"and i don't know what i'm doing city, the sun is always in my eyes..."
I'm trying to dress myself up a bit for Ebony's birthday. I found my little dress that i wore after graduation. I shaved my legs, and painted my lil toenails, and i don't really have any nice shoes, but that's what i love about my lil flip-flops. They look nice enough to wear with a little dress, and look all cute...
And i'm thinking of Robbie. I can't help but wonder if anything happened between them while he and i were still together...i mean, i know that i don't have much room to talk...i wasn't much of a girlfriend, you know? How could i blame him for falling into someone else's arms...but i just need to know. I mean, i know they are both capable of it...While i was with Matt, she kissed him, and while Robbie was with Sam, he kissed me. I just need to know if anything happened...i emailed him...and now i'm just awaiting a response...they always say that you never realize how much you love someone till they're gone, but that's not it. I knew how much i loved him when we were together the first time, and it killed me when he broke up with me. This time was just so different...i felt like i was afraid to love him...maybe that's what Joe meant when he told me before when he was still going to leave not to be afraid. Because i was so afraid to love Robbie again. Well, i mean, i'll always love that boy. I was just afraid to show it. And now i guess it's really hitting me that he's gone again. I dunno...
I've been talking to that Alex kid a lot, and Spidy also. They're great people, truly. Alex is quite a character. Spidy's just a sweetheart. Spidy told me today that he thinks Alex likes me. That made me smile. Poor kid. If he only knew what he was getting himself into...
"When i came to visit you,
that's when i knew
that i could never have you.
I knew that before you did
still i'm the one who's stupid.
And there's this burning,
like there's always been.
I've never been so alone,
and i've never been so alive..."
And i'm thinking of Robbie. I can't help but wonder if anything happened between them while he and i were still together...i mean, i know that i don't have much room to talk...i wasn't much of a girlfriend, you know? How could i blame him for falling into someone else's arms...but i just need to know. I mean, i know they are both capable of it...While i was with Matt, she kissed him, and while Robbie was with Sam, he kissed me. I just need to know if anything happened...i emailed him...and now i'm just awaiting a response...they always say that you never realize how much you love someone till they're gone, but that's not it. I knew how much i loved him when we were together the first time, and it killed me when he broke up with me. This time was just so different...i felt like i was afraid to love him...maybe that's what Joe meant when he told me before when he was still going to leave not to be afraid. Because i was so afraid to love Robbie again. Well, i mean, i'll always love that boy. I was just afraid to show it. And now i guess it's really hitting me that he's gone again. I dunno...
I've been talking to that Alex kid a lot, and Spidy also. They're great people, truly. Alex is quite a character. Spidy's just a sweetheart. Spidy told me today that he thinks Alex likes me. That made me smile. Poor kid. If he only knew what he was getting himself into...
"When i came to visit you,
that's when i knew
that i could never have you.
I knew that before you did
still i'm the one who's stupid.
And there's this burning,
like there's always been.
I've never been so alone,
and i've never been so alive..."