it's my turn..
i devoted tonight to rereading older things. and i've concluded this thing is going downhill, fast. so i decided to enlighten the situation and inform myself on what is going on in my life other then the non-sensesicle bullshit i apparently write about all the time. for starters i've been sick for awhile now. nothing too serious. just this nagging cough. also, lately i've been thinking a lot about living by myself next year. i just want to have a place where the mess, the clean, the stuff (as limited as it may be), the food, the tub, and light bulbs are all mine. subsequently, reflecting me one hundred percent. it sounds nice in theory. i'm jsut worried about all the time alone. i don't go much of a day with my mouth shut. i need that human contact. that distraction from my mind. i think my friends are all simply going to have to live near me. i also, think, i know what i want in a place. there's these one room studio style apartments on top of a pizza joint downtown that i want to look into. and i've decided it makes sense for me to live in that area if i'm going to be spending the next 2 years on the architecture and planning campus. i feel as if i'm more then done with university-town.
so i feel like everything i've said is as unimportant as the time of day. which (based upon my 2.5 hour late arrival at pete's this morning) can be neglected. that said, work is good. i'm enjoying the respect i feel i'm show (but believe i've worked hard for). i'm only saying any of this as a means to avoid the thoughts being held behind my face. thoughts of disappointments and frustrations. persistent like inhaling. thoughts about the mound of school work i have been slowly piling high. the hundred pages of leagl sized law readings, the group presentation(s), the research assignment(s), the formal lab, the conservation mid-term, the model, both portfolios. i can't wait to make it through the next five days. with practically everyone going away to visit sarah in tronto i'm vowing to do little besides school work and employment for my entire reading week (it's time to catch up). but, honestly, right now those aren’t the most pressing thoughts. the most pressing (as always is the case) are about a boy. that intangible figure. a fathom really. an idea. a motivation, finally. a pronoun worth mentioning. and to put an end to all the 13 year-girly-ness of this entry; tonight, i'm growing some balls and tomorrow i'm going to do something about it.
nathan.
so i feel like everything i've said is as unimportant as the time of day. which (based upon my 2.5 hour late arrival at pete's this morning) can be neglected. that said, work is good. i'm enjoying the respect i feel i'm show (but believe i've worked hard for). i'm only saying any of this as a means to avoid the thoughts being held behind my face. thoughts of disappointments and frustrations. persistent like inhaling. thoughts about the mound of school work i have been slowly piling high. the hundred pages of leagl sized law readings, the group presentation(s), the research assignment(s), the formal lab, the conservation mid-term, the model, both portfolios. i can't wait to make it through the next five days. with practically everyone going away to visit sarah in tronto i'm vowing to do little besides school work and employment for my entire reading week (it's time to catch up). but, honestly, right now those aren’t the most pressing thoughts. the most pressing (as always is the case) are about a boy. that intangible figure. a fathom really. an idea. a motivation, finally. a pronoun worth mentioning. and to put an end to all the 13 year-girly-ness of this entry; tonight, i'm growing some balls and tomorrow i'm going to do something about it.
nathan.