What's been going on
Nothing really, but I am getting depressed again.....
Last night, my mom and I went and saw The Omen (kick ass mother fuckin movie)but before we got into the theatre, we stopped to hand that dude at the door our tickets, some preppy chick wearing a small top that bared her middrif and shorts walked up and ask him where some thing was, he took a good five mins to explain it to her like he had to stand there and stare at her. I can't even explain how teerible this made me feel, it actually suprised me. I was wearing jeans my sneakers and a t-shirt that said "theres no shame in my game", My hair was half up in a bun, no makeup I was being casual (I was out with my mom for god's sake) but he completely forgot my mom and I were standing there for a bit. It was repulsive, the way he looked a her and talked to her, but for some reason it made me jealous. It actually made me cry once we got home. Even though it felt good to get it out I felt like to stupidest person to ever live because I was craddling myself, saying over and over that I was in fact pretty. Maybe not as pretty as other girls who can afford to waste money on manicures and tight clothes that show off more than even your imagination wanted to see, but I guess pretty enough......Well, all of that shit must have made me sound like a dumb immature little person but I don't really care right now. It made me feel worse than I have in weeks and it all happened in a matter of seconds. It was so bad I considered cutting to have a new scar, so something on me could at least be pretty for me, but I knocked back that thought entirely. I am so sick of being the invisible girl, I had to live in my sister's shadow till people started figuring out she was pregnant, and now I'm pushed back for a goddamned mo personality havin prep? I won't take this, time for some change. Also,My sister is going through alot of shit and she's depending on me to emotional help her....I wish I could say I was honored to do so or something but I really can't. I've helped through so much and gotten nothing in retun, all she says when I have a problem is "get over it". Some help there sis, thanks. It's sick the way she treats people, plus she thinks everyone loves her and is dying to be her, when really people don't even like her that much. *sighs* I can't even explain all the other things running through my head for no damn reason.
I know why all of this is happening to me now though. I'm terribly nervous. If you can't figure out about what, I'll explain......what month is it? June. What day is it? The 9th. What's the 20th? My --ONE YEAR ANNIVERSARY-- I'm nervous as hell, because "Just when you think you have suceeded, you will slip and all will fail" Another quote by me and it fits......I can't type anymore I'm distracted.
Will Update Later
Last night, my mom and I went and saw The Omen (kick ass mother fuckin movie)but before we got into the theatre, we stopped to hand that dude at the door our tickets, some preppy chick wearing a small top that bared her middrif and shorts walked up and ask him where some thing was, he took a good five mins to explain it to her like he had to stand there and stare at her. I can't even explain how teerible this made me feel, it actually suprised me. I was wearing jeans my sneakers and a t-shirt that said "theres no shame in my game", My hair was half up in a bun, no makeup I was being casual (I was out with my mom for god's sake) but he completely forgot my mom and I were standing there for a bit. It was repulsive, the way he looked a her and talked to her, but for some reason it made me jealous. It actually made me cry once we got home. Even though it felt good to get it out I felt like to stupidest person to ever live because I was craddling myself, saying over and over that I was in fact pretty. Maybe not as pretty as other girls who can afford to waste money on manicures and tight clothes that show off more than even your imagination wanted to see, but I guess pretty enough......Well, all of that shit must have made me sound like a dumb immature little person but I don't really care right now. It made me feel worse than I have in weeks and it all happened in a matter of seconds. It was so bad I considered cutting to have a new scar, so something on me could at least be pretty for me, but I knocked back that thought entirely. I am so sick of being the invisible girl, I had to live in my sister's shadow till people started figuring out she was pregnant, and now I'm pushed back for a goddamned mo personality havin prep? I won't take this, time for some change. Also,My sister is going through alot of shit and she's depending on me to emotional help her....I wish I could say I was honored to do so or something but I really can't. I've helped through so much and gotten nothing in retun, all she says when I have a problem is "get over it". Some help there sis, thanks. It's sick the way she treats people, plus she thinks everyone loves her and is dying to be her, when really people don't even like her that much. *sighs* I can't even explain all the other things running through my head for no damn reason.
I know why all of this is happening to me now though. I'm terribly nervous. If you can't figure out about what, I'll explain......what month is it? June. What day is it? The 9th. What's the 20th? My --ONE YEAR ANNIVERSARY-- I'm nervous as hell, because "Just when you think you have suceeded, you will slip and all will fail" Another quote by me and it fits......I can't type anymore I'm distracted.
Will Update Later