters strain everything out of my head. maybe soon i'll be able to talk about it to my friends, but for now,i am silent.