I’ve taken the same ride too many times. I could fall asleep in the loop.
This is going to be another entry full of rage and frustration. Because, really, I feel venting in LJ is healthier than punching my doctor. Which I was very tempted to do today. Why you ask? We were going over options for my wrist. The first option: Learn to live with it. We had a 10 minute conversation about how I could learn to live with my pain, and adjust my lifestyle to the point where I'm not doing these things that hurt my wrist so much. You know, those frivolous things I do. Working, washing dishes, lifting things heavier than two pounds, writing, being on the computer, grocery shopping.. I can just cut all of that right out of my life and manage my pain with the addictive pain medication they have me on that makes me hallucinate.
When I say we had a ten minute conversation about how I could learn to live with my pain, I mean he went on about it for ten minutes, and I tried not to cry or scream in frustration. Learn to live with it. He actually presented that to me as a valid option. Because that's not what I've been trying to do for the past.. what.. 5 or 6 years? It's clearly working so well. Let's keep doing that! Man, his medical degree certainly came in handy today. Money well spent. At no point did I ponder if he'd found his medical license at the bottom of a box of cereal.
I can't escape the stupidity today. Fighting with the insurance company who has decided I don't need a paycheck, and they won't be paying me this week. Which is kind of like fighting with the tide. A complete waste of time and energy, because it can't be reasoned with. I'm usually not so full of negative energy, I'm not enjoying this week at all.
Getting an MRI for my wrist scheduled. Why they don't just schedule all the tests at once is beyond my comprehension. The MRI that the surgeon said has an 80% chance of being a useless waste of time. Seriously. He actually said "This won't show us anything we don't already know, but we should get it done." Is there logic in there somewhere? Does that make sense to anyone? Because I spent a good minute blinking at him, trying to figure out if he was serious. The answer was yes, 100% serious. After this MRI that I need to get for unknown illogical reasons, he's going to look at doing the carpal tunnel surgery anyway. Because, really, all those tests he's sending me for might be wrong. And it could help. Maybe.
If the surgery doesn't help? No problem. Option number one is still there! I could just stop bitching so much and learn to live with it. In my cardboard box under the freeway. Because I won't have that pesky job that hurts my wrist anymore. Because he has no idea what's wrong with me. It's always comforting to hear that from a doctor. I'm full of warm happy thoughts, and have every confidence that this will turn out ok.
I feel like I should stop before my sarcasm breaks the internet. I'm going to go face plant into some ice cream and try to salvage my sanity. Hopefully locate my optimism and get out of this negative black hole I've been stuck in this week. It's really not helping anything. Hey, worst case scenario: I get my own medical degree and solve my own problems. *thumbs up*
The Beauty
If love and beauty were easy to find, they would not exist. Chaos and sadness exist in order for you to find the love and beauty in them. So that love and beauty mean something. It's meant to be hard.
- I Wrote This For You
When I say we had a ten minute conversation about how I could learn to live with my pain, I mean he went on about it for ten minutes, and I tried not to cry or scream in frustration. Learn to live with it. He actually presented that to me as a valid option. Because that's not what I've been trying to do for the past.. what.. 5 or 6 years? It's clearly working so well. Let's keep doing that! Man, his medical degree certainly came in handy today. Money well spent. At no point did I ponder if he'd found his medical license at the bottom of a box of cereal.
I can't escape the stupidity today. Fighting with the insurance company who has decided I don't need a paycheck, and they won't be paying me this week. Which is kind of like fighting with the tide. A complete waste of time and energy, because it can't be reasoned with. I'm usually not so full of negative energy, I'm not enjoying this week at all.
Getting an MRI for my wrist scheduled. Why they don't just schedule all the tests at once is beyond my comprehension. The MRI that the surgeon said has an 80% chance of being a useless waste of time. Seriously. He actually said "This won't show us anything we don't already know, but we should get it done." Is there logic in there somewhere? Does that make sense to anyone? Because I spent a good minute blinking at him, trying to figure out if he was serious. The answer was yes, 100% serious. After this MRI that I need to get for unknown illogical reasons, he's going to look at doing the carpal tunnel surgery anyway. Because, really, all those tests he's sending me for might be wrong. And it could help. Maybe.
If the surgery doesn't help? No problem. Option number one is still there! I could just stop bitching so much and learn to live with it. In my cardboard box under the freeway. Because I won't have that pesky job that hurts my wrist anymore. Because he has no idea what's wrong with me. It's always comforting to hear that from a doctor. I'm full of warm happy thoughts, and have every confidence that this will turn out ok.
I feel like I should stop before my sarcasm breaks the internet. I'm going to go face plant into some ice cream and try to salvage my sanity. Hopefully locate my optimism and get out of this negative black hole I've been stuck in this week. It's really not helping anything. Hey, worst case scenario: I get my own medical degree and solve my own problems. *thumbs up*
The Beauty
If love and beauty were easy to find, they would not exist. Chaos and sadness exist in order for you to find the love and beauty in them. So that love and beauty mean something. It's meant to be hard.
- I Wrote This For You