Update and Two New Poems
I was up all night last night and the night before and before that I only got an hour of sleep because I had to wake up at 3am to be somewhere and 430am, so, I'll say it, I AM FUCKING TIRED. But, I'll be okay, don't worry bout it, I'll just go my ass to bed tonight XD You wanna know what's bad? Five of my friends are on pills for depression, I feel bad for em cause pills suck, I know. But I had a doctors appt yesterday told my doctor everything about what's been going on lately, and he took me off my PD pills. I have PD by the way....Panic Disorder, it started when I was little. I started takin a fun lil blue pill every morning sice I was 9 and they did help, but now I don't have to take them. It's weird, my PD was baaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaad, so I ask "What do I do if it starts to act up again?" and he said "Call me, and I'll put you back on them, I'm trying to see if you can go without them." So far so good I guess. I havn't freaked out anything yet. I'm just waiting till I do. Anyways, other than that, everythings good, broke through my writer's block, you'll see in a few XD and I cleaned the livin shit outta the kitchen yesterday, which was actually fun. I was bored so I cleaned....tommorrow I gotta do the yard. That will be fun....it might be hot so technically I'm going to tanktop town! Haha, neighbor boys will like that I bet. All is well, got a funeral to go to on sunday, Wicked's mom passed. I never met the women, I'm going for Wicked...poor girl. The things I do for friends....I really hate funerals. Love graveyards, coffins and things like that but not funerals. Bad atmosphere really. Anyways, *thinks for a sec* that's all that's happened lately.
On the the poetry, wrote em yesterday morning....I like them -alot-.
~What Sisters Are For~
At the end of the tunnel,
There is a light that you cannot see,
They are waiting for us there
I've come to lead you
Walk with you hand in hand
Step by step
If you need my help,
I'll be along the way,
Mearly one pace behind,
So you can get up,
Incase you fall again
We can get through this together,
If we take it day by day
I know you can do it,
The strength is in you,
I'll give you the magic to find it
I'll be your flashlight,
While you're in the darkness
This is what sisters are for
By:Me
For:My loverly sissy Alli
April,27,2006
Started 9:37 AM
Finished 9:54 AM
~I Could Make It~
Scratching...
Bleeding...
Irresitiable pain...
Cutting!
I used to do it all the time, you see
I have stopped though
My scars are slowly fading,
Soon I won't have to cover them with foundation
I'm not sure where I found the courage to quit
I was so scared at first
Like cutting was the only way to save me from the nightmare of life
I didn't want to stop,
It was my only was to deal
But seeing who I am now,
And who I was then
I'm glad I did
You see, cutting took over my life
Angry? cut
Sad? cut
Happy? cut
Depressed? cut
Buy more medical supplies
Long sleeves in summer to hide the lies
When I smiled, I always seemed happy
But I was dying inside
I didn't know how to tell people,
My pride wouldn't let me ask for help
So I dealt with it,
For as long as I could
All alone in this world,
Constantly cleaning up blood
People begged me to stop,
Once they found the cuts
I never listened,
Cutting became my only escape from this enternal Hell
Soon, the begging got old,
And I decided to comply
I didn't want too
I'll never really know why I was happy when my one month anniversary hit
But, I remember when I realized my real reason to quit....
Dark night in August, around 2AM
My dad just started fighting with my mom again
I was crying so hard,
Only wanting it to stop
Looked at my wrist,
Saw the blue vein,
Just begging to be split
I thought of all the things I went through in the last two months, trying to quit
I thought it wasn't worth it,
Said "Fuck it, What's the point?"
Grabbed a razor blade,
Ready to cut
Crying harder now,
Asking myself why my life was like this
Then I looked in front of me,
And saw my real reason to quit
I should've noticed it before,
It was always in front of me
All I had to do was see
Do you know what I was looking at?
Me
I found my strength,
My independance
I found out I was worth it,
And I could make it
I've been cut free for 10 months now,
Not meaning to rub it in
Just saying, I could help you
You can let yourself win
If you struggle with cutting and don't want to quit
That's fine, I'm not here to judge
Just remember, if you ever need it...
I'm full of loving hugs
By:Me
For:Anyone with S.I.
April,27,2006
Started 10:01AM
Finished 10:24AM
Okay, that's it, enjoy, I love you guys *muah!*
Will Update Later
On the the poetry, wrote em yesterday morning....I like them -alot-.
~What Sisters Are For~
At the end of the tunnel,
There is a light that you cannot see,
They are waiting for us there
I've come to lead you
Walk with you hand in hand
Step by step
If you need my help,
I'll be along the way,
Mearly one pace behind,
So you can get up,
Incase you fall again
We can get through this together,
If we take it day by day
I know you can do it,
The strength is in you,
I'll give you the magic to find it
I'll be your flashlight,
While you're in the darkness
This is what sisters are for
By:Me
For:My loverly sissy Alli
April,27,2006
Started 9:37 AM
Finished 9:54 AM
~I Could Make It~
Scratching...
Bleeding...
Irresitiable pain...
Cutting!
I used to do it all the time, you see
I have stopped though
My scars are slowly fading,
Soon I won't have to cover them with foundation
I'm not sure where I found the courage to quit
I was so scared at first
Like cutting was the only way to save me from the nightmare of life
I didn't want to stop,
It was my only was to deal
But seeing who I am now,
And who I was then
I'm glad I did
You see, cutting took over my life
Angry? cut
Sad? cut
Happy? cut
Depressed? cut
Buy more medical supplies
Long sleeves in summer to hide the lies
When I smiled, I always seemed happy
But I was dying inside
I didn't know how to tell people,
My pride wouldn't let me ask for help
So I dealt with it,
For as long as I could
All alone in this world,
Constantly cleaning up blood
People begged me to stop,
Once they found the cuts
I never listened,
Cutting became my only escape from this enternal Hell
Soon, the begging got old,
And I decided to comply
I didn't want too
I'll never really know why I was happy when my one month anniversary hit
But, I remember when I realized my real reason to quit....
Dark night in August, around 2AM
My dad just started fighting with my mom again
I was crying so hard,
Only wanting it to stop
Looked at my wrist,
Saw the blue vein,
Just begging to be split
I thought of all the things I went through in the last two months, trying to quit
I thought it wasn't worth it,
Said "Fuck it, What's the point?"
Grabbed a razor blade,
Ready to cut
Crying harder now,
Asking myself why my life was like this
Then I looked in front of me,
And saw my real reason to quit
I should've noticed it before,
It was always in front of me
All I had to do was see
Do you know what I was looking at?
Me
I found my strength,
My independance
I found out I was worth it,
And I could make it
I've been cut free for 10 months now,
Not meaning to rub it in
Just saying, I could help you
You can let yourself win
If you struggle with cutting and don't want to quit
That's fine, I'm not here to judge
Just remember, if you ever need it...
I'm full of loving hugs
By:Me
For:Anyone with S.I.
April,27,2006
Started 10:01AM
Finished 10:24AM
Okay, that's it, enjoy, I love you guys *muah!*
Will Update Later