Birthday's are stupid
The older I get the more I hate my birthday. It has absolutely nothing about getting older, not yet anyway. No, my birthday hatred is more self absorbed than that. My favorite birthday is when I turned 20. I was a Sophomore in college and my roommates threw me a surprise party. They did it on Valentines day and I think it was a Friday night. They all stayed home (they were all older and could go to the bars and clubs so I spent a lot of time alone in our dorm room), they made me a cake, and they played a board game with me that I had been trying to get someone to play with me for the longest time. It was something that I didn't have to plan and it was all about me, I loved it.
It seems like since then, every birthday I have to plan my own "party" or nobody does anything for me. A couple of years ago I did an experiment and didn't plan anything just to see if someone else would... they didn't. I don't remember what I ended up doing but it wasn't anything particularly special. Last year was pretty much the same but I'm pretty sure I asked some of my family to go out to dinner with me. I love Josh to pieces but he's really not on the ball about these things. Today he asked if my parents might be able to take Delia for a while this weekend and when I asked him what for he said it was so we could try to organize the basement and storage. I said "well, my birthday is on Saturday" and he says back "oh, that's right, for some reason I was thinking it was in the middle of the week, I keep forgetting what day it is" (meaning the date today, not my actual birth date).
My friend Tina invited me to go to a movie with her. There's a place in Portland that is playing Casablanca on Saturday and she asked if I wanted to go. It's really nice that she thought of me and invited me but I can't help but feeling like I'm an after thought. She loves me, I know she does, we've been friends for what seems like forever. The thing is though is that our lives are completely different and while we try not to let that affect our friendship and we do our best at it, it still does. She live in the city and has close friends there that she sees every day. I live in the country (45 minutes away). She does a lot of stuff with the friends who live closer to her (which is understandable) and I don't get invited to much so I kind of feel like this is more of a "I want to go see Casablanca but it's Larissa's birthday so I'll invite her so I can do both" type of thing. Maybe I'm just having a pity party and that's not what it is at all, but it's hard not to feel that way and that's not how I want it to be. I want my birthday to be about me, not about something someone else wants to do that I get to tag along. If she had invited me any other time and it hadn't been my birthday I would have been thrilled to get the invitation but like I said, it feels too much like an after thought. Sometimes I feel that if it wasn't for the fact that she's been friends with me for longer than any of her other friends, that she wouldn't think of me as her "bff" at all because when it comes down to it lately she really doesn't tell me much of anything and sometimes it feels like I hardly know her at all anymore.
Wow, this has gotten extremely depressing.
Sorry for bringing the room down :)
It seems like since then, every birthday I have to plan my own "party" or nobody does anything for me. A couple of years ago I did an experiment and didn't plan anything just to see if someone else would... they didn't. I don't remember what I ended up doing but it wasn't anything particularly special. Last year was pretty much the same but I'm pretty sure I asked some of my family to go out to dinner with me. I love Josh to pieces but he's really not on the ball about these things. Today he asked if my parents might be able to take Delia for a while this weekend and when I asked him what for he said it was so we could try to organize the basement and storage. I said "well, my birthday is on Saturday" and he says back "oh, that's right, for some reason I was thinking it was in the middle of the week, I keep forgetting what day it is" (meaning the date today, not my actual birth date).
My friend Tina invited me to go to a movie with her. There's a place in Portland that is playing Casablanca on Saturday and she asked if I wanted to go. It's really nice that she thought of me and invited me but I can't help but feeling like I'm an after thought. She loves me, I know she does, we've been friends for what seems like forever. The thing is though is that our lives are completely different and while we try not to let that affect our friendship and we do our best at it, it still does. She live in the city and has close friends there that she sees every day. I live in the country (45 minutes away). She does a lot of stuff with the friends who live closer to her (which is understandable) and I don't get invited to much so I kind of feel like this is more of a "I want to go see Casablanca but it's Larissa's birthday so I'll invite her so I can do both" type of thing. Maybe I'm just having a pity party and that's not what it is at all, but it's hard not to feel that way and that's not how I want it to be. I want my birthday to be about me, not about something someone else wants to do that I get to tag along. If she had invited me any other time and it hadn't been my birthday I would have been thrilled to get the invitation but like I said, it feels too much like an after thought. Sometimes I feel that if it wasn't for the fact that she's been friends with me for longer than any of her other friends, that she wouldn't think of me as her "bff" at all because when it comes down to it lately she really doesn't tell me much of anything and sometimes it feels like I hardly know her at all anymore.
Wow, this has gotten extremely depressing.
Sorry for bringing the room down :)