fic??? maybe.
So, look, it started out with another convo about John Sheppard being kind of weirdtastic (this is the wildly condensed version):
helenish: yeah, poor marines. The thing is, I think they LIKE him. He's just crazy. and he might yell at you. or cry. who knows! WHO KNOWS WHAT MIGHT HAPPEN.
crimsonclad: Right, he can be sort of exhausting to deal with, but they all write really nice annual reviews about him, because they worry that he'd get into a lot of trouble if he didn't have them looking out for him.
Hmm, now I want to write that too-- all the marines trying to act as buffers for John Sheppard's craziness. "NO, DR. WEIR, EVERYTHING IS FINE DOWN HERE, COLONEL SHEPPARD WILL BE AT THE MEETING VERY SHORTLY."
helenish: I think that John actually is a crazy badass, so they want to keep him around--so he got drunk at 11am one day and started shouting about his mom! It's okay! It happens.
crimsonclad:Also, whenever it looks like he's about to have an 'episode' in public, they come to him with urgent requests for him to head to the armory.
helenish: yeah! There's something wrong with one of the guns. or something! something very urgent! They lost a case of ammo!
crimsonclad: After he wanders off after finding a gun sitting in the middle of an empty floor, they all high five each other for saving the day again!
helenish: I think they start out thinking Sheppard is TOTALLY GAY, but they don't care because he's always saving people's asses and shooting Kolya and all, and then it becomes apparent that Sheppard doesn't know he's gay, and keeps hooking up with women, after which he becomes kind of unreasonable and makes everyone go on 15K runs and takes a lot of showers.
I think they keep trying to make him realize he's gay, taking off their shirts when playing basketball, that kind of thing.
And now this:
Lt. Morin ran into the barracks lounge. "Quick, everyone, there's a Colonel Sheppard emergency!"
Everyone sat up straight. Henderson shushed them. "Okay, Morin, what is it this time?"
Morin had a grave expression on his face. "He had orange juice for breakfast."
There were horrified gasps all around. But Morin wasn't finished.
"And a grapefruit."
Henderson stood up. "Okay, this is serious. Does everyone know what to do?"
They all nodded intensely, then synchronized their watches before heading out.
**
Morin tracked down Dr. McKay in the labs, as usual. On the plus side, he was easier to find. Unfortunately, it meant trying to get information from McKay.
"Hey, doc, I'm trying to get some extra intel about your last mission. Could I have just a minute of your time?"
McKay glared at him. "If I wanted to talk about that clusterfuck anymore, I would do it with my therapist, not another grunt. I do not want everyone on this base hearing the story of my public nudity yet again, okay? Is that all right with you?"
Oh, Morin thought to himself. Duh.
"Understood, Dr. McKay. No one will bother you any further on this subject!"
McKay looked a bit puzzled. "Um, fine, okay. Right."
"Have a good day!" Morin called out to everyone in the physics lab. Simpson waved.
**
Cpl. Watson found Col. Caldwell still in the messhall. "Good morning, sir."
Caldwell nodded. "You look a bit tired, Corporal."
Watson nodded, trying to project sheer exhaustion. "Yessir-- Sheppard found my bunk in disarray, so he has me running five extra miles every morning. He is such a stickler!"
Caldwell looked a bit puzzled. "Oh?"
"Yes indeed sir! I guess his time at the SGC really taught him the importance of discipline."
"Uh."
"Enjoy your coffee, sir!"
**
Henderson found Sheppard in one of the lower levels. He was wearing a mexican poncho and sweatpants. "Hey, Eddie," he sighed, lounging against a rusty column.
"Colonel Sheppard, sir."
Sheppard glared up at him. "Not today."
"Is something the matter, sir?"
Sheppard poked at his shoelaces. "Nah."
Henderson felt his Blackberry vibrate, and he pulled it out to find two messages.
From Watson: told Caldwell S. is hardass, he found shadows under eyes v. convincing, good call on having Cadman order Revlon last shipment
From Morin: MCKAY HAD ACCIDENTAL NUDITY ON LAST MISSION, ADVISE GO WITH PLAN INSULT AND/OR REMARKS ABOUT M. LOOKING UNWELL
Henderson nodded, then put it away. He had mentioned McKay looking too thin only a week ago, so it was probably too soon to try that again. "Colonel Sheppard? I don't mean to intrude, but perhaps you could speak to Dr. McKay about something."
Sheppard looked up suspiciously. "Mm?"
"Some of the Marines noticed him having trouble lifting some equipment down in the labs. You might want to suggest that he work out a bit more frequently."
Sheppard was on his feet in a jiffy, and then he was up in Henderson's face with a scowl. "Look, Henderson, Rodney might not be a gym bunny like yourself, but he's strong enough where it counts and when it counts, alright? I mean, he hauled my ass home through the gate three weeks ago when I was unconscious from falling off that building, so I think he manages to get along pretty well without wasting his valuable time on the fucking Bowflex. Okay?"
Henderson nodded. "Yes sir."
"You think that over, and the next time you want to say an asshole thing like that, maybe you'd better think again." He stomped off without looking back, and Henderson sent Sgt. Thompson a message to follow through, then headed back to meet the others.
**
Henderson, Morin and Watson were all waiting together when Thompson burst in, a giant smile on his face. "I just saw him in the labs, wearing his uniform, trying to make McKay eat a sandwich! Mission accomplished!"
"Yeah!" Henderson shouted, punching his fist into the air.
They all high fived. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!
helenish: yeah, poor marines. The thing is, I think they LIKE him. He's just crazy. and he might yell at you. or cry. who knows! WHO KNOWS WHAT MIGHT HAPPEN.
crimsonclad: Right, he can be sort of exhausting to deal with, but they all write really nice annual reviews about him, because they worry that he'd get into a lot of trouble if he didn't have them looking out for him.
Hmm, now I want to write that too-- all the marines trying to act as buffers for John Sheppard's craziness. "NO, DR. WEIR, EVERYTHING IS FINE DOWN HERE, COLONEL SHEPPARD WILL BE AT THE MEETING VERY SHORTLY."
helenish: I think that John actually is a crazy badass, so they want to keep him around--so he got drunk at 11am one day and started shouting about his mom! It's okay! It happens.
crimsonclad:Also, whenever it looks like he's about to have an 'episode' in public, they come to him with urgent requests for him to head to the armory.
helenish: yeah! There's something wrong with one of the guns. or something! something very urgent! They lost a case of ammo!
crimsonclad: After he wanders off after finding a gun sitting in the middle of an empty floor, they all high five each other for saving the day again!
helenish: I think they start out thinking Sheppard is TOTALLY GAY, but they don't care because he's always saving people's asses and shooting Kolya and all, and then it becomes apparent that Sheppard doesn't know he's gay, and keeps hooking up with women, after which he becomes kind of unreasonable and makes everyone go on 15K runs and takes a lot of showers.
I think they keep trying to make him realize he's gay, taking off their shirts when playing basketball, that kind of thing.
And now this:
Lt. Morin ran into the barracks lounge. "Quick, everyone, there's a Colonel Sheppard emergency!"
Everyone sat up straight. Henderson shushed them. "Okay, Morin, what is it this time?"
Morin had a grave expression on his face. "He had orange juice for breakfast."
There were horrified gasps all around. But Morin wasn't finished.
"And a grapefruit."
Henderson stood up. "Okay, this is serious. Does everyone know what to do?"
They all nodded intensely, then synchronized their watches before heading out.
**
Morin tracked down Dr. McKay in the labs, as usual. On the plus side, he was easier to find. Unfortunately, it meant trying to get information from McKay.
"Hey, doc, I'm trying to get some extra intel about your last mission. Could I have just a minute of your time?"
McKay glared at him. "If I wanted to talk about that clusterfuck anymore, I would do it with my therapist, not another grunt. I do not want everyone on this base hearing the story of my public nudity yet again, okay? Is that all right with you?"
Oh, Morin thought to himself. Duh.
"Understood, Dr. McKay. No one will bother you any further on this subject!"
McKay looked a bit puzzled. "Um, fine, okay. Right."
"Have a good day!" Morin called out to everyone in the physics lab. Simpson waved.
**
Cpl. Watson found Col. Caldwell still in the messhall. "Good morning, sir."
Caldwell nodded. "You look a bit tired, Corporal."
Watson nodded, trying to project sheer exhaustion. "Yessir-- Sheppard found my bunk in disarray, so he has me running five extra miles every morning. He is such a stickler!"
Caldwell looked a bit puzzled. "Oh?"
"Yes indeed sir! I guess his time at the SGC really taught him the importance of discipline."
"Uh."
"Enjoy your coffee, sir!"
**
Henderson found Sheppard in one of the lower levels. He was wearing a mexican poncho and sweatpants. "Hey, Eddie," he sighed, lounging against a rusty column.
"Colonel Sheppard, sir."
Sheppard glared up at him. "Not today."
"Is something the matter, sir?"
Sheppard poked at his shoelaces. "Nah."
Henderson felt his Blackberry vibrate, and he pulled it out to find two messages.
From Watson: told Caldwell S. is hardass, he found shadows under eyes v. convincing, good call on having Cadman order Revlon last shipment
From Morin: MCKAY HAD ACCIDENTAL NUDITY ON LAST MISSION, ADVISE GO WITH PLAN INSULT AND/OR REMARKS ABOUT M. LOOKING UNWELL
Henderson nodded, then put it away. He had mentioned McKay looking too thin only a week ago, so it was probably too soon to try that again. "Colonel Sheppard? I don't mean to intrude, but perhaps you could speak to Dr. McKay about something."
Sheppard looked up suspiciously. "Mm?"
"Some of the Marines noticed him having trouble lifting some equipment down in the labs. You might want to suggest that he work out a bit more frequently."
Sheppard was on his feet in a jiffy, and then he was up in Henderson's face with a scowl. "Look, Henderson, Rodney might not be a gym bunny like yourself, but he's strong enough where it counts and when it counts, alright? I mean, he hauled my ass home through the gate three weeks ago when I was unconscious from falling off that building, so I think he manages to get along pretty well without wasting his valuable time on the fucking Bowflex. Okay?"
Henderson nodded. "Yes sir."
"You think that over, and the next time you want to say an asshole thing like that, maybe you'd better think again." He stomped off without looking back, and Henderson sent Sgt. Thompson a message to follow through, then headed back to meet the others.
**
Henderson, Morin and Watson were all waiting together when Thompson burst in, a giant smile on his face. "I just saw him in the labs, wearing his uniform, trying to make McKay eat a sandwich! Mission accomplished!"
"Yeah!" Henderson shouted, punching his fist into the air.
They all high fived. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!