Life overhaul, 2010.
Certainly haven't updated this thing in awhile. I used to update often and had little to say, now I update never even though so much has happened.
I have moved. Living in a wonderfully well priced home that I adore with the loves of my life. Eres, and Mr. Wheelock. I was working at Target for awhile, just long enough to get siutated and survive the holidays/ Eres' bday I guess. But alas, it was a seasonal job and am again, jobless. Le sigh. Luckily I learned from other peoples mistakes how not to handle my money, and thus have enough in the bank for a couple months of rent.
All in all, life is damn near perfect. I've never been happier, and when I think about where and who I was one year ago...Well, I am ashamed to say the least. I welcomed 2009 drunkenly and in a very stupid mindset. I allowed people to hurt me in ways that no one should ever experience, I endured too much simply because I had accepted that I was not worthy of real hapiness. I had forgotten the real me, and drowned my sorrows in alcohol each night. Sometimes even sipping through the day when no one was looking, smoking just to keep my hands busy.
In the midst of my depression and lets call it my own oddly timed life crisis, came some very unexpected changes. My indifferent attitude towards my past relationship, destroyed what little feeling was left there. This attitude also brought me to my love, who is one of the most amazing individuals I have ever met. We riminisced over our strange meeting, and how our relationship developed in the midst of such an odd time in my own life. Basically had any of 2009's events happened even slightly differently, we'd not be here together. And while it still irks me, and pangs me ever so slightly to think of the pain I suffered for so long I know now why it happened the way it did and what it was all leading me to. Not only am I where I am because of everything, but I'm stronger and a better person because of it all. I've grown wiser, and appreciate more.
I came into 2009 bitter, cold hearted...uncaring. I believed whole-heartedly that there was nothing better waiting for me than a stagnant relationship with a person I felt little to no connection with. And with that attitude I behaved however I wanted. The drinking led to stupidity on more than one occassion. And it even hindered my judgement when it came to recognizing both emotional, and perhaps the beginning hints of physical abuse. 2010 however, is completely different. Drinking, is nearly obsolete. Nights are spent home with my loves, I'm more responsible and caring towards everyone. I laugh all the time, enjoy the company of good friends who have never gotten me into any real trouble. Every morning is greeted with a smile, kiss, and nuzzle.
Seems all those silly wishes I made when I was a kid, have finally come true. This is everything I've ever wanted. I've never asked for much, nothing fancy. Just real happiness. And to be around people I love.
I have moved. Living in a wonderfully well priced home that I adore with the loves of my life. Eres, and Mr. Wheelock. I was working at Target for awhile, just long enough to get siutated and survive the holidays/ Eres' bday I guess. But alas, it was a seasonal job and am again, jobless. Le sigh. Luckily I learned from other peoples mistakes how not to handle my money, and thus have enough in the bank for a couple months of rent.
All in all, life is damn near perfect. I've never been happier, and when I think about where and who I was one year ago...Well, I am ashamed to say the least. I welcomed 2009 drunkenly and in a very stupid mindset. I allowed people to hurt me in ways that no one should ever experience, I endured too much simply because I had accepted that I was not worthy of real hapiness. I had forgotten the real me, and drowned my sorrows in alcohol each night. Sometimes even sipping through the day when no one was looking, smoking just to keep my hands busy.
In the midst of my depression and lets call it my own oddly timed life crisis, came some very unexpected changes. My indifferent attitude towards my past relationship, destroyed what little feeling was left there. This attitude also brought me to my love, who is one of the most amazing individuals I have ever met. We riminisced over our strange meeting, and how our relationship developed in the midst of such an odd time in my own life. Basically had any of 2009's events happened even slightly differently, we'd not be here together. And while it still irks me, and pangs me ever so slightly to think of the pain I suffered for so long I know now why it happened the way it did and what it was all leading me to. Not only am I where I am because of everything, but I'm stronger and a better person because of it all. I've grown wiser, and appreciate more.
I came into 2009 bitter, cold hearted...uncaring. I believed whole-heartedly that there was nothing better waiting for me than a stagnant relationship with a person I felt little to no connection with. And with that attitude I behaved however I wanted. The drinking led to stupidity on more than one occassion. And it even hindered my judgement when it came to recognizing both emotional, and perhaps the beginning hints of physical abuse. 2010 however, is completely different. Drinking, is nearly obsolete. Nights are spent home with my loves, I'm more responsible and caring towards everyone. I laugh all the time, enjoy the company of good friends who have never gotten me into any real trouble. Every morning is greeted with a smile, kiss, and nuzzle.
Seems all those silly wishes I made when I was a kid, have finally come true. This is everything I've ever wanted. I've never asked for much, nothing fancy. Just real happiness. And to be around people I love.